It all started with a joke.

..⃗.  welcome everyone 𑁍ࠜೄ ･ﾟˊˎ

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꒰꒰ 🏳‍ :rainbow: ˊˎ -

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I made a post a while back about my sexuality, BUT there’s been some new discoveries. I made one about my gender too, but I quickly deleted it. I guess you can say this is a journey update post for me. Also, excuse any mistakes I’ve may have made. I’ve read this post over multiple times, but I most likely still missed something.

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My journey through self discovery all started when I was a senior in high school. I was joking around with an ex best friend (?) of mine. I forgot exactly what all was said, but I ended up saying that I like both genders. That caused me to actually this amino. My journey seems to be never ending, and that’s okay. The topics of sexuality and gender weren’t really discussed where I live. I’m from the south, so that should explain why.

I started thinking about sexuality related things, and I realized that I don’t really care for anyone. Like, I feel absolutely nothing. I never cared about doing things with other people. I never cared with being in a relationship. If I did then it was most likely due to peer pressure and how society is. I went through this period of time where I had a “crush”. The verdict is still out on whether or not what I was experiencing was a “crush”. I thought that experience was more align with what it means to feel alterous attraction towards someone but maybe I’m greyaromantic instead of strictly aromantic. I don’t know. Everything is confusing when you feel nothing for anyone most of the time. I have also wondered if I have some sort of underlying trauma that has yet to come to light. I don’t know about that either.

Because I don’t mind doing things with people or being in a relationship with someone, I began to question things even further. I’m still having a hard time figuring out if I actually like men or not. I know 100% that I would be with a woman and maybe nonbinary people. Men still make me uncomfortable, and I feel like it’s for a reason. Part of me feels like this has something to do with my sexuality but that part goes away when thinking about all the male idols I like. Maybe trauma is involved somewhere in this area of my identity too. As of now, labeling as sapphic makes more sense because there’s a large gap in my preferences at the moment.

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Gender has been the MOST confusing thing of all. Everything is so vague. I know that most of the time I don’t feel like a woman. I don’t feel like a man either. I feel like nothing at all. I feel human, and that’s it. I feel like gender isn’t real. I feel like I’m not meant for the label I was given most of the time. I have began to feel more comfortable calling myself a woman within the last couple months though. I become uncomfortable when I’m put into a box and things like misogyny and sexism come into play. It triggers me more than anything else does. I’ve always had a combination of masculine and feminine qualities about myself, so it made identifying as nonbinary easier for me.

I’ve gone through a lot of labels. I went from demigirl to agender with a bunch of in between. Someone may ask “why label as agender if you have both masc and fem qualities?” Well, I’ve seen people say they have a masc or fem gender that’s not relating to being a man or woman. I rarely get feelings of both, but they still occur. Sure, I could label as genderfluid, but I just prefer agender because that’s how I see myself 95% of the time anyways. If I end up realizing that my masc and fem feelings have nothing to do with my gender then I can still label as agender, and it not cause me any sort of stress.

There’s more to being agender than what people think. Being agender doesn’t just mean that a person has no gender. It can mean that a person experiences having a neutral gender as well OR they can’t simply describe how they experience their gender. For me, being agender is a combination of those two things.

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To sum everything up, I identify as an Agender Sapphic AroAce (or Oriented AroAce). Do I plan on coming out to family? Not unless I absolutely have to. Sexuality and gender are personal things. I think that I shouldn’t have to unless necessary. My family is homophobic. Like, they still call gay people the F slur kind of homophobic. They’re really bigoted. I don’t feel like dealing with them and their ignorance right now. I’ll only tell them if I end up with a woman or nonbinary person because then I kind of have to. It honestly makes me anxious even thinking about it.

#MyPrideStory

..⃗.  ᴛʜᴀɴᴋs ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ! 𑁍ࠜೄ ･ﾟˊˎ