Ripping pages out of the book, to pretend that they were never there to begin with. I am left with your memory, yet the more time goes by the more shallow they become. Just like your love for me, broken tools are often thrown away instead of repaired. Unless it has meaning, a story, emotion. To you i didn't, i was just your tool and nothing more. Used for the time you needed me, discarded afterwards.
The discard wasn't easy on me. Especially the first few weeks, where you did everything you could to make me jealous with your new tool. Not realizing that all the effort you put into that, helped me to move on from you. To no longer feel love when your name would be brought up, instead feeling disgust.
My glasses were shattered once i fell through my knees for you. I saw your face and not the mask. " the most disgusting lies, are dressed in beauty that will rot" -Lacey sturm. While you continue to fool people, i spend my time building a better and healthier life. Something you were tearing apart before, now means the most to me.
Freedom was a thing from the past once we crossed paths, something i regained after deleting your number and all the people close to you. You probably didn't notice as you decided to block me once i stopped talking to you. I never understood the reason for that, but i am glad you did. I low key hope that you deleted me too, you will always have a way to find me as you decided to stalk my mom on her socials. Something that now turned into our inside joke of guessing how fast you will check her post. To this day, you still do. I guess it adds to the game now, wondering how many more years you end up doing so. It is impressive, i'll give you that.
Sadly you still terrorize my dreams from time to time. Though the most recent one wasn't too bad as i told you a short version of this, instead of staring at the fake version of you. My dreams make me wonder if your new tool is aware of who he wanted to steal so badly. Does he see your face or still the mask, are there cracks yet or is he already thrown away as well. Questions i will never seek answers too, but a mind likes to wonder.
Rebuilding friendships that i almost lost because of you, thankfully i made amazing friends who fully forgave me for not being with them for 1,5 years. I trully know how special and meaningful they are now. They handed me the puzzle pieces that you destroyed, building is more satisfying than destroying. Maybe some day you might get a slight understanding to that. Just maybe.
Afterall, i don't regret you. You have shown me exactly what love isn't. Shown me my blind spots and lack of boundaries. Also just how much i enjoy being on my own. Loving your own company is powerful. So while you search through your toolbox for new tools, i take myself out on a date.
May we never meet again, dear :kissing_heart:
Comments (4)
Very well written :dizzy:
This is beautiful 🥺🤍 :sparkles: :sparkles: :sparkles:
Thank you, it just had to come out
Reply to: M :dragon: :maple_leaf: :v:
Of course, it’s no problem. I completely understand.