Well, that was probably the most chaotic race I've ever watched, and that's saying something. We need something to compliment this that came from the depths of hell to fuck with EVERYONE and everything. Something with no mercy, only pure chaos and unapologetic hate.
THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S THE NANGIPS!
LET THE SHITSHOW COMMENCE!
Before we spin the Wheel of Bullshit, let's go over our opening picks-
ZACK- Erik Jones. We're not even gonna contemplate asking what the fuck you were thinking, picking a Petty-GMS car. This is the exact kind of low-IQ pick that would come from a guy who predicted an absolute hack to win a title.
JARED- Martin Truex, Jr. Normally, you would be stupid for picking MTJ to win a Clash, but now it's a short track so sure I guess, be boring as fuck. At least it wasn't CBell like I expected.
CARTER- Christopher Bell. I expected this from Jared, not gonna lie, but Jared to his credit made actual picks. This, however, will unfortunately extend your misc league winless streak another day.
TYLER- Joey Logano. Y'all are boring, and Joey is kinda donkey dick at short tracks (Check the comments in a bit). *Ok, so this was written before the Clash happened, and I wrote this with the intent to piss off Bryan, and then Joey won the Clash, so fuck me*
PQ- Kyle Larson. Probably the most boring pick I've ever seen, and tbh, it's not even a good one. Larson is pretty average on flat ovals. *Proceeds to finish third*
JACK BLACK- Cole Custer. Probably the most interesting pick here, so thank you. Doesn't make Custer not hot ass, though.
COLIN- Bubba Wallace. Nice to see you celebrating Black History Month properly.
JAMES- Christopher Bell. Not surprising that Jared-lite would imitate a stereotype of Jared.
BRYAN A- Kyle Larson. A surprisingly boring pick from a guy who surely predicted that Joey Logano would win 15 races. Wait, he only gave him 5? I'm surprised he gave him that few wins.
JUSTIN S- Erik Jones. He probably checked his Twitter feed to see who his crushes were following to make this pick.
KAYDEN- Martin Truex, Jr. You should've made an interesting pick, because boring ain't winning the damn war.
TANOR- Kyle Larson. HOLY FUCK this pick is boring.
EVAN- Chase Elliott. Yeah, Evan pulled a Jared. At least he pulled a Jared with a driver who was talented.... wait nevermind, MICKEY MOUSE.
JUSTIN R- Joey Logano. EH, SHORT TRACK RACIN, why the hell not I guess? Hopefully it goes better than the last 3 years of Jimmie Johnson's career. *It did*
KYLEE- Chase Elliott. I would shit on you but your picks are only semi-serious, so instead I'm just gonna give you a horni bonk.
CADEN- Kevin Harvick. I fully despise you motherfucker.
ETHAN O.- Martin Truex, Jr. STOP BEING BORING MOTHERFUCKERS. THIS SUCKS.
LELAND- Kyle Busch. Hopefully he doesn't say the R word on live TV, because you lose 50 points for every R word KFB says. So says the Sternorack.
PAUL- William Byron. BIAS. BIAS. BIAS. BIAS. Byron is a nerd ass stinkbutt gashole.
PATRICK- Kurt Busch. Fuck you for making a pick that would make me a bad person to make fun of.
CALEB- Todd Gilliland. A pick that could only possibly come from a shitpost. Just kidding, please don't take this too seriously.
LOGAN- Joey Logano. Logan says he made all his picks by a randomizer, which is somehow both the stupidest and smartest NANGIPS strategy all in one. That being said, I am obliged to say "HE WON THE BATTLE, BUT HE AIN'T WINNING THE DAMN WAR"
NOAH- Kyle Larson. Thank you for making your only pick of this season of the NANGIPS, and it isn't even interesting.
The bonus question was: "Will a Kaulig Racing car make the A-Main?" The answer was YES. The Following people scored bonus points from this (, bonus points can only change by inverting the results, making points negative, or causing a Bankruptcy):
ZACK
JARED
CARTER
TYLER
JACK
COLIN
BRYAN A
JUSTIN S
EVAN
KYLEE
ETHAN O.
LELAND
PAUL
LOGAN
CALEB
Additionally, receiving bonuses from the Over/Under Series:
From Over/Under 98-
Bryan- 15 points
Logan- 15 points
From Over/Under 99-
Colin- 15 points
Logan- 15 points
Alright, now it's time for the
WHEEL
OF
BULLSHIT!!!!
28 options, 24 manipulators, 4 points systems, one hell of a time.
A quick reminder: The Wheel of Bullshit can only be stopped once points are either awarded or nullified (with the exception of Playoffs). The only rolls that can stop the wheel are the multiple points systems, Bankruptcy, and Fuck You II: The Fuckening. Let's see our first spin!
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OH BALLS
Oops, My Finger Slipped. Let's consult the rulebook to see what the ramifications of my butterfingers are-
Oops, My Finger Slipped- Points inverted for results, only affects current race, affects bonus predictions, Spin Again
Imagine earning 15 points, with a very small chance of it getting taken away, and then it gets taken away because you didn't shower today (YOU SHOULD'VE SHOWERED, BRYAN, I CAN SMELL YOUR TOILET FROM HERE). Now go commit assbutt, for ass will not this time.
We have to spin again, let's see...
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Deflation, deflation, deflation, what the ever loving fuck is deflation?
Deflation- Race Results divided by 10, affects all further races, Spin Again.
Well, I guess I'm gonna go fuck myself, because we're not getting a lot of points out of this. This is super unfortunate, that is, unless you got the predictions wrong, because you're still getting 15 points plus whatever our points format is.
What could possibly be next?
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What if I just completely fucked a member over for no reason?
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WELP
What in the world could Chrome possibly be?
CHROME- Caden Bishop loses his pick, instead gets points of highest finishing car with chrome number, Spin Again
I hope you like Chrome numbers, Caden Bitchop! Let's see, who the hell would you even get?
OMFG, YOU GOT HARRISON BURTON. And in a plot twist, this HELPS Caden, because Harrison sucked ass and finished behind his original pick of Harvick! Get shit on, rest of the NANGIPS!
Alright, we have to spin the wheel again. What will we get?
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BRUH, WHAT
Bruh Moment- A Random Player gets removed from the chatroom, however many minutes it takes for them to re the chatroom is how much their point total is divided, Spin Again
Uh oh
Who's gonna get kicked from the chat? We will have to go to the COMPETITOR WHEEL!
One unlucky bastard is about to get absolutely shit on by this wheel. Will it be Demo or Kylee?
Time to find out...
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PSYCH!
BRYAN LOGANO HAS BEEN EJECTED FOR ARGUING WITH THE REFS!
Bryan, an invite to the chat has been sent to you. You better get back in soon. Otherwise you'll lose- well really not much, given how we're in a points depression.
Wait, I should rename "Deflation" to "Depression"
Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
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ass
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OH MY GOD!
WE HAVE REACHED A POINTS SYSTEM FOR THIS WEEK! This marks the last spin of the Wheel of Bullshit for this week.
F1 Points- Race results converted to F1 Points, only affects current race, added to Standings
This means that this week, points would be awarded to the top ten finishers if we made any sense, but because we hit Depression- I mean Deflation- We only give out 1/10 points, and because we inverted the results, we're giving partial points to the bottom ten in the A-Main (no points if you didn't make the main event, fuck you). So here are points distributions for this week, by driver-
Daniel Suarez - 0.1 points
Martin Truex, Jr - 0.2 points
Michael McDowell - 0.4 points
Ryan Blaney - 0.6 points
Bubba Wallace - 0.8 points
Justin Haley - 1 point
Ryan Preece - 1.2 points
Tyler Reddick - 1.5 points
Chase Briscoe - 1.8 points
Denny Hamlin - 2.5 points
But wait, there's more! I'm also giving a point for "fastest lap" to the cockass who qualified last overall (Not just in the A-Main this time, overall)
The people getting this point picked Ty Dillon. So nobody. Congratulations, you all have too little imagination for this one.
Yeah, no shit Lewis. Now shut the fuck up. I will bring Michael Masi back.
Anyway, Fuck You All, I'll see you for the Duels at Daytona.
You have been introduced to the biggest shitshow series on NASCAR Amino.
Embrace the chaos
-Zack
Comments (3)
The chaos is being embraced and I love it