To Feel Or Not To Feel

The Thing I Mostly

Hate About Crying

All These Nights

Is The Constant

Headaches I Get

Afterwards.

Quite the questionin my opinion. What's the limit of feeling before becoming self-destructive? When is an individual considered weak or strong? Or why do we even compare each other's traumas or problems when ones issue could be a really small and easily overcomed one for the others?

So many questions yet every answer would just bring more, more and more question marks like a whole world of feelings just throwing themselves out of you with a heartache throughout your tears. And you just cry there, feeling alone in the world, unknowing of yourself, of your future, or your purpose.

I used to believe that we must never shut ourselves out. Never kill our vulnerable side, never hide, just let that beauty out and each experience helping our self growth with all the pain that comesos worth is. But right now I just don't fucking know anymore, okay?

Because once I'm k, I'm decent, but i also am in this physical and psychical self destructive cycle while having friends, yet I don't even want to bother talking to them, and I do feel lonely. I do hug my fuckin pillow wishing it was someone, I do wake up from nightmares hoping I won't be alone.

And now... is that weakness? Wanting to depend on someone?

Are recent events teaching me to have self worth and trust myself more and be a wholesome independent individual? But would that mean shutting off for real now? Because I do try all the activities, keeping myself busy... doesn't work. I do try taking a step back and have time with myself. Doesn't. Help.

Nothing. Helps.

Or will time help?

... as I said... one answer, a couple more questions to asks... what's the point anyways?

I mean... dance away the pain, ey?

Unless you can't. Due to medical reasons.

•••

So here I am rushing these thoughts into my phone, unsure if I want to feel or I don't. Unsure of so many things, of so many wonderful things that were lost, of so mamy words that hurt others, of so many angels that turned evil.

So honestly no, I don't have an upbeat ending about how life is great for y'all, I don't have everything figured out, I don't know shit and well, I'm just going with the flow, ending up in a waterfall, splashing into the rock hard surface.

So there is no better way to end this than without a smart and cute conclusion, I'd rather just say:

Well, fuck.

The Ocean Is Not Stable.

Images From Pinterest.