Hi. (Triggered warming)

Hi to those who know me as Angel. Lately I have been depressed a lot lately and I feel like I have been lying to myself saying that I am a girl so I have been struggling with my gender identity but I went back into the closet due to lack of .

A while ago I try coming out to my family as transgender they was saying that I wasn't transgender so I started saying that I was nonbinary then I start saying that I was agender to try to get accepted more. All I wanted to be accepted and to have someone that me. My auntie try making me feel bad I have this 4 year old cousin my auntie said that she try saying that she was a boy because I was saying that I am a boy but when I say that I am a boy I really mean that.

My auntie told me that she was no longer calling me Benjamin and that I am just going to be girl with she/her pronouns because I am confusing her kids. My auntie have two boys who are 6 and 7 if that was the case her boys will said that they are girls because of my family I went back into the closet.

My whole family don't think that I am transgender and was saying a lot of other stuff because they are actually really transphobic but I don't want to keep pretending to be a straight girl. I think that I know why I have been super depressed, upset, having outburst and meltdowns because of my gender dysphoria and because of my family it have gotten so bad I was in the mental hospital a lot because of it.

I try being a Christian to get my Christian friends. My Christian friends left me when I told them that I think that I might be transgender.

I always have prefer the name Benjamin (Ben) and he/him/his pronouns, I got so anxious and scared I didn't know how to tell anyone.

I am not making this post to make anyone feel bad or sorry for me. I am making this post because I really want people to know the real me because lately I feel like I am trap in the cage because I have been anxious and scared to be myself. I have always preferred the name Benjamin for myself!!

Don't hate me please I am really anxious and scared to post this.