Judging Apex Characters by How Much Of A Snack They Are

Judging Apex Characters By How Much Of A Snack They Are

Alright, we both know what this post is about. I will be judging the peoples on multiple very complex and difficult to understand concepts, so if you feel like you need to reread, feel free. Some of these ideas include:

How much of a snack they are.

That’s it. I will be rating them on a 1 - 10 scale. Just letting you know I am a straight. So let’s get riiiiiiiiiiiiight into the n̶e̶w̶s̶ ratings.

Lifeline

(I can’t show Lifeline NSFW pictures, so just imagine some)

I’m starting with Knifeline because she’s the easiest to rank. As we see in game, she wears nice breathable clothes, which show quite a bit of skin. I don’t know if this would make her hot or cold because there are deserts in Kings Canyon, and snow in World’s Edge. Either way, you’d have to hose that sucker down before you dig in. Besides that, there are really no unwanted features of Lifeline. She wouldn’t be sweaty because breathable clothes, her hair wouldn’t get in the way because no one in the Titanfall universe is allowed to wear their hair down, and she comes with a cool collectible D.O.C. figure. So uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 9/10. I recommend grilled, but you can do anything.

Wraith

I actually had a photo of Wraith saved on my phone

Wraith may seem like she’s in 8, 9, or 10 categories, but do not be fooled so easily. She does have an outfit which is pretty lightweight outfit, perfect for comfortable eating experience, a kunai collectible, (is that how you spell kunai?) and a third reason which I had but don’t , but while she does seemingly have a quite a few upsides, it’s her downsides we have to worry about. If you didn’t know, Wraiths have quite a bit of

In their meat so when you chomp in, there is a 90% you get trapped in a void with no way to escape, with no one to help you for all eternity. So, uh... 7/10

Mirage

That’s what Mirage looks like, in case you forgot. He’s a very middle of the pack frozen meal. No pros, but no cons either. You do get a recipe with every order, by simply replacing any pork chops with 8 oz of Mirage meat.

5/10

Bloodhound

Last one for today. Bloodhound is probably one of the worst legends to eat. THey has the power of a LITERAL GOD on his side. THey will probably get off the table you’re preparing them on, and murder you with your own knife. And even if they stay dead, they are still a sweaty, moist thing under all those knives, guns, and masks. Also, because of the killing thing, it’s hard to find a good recipe for them. 3/10

That’s the list. I might do this again. Bye!