𝖳𝗈 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖮𝗇𝖾 𝖶𝗁𝗈 𝖥𝖾𝗅𝗍 𝖫𝗈𝗌𝗍 || The grave of the fireflies

Have you ever wondered what advice or words of encouragement you would like to give yourself if you could travel back in time?

I'm sure everyone here has some sort of regret or advice that they would want to tell their younger self. It is a way to look back on our past and the decisions that we made while walking on that path.

Some memories can be bittersweet while some may scar us for the rest of our lives. However this is what life is all about; it has its own ways of teaching us, not always by giving grand moments in life but also by giving tough times so that we can learn from the aftermath.

Now you, as an audience, might ask me why am I saying all this now?

I will answer that. Are you acquainted with the feeling of watching something that leaves a great impact on you? It can make you feel grateful about your life or it can make you question your life's decisions. It makes you want to appreciate your younger self for not giving up even in tough situations and for always giving their best.

There are some films that stay with you forever engraved in your memories. For me, "The grave of the Fireflies" was that film that touched my soul. It taught me lessons through its silence, sacrifices, sorrows and grief not just because it's a story full of tragedy but because it mirrors the feelings that I had suppressed for a long time within me. These were the feelings that I had forever avoided. Ultimately it gave me courage to confront myself.

People say, that the brain stays awake for seven minutes even when the body dies. It shows them their whole life in that seven minutes.

"September 21, 1945.... That was the night that I died."

These were the lines spoken by a teenage boy named Seita in his death bed at a train station alone and starved. His ghost witnessing his own death recalls his life as he felt nothing but regret and some unspoken promises that he wasn't able to fulfill. As you hear these lines, you know this story isn't going to have a happy ending. But what happens next isn't just a tragedy, its a demise of two children trying to hold onto every ounce of hope they could gather to survive the next day.

Seita was just a teenager who was forced to become both brother and parental figure to Setsuko, he carried a heavy burden from a young age. Even when their mother died in air-raid, Seita pulled himself back together just for the sake of Setsuko. As him being a child himself, I can't bear to imagine how agonizing it must have been for him to see his mother's burned, bandaged body that's beyond recognition, just lying down still on the ground. Even after witnessing his mother's horrific death he couldn't afford to shed a tear.

My heart aches for Seita. The reason why I could relate so much with Seita is because In my life, as being the only child I had to shoulder the responsibilities and also be able for my actions. People had their expectations on me and It felt like I was being crushed under the weight of those expectations. I accepting everything with a smile, those backhanded comments, smirking, pointing out fingers. This made me wonder, maybe I really had no-one beside me. Maybe the people who I thought were my friends weren't actually my friends.

If I could go back in time and release myself from these shackles, I would surely say-

  ────────── ❝ Letter 01 ❞ ───────────

Dear me,

You thought that taking everything in quietly and holding back tears is what truly justifies being strong, that asking for help will make you weak. So, like Seita you tried to hold everything in until the point where you broke down.

You were there for everyone but was anyone there for you? Why were u deceiving yourself when you weren't even happy? Why keep the facade of a smile when you are hurting inside? Was it worth it? Well I'm sure the sixteen-year-old me will never accept it. But now, I will surely say that I was trying to fit in. I wanted a place where I could be myself. And in search of that place, somewhere along the path I lost myself.

Still just , you were never weak. You were just tired. Tired of pretending. Tired of keeping up with illogical standards.

If I could hug you right now. I would tell you that it was never your fault and that you deserve every bit of the happiness in the world. And that I'm very proud of you for always keeping your head high even in rough times.

Your well-wisher,

Miku (from the future)

  ────────── ❝ End ❞ ──────────────

"Why do fireflies have to die so soon..."

In spite of every difficulty and huddles that life had given them, Setsuko's innocence have always been like the fireflies. Flickering in the darkness as if that's the only ray of hope in the dark pit called life. Seita has always been a shield to Setsuko, protecting her from everything. But maybe deep down it was Setsuko's existence that helped Seita overcome his fears.

The fireflies bought them joy, but they died just as quickly. Making it seem like nothing's permanent. It's as if even the momentary happiness they were feeling will die out as soon as the sun rises.

When Setsuko releases the fireflies at night, the scene makes me feel warm yet unsettling. It's as if it's the calm before the actual storm.

The country was at war, but for them the battlefield wasn't the only place they were facing the war. It was the abandoned Shelters, half-eaten foods and Setsuko's growling stomach and the way her little body would curl up against Seita at night. Seita did everything he could possibly do. He stole, he begged, he ran through the village even during air-raids just so he could feed Setsuko.

I couldn't understand why Seita wouldn't't ask for help. Maybe it was because of the continuous taunts they faced while staying with their aunt, or maybe it was His ego that wouldn't let him ask for help. Although I do understand that pride is heavy. It made Seita choose suffering against survival. If he had tossed his ego aside and had gone back to his aunt's house, then the story may have been different for them.

Watching Setsuko's eyes slowly losing the shine that she once had ruptured my soul. I then understood that just surviving is not enough. It made me want to protect the innocence the child had. Could be because I was able to see my old self reflecting through Setsuko.

I learned that being stubborn and being egoistic or prideful won't help in the time of survival. That I have to take hold of any chance I can get. Although I wish I could have realised this sooner when I needed it the most.

   ────────── ❝ Letter 02 ❞ ───────────

Dear me,

"Why do fireflies die so soon?"

I didn't know what could be the answers to this. I didn't know how to answer you. But now as I'm older, I do know what to answer you and what will relieve you.

The fireflies don't just die because they are weak. They lit up with everything they have in themselves for just a moment. In that moment, they shine the brightest. Just like you did.

You were a firefly who didn't realise how much you shine. You didn't realise your actual worth. But fear not, I do see it and I'll polish it myself so that your efforts won't go to waste.

Your well-wisher,

Miku (from the future)

  ────────── ❝ End ❞ ──────────────

"She never woke up again.."

This one scene still haunts me. At the end, there was no catharsis. Setsuko's body laying still on the ground beside her tin can of fruit drops that she adored. Setsuko's death was cruel. She died in a cave alone, weak from hunger, delirious, still waiting for her brother to bring food.

Seita being devastated, accepted the fact that his sister died and is no more with him. He cremates her body in the straw field and all that remained of Setsuko was her ashes and the empty tin can of fruit drops. Soon after Setsuko's death, Seita too succumbs.

Truthfully, that tin can... I can never forget it even if I wanted to. The can that once held fruit candies, now holds the ashes and memories of Setsuko. For Seita that tin-can carries the last remaining proof of his sister.

This scene taught me things that I'll till the end.

First: even the brightest of lights will die out if no one's there to protect it.

Second: That love alone isn't enough to survive in this cruel world.

  ────────── ❝ Letter 03 ❞ ───────────

Dear me,

I'm writing this, not to scare you but to prepare you. To provide you the guidance that I once wished for. From now on there will be events that will either make u or break you. But I want you to know that amidst everything when you feel like you need help just say "I need help" and don't hold it in. Don't be like Seita who repressed his feelings until the end. He thought that he could handle everything alone, but you know he wasn't able to.

I believed that love and care is not something that could be replaced. Yes, I was naive and didn't understand how the world worked. Apparently it is very easy to replace someone and I got the taste of that in a hard way.

So don't get disheartened if anything sad happens. Think of it as a chapter of a book called life. You can't continue to the next chapter unless u read the previous one. And if the thought of running away ever occurred to you, just run away. You don't need to face everything head on. Always prioritize yourself first. I'm not saying you should be greedy, but if you care for yourself, only then you'll be able to care for others.

Your well-wisher,

Miku (from the future)

   ────────── ❝ End ❞ ─────────────

Watching Seita and Setsuko trying to survive in this cruel world brought back memories.

Memories, not of the war but of the mental and emotional battles I have silently fought over the years. Times when I felt like letting go but still wore a brave face because I felt like I had to.

I used to be tough on myself. Re-correcting every minor error, cringe at my choices, getting anxious due to people's judgement. But now I know I was strong before too, just not in the way I used to believe in what being strong actually is.

I want to hug my younger self and express my gratitude for simply surviving through every situation even when the world felt biased and cruel.

This anime, in all its glow helped me understand and empathize with the feelings that I haven't felt for a while.

The grave of the fireflies reminded me that we don't always get the ending that we wish for, but that doesn't make our story less meaningful.

  ────────── ❝ Letter 04 ❞ ───────────

Dear me,

I know I have been saying lots of things, but I really wanted you to know and understand everything in every detail. You are very precious to me and I want absolute best for you.

Well now I'll answer some of your queries that I feel like you will have in your mind.

Now now! you'll surely celebrate upon hearing this. I landed a job! It's not like I'm a sudden billionaire now, but I'm trying my best to fulfill every wish you once had but never got the chance to fulfil it.

I made friends in college who I'm still very much in with. And this is the best part! we went on trips, two times in a row. I'm sure you're very surprised, so was I, when I got the permission.

By the way, we have pets now!

Hold on now.

Not cats not dogs, but birds! I know right, very unexpected, but I love them with my everything and so will you.

Also you will make many online friends who even after leaving the platform will still be in with you. These are the people who were like fireflies who flickered bright during the time you needed light the most and they are still continuing to do so. These people are: Xenny. Thank you for always being there for me.

Also miku, there's a surprise for you in the later future which I won't be saying as I want you to see It for yourself when the time comes. I'm sure you'll love it!

Keep in mind, always be yourself, and whatever path you decide on for yourself, just keep moving forward. And lastly, never doubt yourself.

Sky is the limit ~

I love you and for the last time.

Wishing you luck.

g out.

From,

Miku (from the future)

  ────────── ❝ End ❞ ─────────────

This event gave me an opportunity to express how I feel by putting it into words.

In all honesty, It is actually quite difficult to face and accept your past and move forward without any second thoughts. But it's not unachievable. Time heals everything, you just need to wait and be patient.

So let me ask you all, How does it feel to know that the troubles that you once thought would literally scare you for life don't hurt that much now. Are you happy and satisfied with how your life turned out to be? Is there anything that you regret? Whatever your answers will be. I wish you a happy journey ahead.

Credits: #LetterToMyself