Letter to a lost self

12th April 2025

Dearest 16 year old Apt

I hope this letter finds you in the best of health, trust me will you need it, anyways I am Apt as well just 6 years older than you are, I am you, writing to you from the future 6 years ahead, now aged 22.

Did it scare you, worry you, cause you anxiety??? Opening a letter from ones future self seems to be the most dystopian call to action isnt it? Trust me its not, this letter, dearest kin is neither an alarm nor a call to action, this letter is no rebuke nor praise.

Then you must ponder what is this, this letter, think of it as an invitation, an invitation to a dialogue, a dialogue of which you have been a part all this while, albeit dormant and ignorant. This is an active dialogue between you, my past and me, your future.

I am sure the gravity of such a dialogue is not lost on you, and thus i know such conversations are incomplete without introductions. So who am I? As we have established, I am you from the future, but that is not what you wish to know is it. You wish to know "how did you turn out, how did you grow up, are you successful 6 years down the line?"

The forbidden question, is there an answer, to such a such a query, no there isn't,but I shall douse your curiosity without ruining the excitement of life itself, if I were to introduce myself to you I would say, "I am apt and I am happy, I am confident and exploring the world."

So dearest kin tell me does that make us strangers, for one knows better than all else that you my dear apt of the past are many things, but you are not these, these that i apt of the future claim to be!

Ha, but given our flair and ability for theatrical speech, I'd say we are not that strange to each other, but we are stranger still. To bridge that gap, is the very purpose and sum of this letter.

Dear apt, this letter that I pen now is not entirely fresh, it's been in my memory and emotion for long, but it lacked the words. After long, I have them now, my dearest self, the sole purpose of me writing this letter is to give you the warmest embrace of your life and remind that you are doing your best, that you great and you are enough!

In the cold and mechanical age of time I have been fortunate to feel the warm spurts of happiness, and I want you to feel them as well, when they lurk so close beside you.

You may wonder what prompted this sudden, outreach, the answer to it is an anime! Yes an anime its called "Barakamon", watching this anime made me think, think long and hard and finally gave me the courage to reach out to you my innerself of the past!

Barakamon is the story of an artistic overachiever, a shodo calligrapher called handa seishu. An heir to a very reputed father in the world of calligraphy, for most of his life handa was drowning in success, winning prizes and praise for his talent and mastery over the written alphabet, his world, neat as his brush strokes. Until the ink spill of criticism and reality drenched the canvas of his life, one certain time, a senior calligrapher, dismissed Handa's work as "textbook and lacking originality". Unable to bear such harsh words Handa threw punches at the calligrapher, thus getting him expelled from the tournament. Owning to this travesty, Handa's father exiled our young protagonist to a far off island in japan away from the hue and industrialized cry of Tokyo. The anime is a series of shenanigans which help Handa discover his originality, his confidence, his self through a series of fun, and unfounded interactions with the locals!

Textbook, unoriginal .....exiled ... Now dont these sound familiar, I know very well Apt that these words appear more often than once in your diary, I know trust me, I do.

Tell me apt why did books of percy jackson, famous five, secret seven, harry potter,tintin and astrix obelix get replaced by the cold books of self improvement, personality, communication, why?  Why did the once confident and happy self get replaced by self doubt and the endless need to grow and conform??? How did your insecurity grow so much that you thought obsecurity is the ultimate security!

The more you tried to conform the more you awkward you grew, the more you tried to grow,  more distant you grew! Why is that, I am sure you want to talk about it and that's why I am here, through the medium of this anime, trust me answers shall be found, as its plot deepens so too shall this conversation grow more profound.

Apt of the past listen

Ere we commence, let me be clear,

No past or present has anything to fear,

I begrudge not the choices that created me

But choices must not come at the expense of thee!

Ha, see we still have the poetic flair, and as I write this, the irony is not lost on me, once on a certain app called amino, in a blog I vehemently argued that life lessons cannot be learnt from animes and here I am helping myself with the lessons I learnt from an anime, the circle of life!

You may think out of all the anime why Barakamon, well I believe the reason the anime left such a impact on me is because, just like the protagonist Handa, we have always been of an accademic inclination, arts culture and all, we have always enjoyed the finer things in life and maybe thats another reason Handa getting called textbook or unoriginal spoke so much too me. In contrast I have never been able to relate so much to love failures in romance or the pain of loosing the trophy in sports anime, but Handa's experience hit a nerve somewhere close to heart. Well now let's go over what i wish to share with you from this anime, shall we.

Textbook artist, unoriginal.......He punched the judge away, you punched the situation away!

In the anime Handa's world collapses when he gets criticized for his work, he doesn't know how to react he has never been in the situation before ,all his life he was the winner, an achiever but now his work dismissed as unoriginal repetitive and textbook Handa is unable to process this, the raw arrogance ego fueled by anger and distress leads him to punch the judge itself.

In my opinion this dramatic situation is a metaphor for the classic overachiever trap that you fell into Apt, one moment your life was shining you basked in the limelight all the while and suddenly darkness, you came upon the same pedestal as others, stopped standing out, was it because the challenges grew more difficult, was it because the people around you were now smarter or that you were now lacking? The plethora of options and new realisations all the wake of the first failures, you could not handle it, could you? Yes you did now punch anyone but you punched the situation itself away!

The new situations , the new people you pushed them all away, unable to bear that what made you feel ...normal, or lacking or a failure, you did not associate with it at all! Just like a cornered beast you hide away from the world ready to pounce, why such a strong reaction apt,  why did you not pause to wonder once that maybe you are still worth your salt and you just needed some time. You have always been such a beautiful person, pure and kind at heart, pragmatic at mind, perceptive, but still you didn't be kind to yourself why?

Exiled to the island

Disappointed at his actions Handa's father exiles him to a remote island, away from the comforts of the city. Handa at first is lost and is often at odds with his new life, although he understands the goal, "to help him discover his true self" he fails so see how village life will help in that. However as the anime progresses Handa begins to interact and partake with this new life, he goes with the flow he doesn't oppose it because it is new and soon he finds something, an emotion that had long elluded him, happiness .

Apt earlier I had said I am happy, so did I make a sudden visit to an island myself or what? No, I moved out, out of my comfort zone. You see the city and village are metaphors well, they allude to ones comfort zone and the real world. Just like how the Handa found himself at odds with the village so too one finds himself at odds with the real world, we desire to cave back into our comfort zones but we mustn't. The world is not bad its just new, let me repeat myself,its new not bad, it can be scary yes, but, one must never be afraid of it.

Rich words i know, and did I volunteer to venture out into the big blue yonder, no Apt definitely not, I just went with the flow doing my bit daily,  and the currents of life often turbulent did eventually carry me to better shores.

So now do I have a penthouse, a big job paying millions,a Mercedes, a yacht and a beautiful wife, no but i have good income with a rented roof , have made a few but great friends and above all the confidence to partake in the world!

Joys of the island village

Over the course of the anime he begins to explore and partake in the affairs of the village, initially he is awkward and finds himself out of place most of the times. He just locks himself up in his home and tries to force creativity to manifest, but it never does he is never able to brush a single stroke to his satisfaction. Later on by events beyond his control he begins to partake in the events of village even its daily life and soon finds that he enjoys it and eventually developed soft spot for it. All this leads to him finally brushing a piece that lives up to his expectations.

This reminds of the quote by Naru "You ain't gonna know unless you climb up yerself. Ain't no way to look if you don't try."

The weight of these words spoken by an innocent child is hard to miss, it speaks volumes on the importance of experiencing life, be it the simple and mundane matters or more profound events.

By now it must be clear what metaphor was hidden in Handa's village endeavours, it simply alluded to the fact of partaking in life and its turns. Thats all I did as well apt just went with the flow, i just got involved with life as it presented itself to me, was I always happy about the turns life put me on, no definitely not but I did partake and that left me richer, richer in experience. As cliche as it sounds experiencing life and not rejecting situations is very important, because unless we try we shall never know, be it food, drinks games books people or any other important life choice. One of the more under looked aspect of experiencing life is the confidence it gives us, once we are harden by surving many situations we build self confidence that we can face anything, we get confidence to make choices , we get the confidence to reject choices and its this confidence that brings us peace of mind as well because one knows that one has tried and that one can handle situations, and it is only when one has this confidence that he can be kind to himself and forgive himself.

In the end still 5th place

Possibly the best part about this anime is that at the end of the anime, even after all the growth and effort Handa puts he still gets the 5th place, yes there was massive improvement in his work and it was greatly appreciated by those around him, yet it was not enough to get him the first prize. This time however Handa had no problem accepting the results, he had grown, grown enough to take criticism and have the confidence to try again next year.

This is by far is one of the most important lessons from this anime Apt, in my opinion, for this shows that even if we work hard, grow or keep trying as hard as we can, things dont always go our way, we might miss the mark by an inch or someone might just do better than us. The outcome of ones efforts are barely in our hands, we can only continue to work hard and hope that eventually we emerge successful. This is by far one of the most important takeways from this anime and something thays very relevant to ones life, just because we didn't get what we want after all the hardwork we did that should not imply that we stop putting efforts itself,we must keep trying, keep working hard until one feels satisfied with the outcome.

The anime has a beautiful quote on this, the character Hiroshi kido, Handa's friend, speaks "Being able to work hard is the best talent of all." How infinitely true is this, no talent is worth its salt until the person labours and works hard, and working hard is no easy task either, its not just putting efforts over and over again, it includes putting efforts smartly and in an organised manner, to track ones progress, failures, revaluate, try again and all of this without getting tired or dejected. Its as if working hard itself is the most covetable talent of them all!

My dearest Apt, and thus my long sermon and brooding comes to an end, I am sure you must have understood the intentions of this letter very well by now. Will this letter serve as warning for the actions you shall take or was it advice in retrospect about the choices taken, I am sure you will figure it out.

What shall you take of this letter is all upto you, what shall become of you, once you have read this letter I don't know, all I know is from where I stand now is that, I really love you and am deeply proud of you! Take of this letter what you feel matters dearest kin, walk the path you wish Apt, walk it with confidence. I am curious to see what path you shall take, perhaps a road that shall lead, to me never having to write this letter itself! Will we meet ever on such a road, and if we do tell me Apt what do you think of me?

Until next time

Your most lovingly

Apt 22 years old

Miku who helped me extensively with the editing and asthetics of the blog, thank you miku!

A salute to life and all my loved ones, until next time!