hello! i see you’ve stumbled across my poetry! they are all comprised of different themes. but they all have a chapter and place in the wiki with dates! so it’s easier to find them!

𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴

1. 𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘯/𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 (𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘥)

2. 𝘍𝘪𝘳𝘦 (𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩)

3. 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴/𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘴 (𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘺)

4. 𝘌𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘗𝘰𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘺 ( 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘖𝘤𝘦𝘢𝘯)

6. 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 (𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘛𝘰 𝘠𝘰𝘶)

7. 𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴 (𝘍𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘒𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘥𝘰𝘮)

𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 1

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘯/𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭

I had went through a lot as a child and tried to reflect it into pieces and portions of my work. I do really love this chapter as i put so much work and soul into these people.

~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Untitled

you cross my mind often,

your words piercing my ears and heart.

your promises and secrets sweeping me off my feet.

you are the river i drown in daily.

the holdings of the prison you’ve put me in, cold and bitter.

i keep myself warm, keeping the fire youve fed me alive.

though my soul is draining, and withering like a winter rose.

you burn bright in me.

youve made me lose myself...

your kiss resembles a match.

your touch is amber.

your skin is hot.

your eyes heated with ambition.

maybe you’re not what i’ve needed after all...

our conversation is blue.

talking to myself for days.

i realized i lost you.

so i sit, reading through what i did.

what did i do wrong?

your face pounding in my mind.

your comments shattering me.

was it because i didn’t bake enough for your hungry soul?

was it because i didn’t lose that side weight like you wanted?

i should’ve done what you said...

unsolicited touch.

pinned down onto the place i thought i loved. and found safe.

the therapist says it’s not my fault.

i am unwanted and used...

tear soaked pillows.

smiling days.

no one can know, right?

ruining your reputation...

shouldnt i tell someone?

you forcing me to keep quiet.

you whisper in my ear in the hallways.

threatening me.

ill never tell. i promise myself.

i let it slip,

our little secret put you in a grave.

i found myself to be untitled.

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Repetition

the same gut wrenching feeling you had when your dad raised his hand,

the same problems that rose when you were little.

the same problematic entity possessing the mind.

your body aching and craving to crawl out.

the skin wouldn’t break like an egg.

scars of trying to peel it.

wounds inside inflicting damage like no other.

your heart beat repeating.

the same pain you felt when that car hit you.

the same pain you felt as you cut.

the stinging sensation he gave you when he hurt you.

the pain repeats itself in new ways.

body hatred.

painting yourself like a canvas.

sculpting and molding into the perfect thing.

keeping your hands tied with little strings to keep you occupied.

repeating of behaviors.

counting the times the fan circles your room.

the footsteps from school to home.

the water droplets slapping your window.

the constant tapping of your leg against the tile. knee hurting the desk.

bruising your elbow.

shattering the bone.

i am on repeat

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Trauma

Trauma, a word used to describe damage and hurt.

Trauma, you’ve pulled me in like a lamplight at night.

You’ve inhabited my mind and my body for years now.

Trauma, you’ve been like a pencil grip.

Something to keep me occupied in class when i’m bored.

Something to keep me busy.

Trauma, you kissed my head like the moon light.

You burned my tongue like tea.

You destroyed my soul like he did.

Trauma you were never beautiful,

you were scarred and made everything impossible.

A word said to me would be over thought like a song lyric.

Trauma you’ve inhabited me too long.

Trauma it’s time we said goodbye at the door.

Youll be let go of like a scarf on the wind.

youll be taken up again by my therapist.

written down in my notes.

articulated design.

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The withered

”once we close our eyes for the last time, where do we go?”

our souls leave this earth once we take our last breath,

we go into an abyss,

Hades love struck touch welcomes us.

where we start a new life alongside someone new.

as his newest employee in the withering potion.

When we close our eyes where do we go?

we go to heaven,

we go to hell.

into a black abyss?

where do we go?

i say we go to an abyss, where we wonder looking for purpose,

looking over our loved ones from the after life.

caring for them like shepherds.

where we go when we die is everywhere.

we are free to go where we want.

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Hollow

My heart and body were placed on the table.

i laid raw,

naked in a world of clothed people.

you tore me limb from limb.

crawled into my mind.

Hollowed me out until my body

was a shell of a girl.

I was a storm inside a forest.

my thoughts hailing over my head.

my heart lay,

cut open and destroyed.

my eyes drained from the tears.

My feet not able to walk anymore.

to carry the weight of my body.

what a burden.

my thoughts led to burnings and open wounds,

i trusted few.

i began using glue and stitches.

everyone pulls at the seams.

im a hollow piece of paper.

my life collapsed.

people came and go.

smiles re-opened and left over night.

i sit alone screaming and clawing for help.

i sit here now,

a lighter and blade in my hand.

im still crying out. but i’ll never ask for help.

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Chapter 2

𝘍𝘪𝘳𝘦

~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

fire and matches

it all starts with the drop of a match,

its red tip brushed against flint

gushing into an orange parade.

how much would the fire hurt? would i soon find out?

pyromaniac;

in my own ink

someone who brings upon fire to themselves .

someone who likes to burn.

and watch the world around them light up like fireflies.

i learned.

the parade cascades across my skin,

leaving people shaped holes decorated in my heart.

their long lasting trace of warmth on my skin.

memories burned in me.

look at the hideousness found in me.

holes that even the bravest would run from.

holes that would burn the world down

fires that would burn the forests down,

polluting the air.

heating the oceans.

youve ruined me.

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Chapter 3

𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴/𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘴

~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Star Boy

your eyes pierce into my soul.

i avoid your stare as i’m scared that you’ll start a fire.

Your eyes glint with happiness and wonder.

Our conversations cherished and [Ci]ed by my heart.

Your laugh echoing through my bones,

rattling them and shaking my core.

Oh star boy,

you smell of what i would have imagined space too.

Your skin carefully decorated with the constellations.

Your voice raspy and comforting,

sounding like perfect rhythms and symphonic melodies.

Oh star boy,

i dreamt of you oh so long ago.

You were only a figment of my imagination,

a light of hope dashed into a sorrowful soul.

Your careful touch has put a safe hold on me.

Oh star boy,

the memories i’ve dreamt we could make.

Sneaking out and drinking,

running away and going swimming in your neighbors pool,

taking polaroids in the kitchen,

dancing in the rain,

competing with each other’s unique talents.

Oh star boy,

you’ve fallen from the planets,

into my home,

your shadow roams my room.

your cologne still on me.

oh how i miss you star boy.

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Chapter 4

𝘌𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘗𝘰𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘺

~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Mother Earth

Mother Earth how your wind blows

your roaring waters crashing against the shore.

Mother earth look at how the mountaintops glow.

Mother earth look at the green forests you’ve bestowed onto us.

Mother; your oceans scoured with tar and plastic.

Your trees disappearing.

your animals dying.

Mother earth you’re heating up now.

your animals leaving where they’ve lived.

the people who used to praise and respect you are gone.

Countries ruining what you’ve planted and given them.

Mother Earth; you’ve gotten your revenge.

you’ve cursed upon us a virus.

you began healing yourself.

bringing back your beautiful creatures.

Mother earth

your creatures reside where they were thousands of years ago

your seas and mountain tops glistening like they were decades ago.

Mother Earth look what you’ve done.

you bounced back after all we’ve done.

mother earth is beautiful.

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

The Ocean

Your waves lap at the golden hot grains,

sucking in the beautiful souls and suns kiss.

Your shining blue like an invitation of hope.

you kiss my feet

the cold rushing up my body.

You draw me in

like the stars and the moon,

95% of you is unknown.

5% of beautiful creatures.

i can feel you touching my hair,

reassuring me.

i dive deep and far.

touching your beautiful corals,

looking at the sharks above.

they bite and tear me open.

my bones and flaws lay at your feet,

crabs pick through them and rearrange them.

picking my ugly pieces up and lifting them high and mighty so i may read them from heaven.

im examining myself from above.

hating what i’ve become.

hating myself.

my decisions all wrong.

my life all wrong.

i am what is wrong.

the alcohol tasted sweet that night.

the burning aftertaste was beautiful.

reminded me of how i wanted to disappear.

relapse...

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Sunshine

Your warm heat foiling my skin,

your kisses leaving beauty marks and gentle love,

Sunshine, you kiss my nose with the gentleness of a boy i once knew.

Sunshine, when you rose, you brought in the tide.

Sunshine, you brought in the tide of change.

You never left my side.

Sunshine youll never leave.

When the leaves fall and the ground turns white, you’ll still be here.

Sunshine, you are my sun kissed lover.

You are the thing i do not quiver in upset.

You’ll always be my daytime lover and my best friend.

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The Rain

a pitter patter of gods pure sadness.

the crying of a thousand people compiled into one glorious storm.

you came to my house,

your dark silhouette piercing across the sky;

Dancing among the drops and presenting themselves harshly.

An afternoon filled with sadness,

cradled by an ever lasting friendship with peace and rivalry.

but yet we find our comfort in each other’s arms.

our tears flowing like the drips outside.

our screams echoing the thunder.

our clothes and camera flashing lighting the night sky up.

but i wake up.

my rain dream presented with a harsh reality.

without your cologne.

without your presence.

without our cookies.

without your kisses.

i sit here,

woken up by the rain.

a drink cradled between my hands.

a book soaked with the tears of the prior night and the drips of today.

Youre 6 feet under,

but for the past 2 months i’ve been visiting you.

doing our traditions with your spirit.

Ill forever miss you.

and i know you’re looking out for me.

just like you did for me.

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Chapter 6

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦

~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

dear best friend,

though i don’t see and talk to you very often anymore,

youre still by my side.

your high in the sky.

far up and away from what you were trying to escape.

Skybird oh skybird,

i still feel your presence besides me.

your wingspan large,

and i can still feel your comfort

the warm glow of your smile

the smell of your cheap cologne against my skin.

the late nights we spent hours upon hours talking about.

The dancing in a kitchen at 3 am

the cookies we spent hours baking

only to end up sitting on the couch and eating them all.

i miss your kiss against my forehead when i start to fall asleep against your shoulder.

i miss you my beautiful skybird.

You fly with a different flock.

but you’ll always be part of mine.

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3 A M T H O U G H T S

With every bone in my body,

my shattered mind constantly taking in everyone’s negative words.

blocking out the positive.

a brick to the singing bird down the street.

A sudden eruption of change.

puffs clouding my vision,

scars and bruises corrupt what i could be.

chains leashed by the dozens around my throat.

a burning sensation of pure bottled love.

simply complimented with a few puffs.

friends drink and cry while sitting against the dead people.

We knew we’d end up like them. so might as well make friends right?

The graveyards where we go at 3 am.

the social outcasts and wanna be’s.

the thinkers and over achievers.

we all use the graveyard of our minds as a reminder that we are all human.

lies of i love you’s and i’ll be there cross over each other.

yelling and screaming, only to be echoed and drowned with bottles and bottles.

new scars appear, making the older ones seem less intimidating.

bruises and scratches along side the beautiful crevice of the angles.

hips covered in bruises,

legs scratched

back whipped and cracked.

3 am is my happy place.

my reflection time.

my soulmate found and accompanied by the moon.

the sun constantly fighting with me,

where as the moon and clouds are the best company.

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To You

To you. your sharp pains of unjustified doubt and pain.

To the poor sharp pains in my shoulders, your stress physically weighing me down.

To the mirror. You shape my body’s curves.

to my eyes. You deceived me. You made me believe my body was terrible.

To the light shining through my window on a february day.

Youve made my skin glow in your ever lasting love.

You told me i love you in pictures.

Oh light, you bring on a new day and thought.

you bring on new exercises and people.

people who twirl my hand in theirs,

people who help me realize i am beautiful.

Insecurities, you disappeared after i cut my wounds off.

Insecurities you brought up terrible past life’s.

insecurities, i’ve replaced you with light and love.

some days you make fun reappearances,

others you lay down. and rest.

im getting over you.

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

heart beats

thump...thump...thump...

some days my heart drums up an army.

some days my heart stirs a hurricane in a bowl.

other days it withers like an unwatered plant in a window. on display for all to see.

thump...thump...thump...

the scarlet red ing through each body part like a wave in a vast ocean.

some days it’s sweet to the touch, scarlet honey.

other days it’s as bitter as a lemon.

thump...thump...thump...

letting too many people near,

it echoes in my ears.

thump. thump. thump.

its pounding growing louder and ringing.

thump thump thump thump.

i cant outrun it.

i am drowning in the scarlet ocean of this heart.

absorbing and healing the wounds ive allowed into my life.

stitching and bandaging.

thump...thump...thump...

it lays dormant like mount everest.

the thumping subsides.

the ringing calms itself.

thump...thump...thump...

no more heartbeat.

hearing the red beeping noise of the monitor dying.

eyes shut for the last time.

hands grow limp.

...beeeeepp...

no more storms

no more plants

no more armies.

this souls fire has died out.

along with her ambitions.

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

I hate..

the words you spun in a spindle of lies

the sunrise in the morning that meant i would be harassed and tormented by peers.

the glow of the moon on a clear night which meant insomnia was coming to stay.

was i never meant to be my own person? or was i meant to be a servant? loyal and kind?

i hate the fact that i would drown for others.

slumping away my own problems and self esteem.

just to get one person to smile i’d risk it all.

you know i’m a servant at heart. and that’s what i’ll die doing. my own self perseverance doesn’t matter.

i hate the fact i’d scream at the top of my lungs and no one would hear me.

i hate how i want attention from everyone.

i hate how i need to be the smartest person.

the prettiest in the room.

the one with everything they need.

ive learned i am a servant. and nothing more.

i hate how loud and vocal i am

i hate my poems and how they are all pain driven

i hate my writing abilities.

i hate who i’ve become.

this one has no post!

~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Chapter 7

𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴

~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

tick tock

mother, where’s our clock? the one that tells us when we’ve expired?

ticking in our heads,

forming lyrical acrobatics

telling us to eat and drink

whispering to the body when to do things.

whispering to the feet

right...left...right...left

well honey it’s all up there. in your heart too. why do you ask?

printed into the back of our heads is a date..

any day we could reach that date

go limb.

the skeletons in the grave.

our spirits limbering the town

our life to be toured over like paris.

i need to know when it’s my time to go.

the texts you’ve sent to him or her won’t matter.

your expiration date nearer.

the white heavenly dressings you’ll be put in.

the bird over head silent, onlooking.

watching you be buried

next to those who have long past their expiration date.

when will i set my expiration date?

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

The Kingdom

Its iridescent golden flakes draping the dresses and gowns where we played dress up.

the fake tea pots and glasses where disney princesses danced.

the family made films of our dances and our lives.

we played make believe kingdom

little cousins turned into orchestras and choir ensembles,

older ones turned chefs and butlers and maids,

while we sat there in our decorated ball gowns and plastic heels,

our crowns sitting on our heads.

we paid them in fake cash and kissed the frog stuffed animals.

we prayed that one day we’d own a kingdom and that wish upon the star came true.

here i sit years later waiting for the kingdom i once played make believe

i found it one day and i ruled it with many people,

listening to each complaint and problem

trying to hold it with ease.

it crumpled, a princess turned runaway.

i left the kingdom in the hands of my closest friends and family.

i lost myself.

a loud mouth person who knows many,

but doesn’t know herself.

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~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~ :seedling: ~

Ending Note

This took a lot of work. and i hope you all have enjoyed some of my poems. i’ll be adding more and more as the months past. but i hope this suffices for now!