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statistics ::
words : 4241
characters w/ spaces : 23773
characters w/out spaces : 19509
paragraphs : 87
tags ::
:cherry_blossom: :: #AWICcozy
:cherry_blossom: :: #CCCWritingReview
:cherry_blossom: :: #WritingMatters
:cherry_blossom: :: #FuyuHawks
:cherry_blossom: :: #Huwumi
credit ::
cover photo : nocandnc on Tumblr
characters in story ::
Fuyumi Todorki
Keigo Takami | Hawks
teaser / synopsis ::
When Hawks visits the Todoroki household in hopes of meeting up with Endeavor, he ends up snowed in with the only Todoroki daughter.
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Tell Me When to Stop
The Todorokis weren't a particularly religious family, but they celebrated Christmas anyway. This was thanks to the only daughter, Fuyumi, who, despite not believing in Christ, loved the concept of Christmas. While Shoto and Natsuo usually participated in the gift exchange, Fuyumi was really the only one who did any preparations. She cooks the meal, decorates the house, puts up the Christmas tree, all the Christmas chores. And despite having no help, she did it happily. Especially this year, since her father had expressed interest in participating. Maybe one day, the whole family could gather around the tree and exchange gifts. Nothing would make her happier.
Christmas music played from the radio Fuyumi had moved into the kitchen as she cooked the holiday ham. It was Christmas Eve, and she was home alone. Natsuo had been invited to his girlfriend's for the day, Endeavor was at work, and Shoto was vising their mother. They would all return by the end of the day, so everybody would be together in the morning for gift opening. Several presents, all from Fuyumi, were already stacked under the tree in their living room. They were all meticulously wrapped, tied up with pretty bows.
She took a moment to gaze out the window, her ebony eyes watching the fragile frozen crystals land on the thick blanket of snow already on the ground. Once they met the colorless landscape, they assimilated, losing their uniqueness. If she had to gauge how deep the snow was, she'd guess about knee-height, but quickly rising. She bit her lip as she returned her attention to the meal she was preparing. Being inside during a snowstorm didn't quite feel the same as being inside during a thunderstorm. There was no specific sense of safety or tranquility; just the knowledge that it was snowing intensely outside.
Fuyumi's cadence was interrupted when a harmonious tune echoed down the long halls. At first, she didn't move, tilting her head as if she wasn't sure she had heard anything at all. Her gossamer hair, previously held at bay by her shoulders, poured over to brush against her neck. The melody played once more, convincing the thin woman to move hastily toward the door. Who would be visiting on Christmas Eve? Had one of her family forgotten their keys?
As she approached the wooden door, she eagerly peered through the peephole. Maybe somebody could help her cook, if they really were home early. But instead, her eager eyes instead recognized a face she had never seen in person. A young man about half a foot taller than her, with feathery dirty blonde hair. Which was quite ironic, because that wasn't the only feathery part about him. Majestic crimson wings wrapped around his torso, presumably to keep him toasty. She saw he had his teeth clenched in an attempt to stop them from shivering.
Fuyumi quickly removed her face from the door, unlocking it and pushing it open. Except, it didn't. The sheer amount of snow on the other side prevented it from swinging open. Furrowing her brow, she tried again, with no success. "Sorry!" she called through the door. "It's a bit stuck. Could you step back?" The young pro hero obeyed, trudging a few steps backward with great difficulty. His maroon plumage was already beginning to gain white highlights as the snow covered the color.
Fuyumi grabbed the brass doorknob, pressing her shoulder against the wood. She pushed with all her might, and began to feel the snow start to give way. She paused to regain energy, continuing moments later with a new burst of strength. The door shoved the snow to the side, and she stumbled out of it, quickly losing balance. She was poised to fall face-first into the sleet, but her descent was halted by a strong grip on her bicep. "Woah there," an impish voice chuckled.
The hand was coarse, and anything but smooth. Just from the simple , she felt scars, scabs, and callouses across his palm. Once Fuyumi was sufficiently steady, he released her. "Sorry, I'm not the most graceful," the frosty-haired woman said. As she spoke, her warm breath created small clouds of steam that billowed up in her face. Now completely exposed to the blizzard with no snow gear, she felt the frigid air bite at her skin, especially her nose and ears. "Oh my, it's cold out here. You must be freezing, come in."
Fuyumi stepped back into the warmth of her home, leaving ample room for the blonde to follow. Once he had entered, she closed the door behind them to block the crisp wind. The process knocked more snow from the eaves in front of the door, but neither of them would know until later. The snowflakes covering the man's wings started turning into beads of water as the warm, orange glow of the lights cascaded over him. "You're Hawks, right?" Fuyumi asked. "Fath...Endeavor mentions you sometimes, plus you're always on TV."
"Just call me Keigo," he insisted. "It seems a little stuffy to call me Hawks after you're kind enough to invite me into your home."
Fuyumi scoffed playfully. "What, was I supposed to let you freeze out there?" she inquired.
Keigo snickered, shrugging as if he could believe she'd do such a thing. "Well, I appreciate your kindness, and I'm afraid I don't know your name," he said. "Which is a pity, considering you just saved me from certain death."
"Fuyumi Todoroki," she said, offering her hand. He shook it heartily, and she felt the same scars once more. "So, what are you doing here on Christmas Eve?"
"Oh, is it..." he trailed off, looking down at his wrist as if he had a watch, and that watch would tell him the date. He wore nothing on his wrist. "I hadn't even noticed. But, I was hoping to talk to Endeavor. I tried visiting his agency, but they said he had already left."
Fuyumi tilted her head, her silver hair falling over her shoulder once more. "Really? Well, he's not here. You must have beat him," she said, bringing a hand to her chin as she considered how that would be possible. Well, Hawks was known for his speed. "But it doesn't matter, he'll be here soon. You can have a seat in our living room, and I can bring out some snacks, and maybe some hot chocolate?"
"Oh, there's no need for that," Keigo waved a hand dismissively. "Just show me to a place where I can sit, and I'll be fine."
Fuyumi rolled her eyes. "I'm not like dad. I make sure our guests are happy and comfortable. So you better fess up to your favorite snacks," she said, her hands on her hips.
That's all it took for Keigo to cave. With a mischievous grin, he conceded. "Fine. I'm not picky with snacks, but a hot chocolate sounds amazing."
"Coming right up!" Fuyumi declared. She motioned to a room separated from the entryway by a partial wall. "The sitting room is right in there. Feel free to turn on the TV, too. It's severely underused, it would appreciate some attention."
A few minutes later, Fuyumi entered the lounge with two cups of hot chocolate. The dark liquid was obscured by fluffy white whipped cream, marshmallows camouflaged in. She handed one to Keigo before sitting in a seat nearby him, glancing up at the TV. It was turned onto a news channel, reporting that the roads have been shut down due to a think layer of ice making them impossibly slippery. "Oh, that might hold Endeavor up," Keigo muttered.
"Nah, dad would just fly or something, get the car later," Fuyumi shrugged.
"You can go back to what you were doing before I arrived," Keigo said, his honey eyes drifting over to the woman sitting nearby. "I don't need any special attention, and I promise I won't steal anything."
"Like I said, I make sure our guests feel welcome," Fuyumi shook her head, her eyes crinkling as she smiled. "I don't have much to do in the kitchen anyway, the ham is in the oven."
"Ham?" Keigo asked. "Are you cooking your family a meal? Oh, wait, you already said it's Christmas Eve. I never would have guessed Endeavor celebrated Christmas."
"He doesn't, really," Fuyumi explained, her smile falling just a bit. "Just me and my brothers, until this year."
"So, and I'm sorry if this is a bit personal, but are you-" he froze, his mouth staying agape, as all the light in the room disappeared. The two were cast in darkness, the only illumination coming from the windows. It wasn't much illumination, considering any sun still left in the sky was covered by clouds, but it was enough to reveal the contours of the furniture. The colors fled the room, creating a film noir aesthetic. "The lights went out." That much was obvious. All of the power had gone out.
"Oh dear," Fuyumi wore a minimal pout, her mind immediately going to how this would effect her cooking. She looked out the window, realizing the snow was nearly covering it up. But through the small opening, she saw that the apartment complex across the street had no light on either. "I don't think it's just us."
Keigo stood from the chair, delicately placing his hot chocolate on the coffee table to prevent a spill. Fuyumi followed suit, although she wasn't quite sure what she was planning on doing. "I think I'll make myself useful and see what I can do to help out," Keigo decided. Fuyumi nodded, quickening her pace to make it to the door before him to see him out. Since she had just opened the door, she thought it wouldn't be too difficult to open again, but she ran into the same problem.
Even after putting her shoulder to it and pushing, there was no result. Keigo offered to try, but he couldn't open the door either, unless he wanted to break it. "No matter," he said, straightening his shirt. "This is an odd request, but is there a window on the second floor I could fly out of? Or a patio? I should have started with the patio."
"Oh, yeah, we have windows upstairs. No patio, though. Follow me," Fuyumi invited.
After showing Hawks to the window, he sat on the sill as the chill breeze ruffled his hair. "I'll be back in a bit with an explanation." He slowly leaned back until he fell out the window, plunging gracefully until the very last second, when he extended his ruby wings for a dramatic flair. He took off into the thick snowstorm, out of sight.
When he flew back in through the window, he hardly felt a change in temperature. He could still see his breath, even indoors. He made his way downstairs to find Fuyumi sitting in front of a fireplace harboring a pathetic flame, her knees drawn to her chest as she shivered. A beige blanket fell over her shoulders and dragged behind her like a cape, but he could still see her body shivering. Keigo was in a similar state, feeling as if there should be icicles hanging from his nostrils.
"Hey," he said, making her jump to her feet and turn around. She had her fists raised as if she were about to attack, but relaxed once she recognized him. "Some asshole decided to drive regardless of the shutdown, and crashed into something that put the whole block out of power. Everybody's fine, but power won't be up for a while. Do you not have a backup generator?'
"Sh-Shoto and father broke it d-during one of their practices," Fuyumi stuttered despite her best efforts. "Thanks for letting me know, though. You can go and find Endeavor, he m-might be stuck somewhere else."
"What?" Keigo asked incredulously. "And let you freeze in here? After you saved me from that very fate? That would be unacceptable." Fuyumi giggled at his dramatic act. She had only known him for a little over half an hour, the majority of that spent curled up alone in front of the fire, and yet she felt at ease around him. His mischievous voice and smile, his playful attitude, everything coaxed her into a relaxed frame of mind. With him around, they would surely find something to do.
"I can't ask you to stay with a stranger. Who knows how long the p-power will be out," Fuyumi shook her head disapprovingly. "You can't stay forever."
"I'm getting a sense of deja vu," Keigo said, placing his hand to his chin to stroke an imaginary beard. "Every time I offer to help, you're quick to say 'I can't ask you to do that!' How about this: stop thinking me as a stranger, and as a friend, yeah? A friend wouldn't just dip out after drinking your hot chocolate. If I offer to do something, or just do something without offering, only protest if you actually don't want me doing it. I promise it's not a hassle for me, I wouldn't offer to do anything I didn't want to. On that note, did you not want me staying? Cause if not, I can go."
Had she been like that? She paused to think about it. She had disregarded the fact he was fine without snacks, ignored him when he said she didn't need to spend her time with him, and was now rejecting his offer to stay. She felt guilty. Not because she was being a terrible person(which she didn't think she was), but because her behavior had been so repetitive. "Well...I suppose, if you really wanted to, I w-wouldn't be opposed."
"Great," Keigo clasped his hands together in success. "So, first things first is to get you to stop shivering. Blanket fort?"
Fuyumi stared blankly at Keigo, trying to gauge if he was joking. Her eyebrows were raised, grey eyes slightly more open than usual, her vibrating jaw making it unclear what shape her mouth was trying to hold. Upon his face, however, was the most sly grin she had ever seen. His amber eyes twinkled in excitement, one eyebrow raised inquisitively. "A-Are you a child?" she asked, this time the stutter not due to her shivering. "That's what I'd suggest to one of my students, and they're a decade and a half younger than me."
Even though she hadn't agreed, Keigo set about collecting anything that could be used as anchors. "Come on, it's something to the time. It'll be fun!" he exclaimed. "Besides, we can talk while we build. You're a teacher? I had no idea. Where do you keep the blankets?"
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Slippers slapped against the hardwood as Fuyumi came dashing back into the lounge with a laptop in her arms. She was now dressed in a nightgown and comfortable sweatpants. It was an odd look, but she didn't want to risk anything indecent with a guest over. Besides, Keigo definitely didn't care if her outfit looked odd. He himself had removed his jacket, wearing now just a t-shirt and pants. The blanket fort had excellent insulation, and it was almost like they weren't in a powerless house in the middle of a snowstorm.
Fuyumi crawled into the fort, positioning herself beside Keigo. She slid the laptop in front of them, lying down on her stomach. "I found it," she stated the obvious. "It's Shoto's, so I'm sure there's no, like, porn, or anything. If there is, he's smart enough to close out of it before closing his laptop."
Keigo broke out in laughter at her flagrancy. He was glad he had decided to stay. At first, it was just to be polite. She had been cordial, but had seemed rather bland. But over the past hour, he had met her goofy side, one he quite enjoyed. He could understand why children loved her so much; she knew the difference between sincere fun, and frivolous entertainment just used to time. He felt like he was back in middle school, before there were any responsibilities.
"Isn't the Internet down too?" he finally asked once he caught his breath. The entire time, Fuyumi had just been smiling while she watched his face light up in joy. "We can't watch Netflix or YouTube or anything."
Fuyumi reached into her nightgown's pocket and pulled out a couple of DVD cases. "Luckily, we're all a little old fashioned," she said simply, opening a flap on one side of the laptop and pressing a button. A tray slid out of the newly opened flap, ready to devour a DVD. "Greatest Showman, or Fury?" she asked, motioning to the DVDs.
"Eh, not really into war movies," Keigo said, examining Fury. "I have to deal with enough violence as it is." For a moment, his voice grew solemn, his face turning grim. Fuyumi studied his pensive expression with a look of concern. His eyes were downcast, and almost seemed darker, his mouth set in a hard line. She was reminded of the many scars covering his hands alone.
The expression ed, as if it was never there. "I've seen Greatest Showman like twelve times already, but I can always give it another go," he continued. Fuyumi bit her lip, contemplating interrogating him about the mood shift. But, she was capable of recognizing when something was too personal. Instead, she slid the DVD into the tray and watched the movie with him.
It didn't take long for the movie to become dull. They had both seen it multiple times, so there was none of the excitement of showing a friend a beloved movie. The movie was still good, and the music was exceptional. As they watched the song "The Other Side," an idea bloomed in Fuyumi's brain. Her hand shot forward and pressed the space key to pause the movie. "Let's recreate that scene!" she suggested. "I can roll the piano into the kitchen. We have plenty of shot glasses. It'll be so much fun!"
"Recreate it?" Keigo asked, still staring at the static scene. "The choreography?"
"And the music," Fuyumi nodded enthusiastically.
"You want me to sing?" Keigo clarified. Another nod. "I don't sing."
"Come on," Fuyumi begged, sitting up and turning her body to face him. "It's not like anybody's watching. The windows are covered in snow."
"It's embarrassing," he chuckled nervously.
"So is a full-grown adult suggesting we build a blanket fort," she pointed out.
"I...guess I can't say no to that argument," he conceded, a strained smile on his face. Maybe she was right. She had been the life of this rather small party, after all, almost exceeding his own charisma.
About fifteen minutes later, everything was set up. The piano was rolled into the kitchen, there were shot glasses on the counter, and the computer was open in front of them. "Who's gonna be the bartender?" Keigo asked. "Oh well, looks like we can't do it." He threw his arms up in mock defeat.
Fuyumi slapped his arm playfully. "We'll improvise," she said nonchalantly.
"Well, I'm just gonna warn you now, I'm a terrible singer. You're gonna wanna ask me to stop. Definitely do that, it won't hurt my feelings," Keigo explained. "Just...tell me when to stop."
Fuyumi stifled a laugh, showing her new friend a big, toothy grin. "I don't think it will be an issue."
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An hour later, they were back in the blanket fort, shivering once more. They hadn't quite nailed the routine, due to the computer dying and the fact it was still very cold. "Your singing wasn't that bad," Fuyumi lied in an attempt to make conversation.
"What are we gonna do now?" Keigo asked, ignoring her comment. "We can't finish the movie. Do you have any other snowy-day activities in mind?"
Fuyumi tapped her chin thoughtfully. Keigo could almost see the light bulb appear above her head as her eyes lit up. "Ooh, ooh!" she exclaimed excitedly, like a monkey. She quickly climbed out of the fort once more, disappearing down the hall. She returned with a bunch of boxes stacked on her arms, which she allowed to topple into the fort before crawling back in. "Board games! I used to play these with Natsuo all the time."
Keigo looked over all the games. Sorry, Monopoly, Clue, Risk, Battleship, Life, Candy Land, all of the classics. He tapped Monopoly, raising an eyebrow inquisitively. Fuyumi cleared the other boxes out of the way, opening the remaining container and laying out the map. "Prepare to be obliterated," she said, grabbing the small iron hat. Keigo chose the thimble.
"Hate to break it to you, ma'am, but you're going to be in tears by the time we finish," Keigo scoffed. "If things get too intense, just tell me when to stop."
With a competitive smirk, Fuyumi placed the hat on the start square with purpose. "I don't think it will be an issue."
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Fuyumi had forgotten they were in a blanket fort. As she came out victorious, she jumped to her feet in triumph. At first, she was confused at the soft resistance that met her head. It gave way without incident, and her view was blocked by the white fuzz of the blanket that had been above her. She pulled it off, leaving her hair frizzled and side-swept, as she looked around at the newly destroyed fort. The blankets had been pulled out from under their anchors, and we now drooping over the floor and furniture. She could see Keigo's shape sitting under one of them. "Oops," she chuckled nervously as she pulled the blanket off of him. His newly messed-up hair didn't look that different.
"Aw man, our fort!" he cried in faux despair.
"We can rebuild it if it's really so important to you," Fuyumi shrugged.
"Nah, it took way too long. And I doubt it will ever be the same again," he kicked a blanket near him dejectedly. He forced air through his closed mouth, creating a lip-trill. "Man, how long has it been? Do they expect people to survive in this storm without power?"
"You're free to leave," Fuyumi reminded him. "I can cuddle up next to the fire with some blankets and wait for my dad to come home. His fire quirk will be able to heat up a room."
Keigo laughed, unsure if she was referring to the flames on his body or the possibility of him catching the house on fire. "Nah, I'm having fun here," he said. "As long as you're okay with me staying?"
Fuyumi nodded, moving over to the now-free sofa and sitting down. Even though she had only been exposed to the cold for a few mere seconds, she could feel it gripping her skin. The visibility of her breath only convinced her she was more cold than she actually was, and she began to shiver. "I wish I was like Elsa," she mumbled. "Unfortunately, the cold still bothers me."
Keigo walked over, sitting beside her. "Y'know, at first I was surprised when you said you were a teacher," he said. "But now, I can't imagine you being anything else. Your humor is perfect for children."
"What, and you're so mature?" she scoffed, elbowing him in the side. "Y-You're the one who s-suggested we build a fort!"
"You're shivering again," he stated the obvious. Fuyumi nodded slowly, smiling like she was congratulating a child that had successfully counted to twenty. He scooched over to her, stretching out a wing and wrapping it around her. She looked over at him, her face blushing pink. "What? Just being a hero."
Fuyumi scoffed and rolled her eyes, looking away. "I'm having trouble thinking of anything else to do."
"That's okay," Keigo shrugged. "We can just sit here for a bit."
Despite Keigo's wing partially covering her, Fuyumi still shivered. She brought her hands to her arms in an attempt to conserve body heat. Keigo watched her, before inching closer. When she gave him an inquisitive glance, he ed it off as "huddling for body heat." She was well aware as he inched closer and closer over a three-minute span as they talked about random, benign stuff. "Seriously, what are you doing?" Fuyumi finally asked.
"Oh, right," Keigo said, as if he had completely forgotten something. "I was just getting in position to do this." He tossed his arm around her shoulders, as if they were on a movie date. Fuyumi laughed nervously, but didn't move.
"That was your slickest move?" she teased.
"Hey, I have to be careful when I'm flirting with Endeavor's daughter. I don't want to get on his bad side," he smirked. "I'd usually do something a bit more risky. That being said, if I'm bothering you, tell me when to stop."
With a smirk of her own, Fuyumi lowered her head so it was resting against his chest. Lying against him, she was filled with warmth, as if there was no snow outside.
"I don't think it will be an issue."
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Comments (3)
You watch as the beast perks up and quickly snatches the letter that materialises before it. It slides the letter to you and you open it...
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Hello again, I have finished with your critique, thank you for waiting so patiently!
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-> First off, this was so sweet! It was short yet filled with beautiful descriptions and your portrayal of the characters were amazing. The little banter and how they slowly get comfortable with each other was written extremely well with excellent pacing.
-> The only thing I'd like to point out is your use of punctuation marks. There's nothing wrong, I just felt there were a few places where you could replace a few of them to make it clearer.
For example:
Not because she was being a terrible person(which she didn't think she was), but because her behavior had been so repetitive.
Here you could perhaps use em dashes instead of brackets to show that it's an important interjection rather than a subtle addition. This will help add a little more emphasis.
And:
"It's Shoto's, so I'm sure there's no, like, porn, or anything. If there is, he's smart enough to close out of it before closing his laptop."
There are a lot of commas here. It's not wrong, like I said before, but maybe you could change it up a little; add a few suspension points to show hesitation or perhaps em dashes to indicate that she's cutting herself off.
-> The next one is just an insignificant thing you probably just overlooked but you wrote,
"due to a think layer of ice"
Just a little spelling error. Though I'm not sure whether you meant "thin" or "thick" :sweat_smile: .
-> The repetition of the lines-
"Just tell me when to stop"
"I don't think that will be an issue"
-was amazing. It made the readers pay attention to the shift in the air between them as they slowly grew more comfortable with each other. Very well done. I enjoyed reading this a lot.
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And that’s all! I hope this helps you improve in any way that it can.
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~Vixen, Associate of the CCC
You hear the soft padding of paws as a beast with rust red fur prowls over and sets a letter by your feet. Feeling its sharp eyes on you, you begin to read-
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Greetings! My name is Vixen, an Associate of The Constructive Criticism Crew here to claim your post!
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hello , my name is dionyus , an “ associate ” of constructive criticism crew and i am here to claim your post ! but before i begin , here are a few things to keep in mind before i send my review :
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