◦ unsteady ocean

╭━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━✶━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━╮

unsteady ocean

╰━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━✶━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━╯

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀: #EWCChal6

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 420

It’s fascinating, albeit also frightening, how much can change in such a short period of time. One realisation, one simple event, even one word can change your whole life, or at least some aspect of it. One decision, either made or to-be-made, can change how you feel utterly and come with unexpected, terrible consequences. I hate that that’s what happened to us, I despise myself for letting that happen.

You were my oasis, the only safe place I had. Peaceful sea with subtle waves soothing my nerves. No matter what, you never left nor doubted me. We could travel the world, just the two of us, with nothing more but a tattered two-dollar bill, and we would enjoy it none the less, for we’d be together. Your endless was like water washing down my worries, returning my steadily breathing.

Now, I feel like I’m drowning. The waves are bigger, unsteady. The water splashes aggressively across my face instead of it’s drops rolling slowly down my spine. Where once was the confidence of your reliability, now is fear. Dread of being tossed aside, distanced, abandoned.

And I hate myself, for you did nothing to irk those emotions in me, it’s my fault. The need to reveal my secret to you is eating my alive, and I find myself incapable of keeping it any longer, despite desperately wanting just that. Yet, I believe you deserve to know. I know how negative the reaction may be, some react saying it’s a sickness, some that it’s unnatural, but despite knowing so, I’m also aware that if such words escape your lips I will not survive it. Even then, your verbal reaction will be nothing in comparison to your decision as to what to do next. Because as desperate as it may sound, I cannot imagine my life without you.

I can’t help but fear your reaction, your next step. Will you shout at me? Accept me? Will you remain my friend or erase me from your life? No matter how much it may hurt, I’ll respect your wishes. However I cannot hide the fact that I deeply hope you will find it in yourself to keep me.

Taking a strong breath in, I knock on the dark, wooden door that opens shortly after. You’re standing there, smiling and welcoming as always. I desperately want to believe that after the truth is spoken, you’ll look at me with the same grin and shine in your brown eyes.

“Hey, I have something to tell you.”

— • —

if someone didn’t pick that up, this is actually about my best friend and the fear of coming out to them 🤷🏼‍♀