◦ drink for the love

╭━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━✶━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━╮

drink for the love

╰━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━━✶━━ ⋅𖥔⋅ ━╯

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀: #ssc2

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 385

🅦🅐🅡🅝🅘🅝🅖

substance abuse disorder

violence

Feeling of anticipation and longing overtook my senses. Throwing my head back as I take another sip of, cheap, yet so precious, crystal clear, bitter drink, I think of just how much I missed this. That short blissful moment, however, does not last, interrupted by my husband’s arrival. I merely his presence before the hell breaks loose.

What the hell are you doing Anne?! You’ve got to be kidding me! You told me you had stopped drinking! You said you had it under control! How are we supposed to live that way?!

Angry screaming followed, words that most people would regret, and we may too, are shouted with livid and sorrowful voices. I know I promised him I’d stop, he doesn’t have to remind me, but in this moment that promise means nothing. He constantly repeats how he loves me and wants to fix ‘this’, ‘this’ being me. He wants to fix me, because I’m not so perfect anymore. So what? Didn’t he vow to love me and me? Didn’t he promise just that, several times within the last week?

But this is what makes me happy, this bottle, it’s my key to happiness. Why is he trying to take it away? My heart breaks slowly upon the cruel realisation of my loved one’s betrayal. Dreadful question arises, did he ever love me? Looking at his face deprived of any understanding, any real , just anger and disappointment, I realise I know the answer. And I can’t help but curse myself for ever believing otherwise.

I don’t know when, but he managed to snatch away the bottle from me. That’s too much. I love him but at the same time, in this very moment, my hatred towards him is stronger than anything else I’ve ever felt.

Suddenly the shouting stops, world’s constant noise becomes a mere silent background and the only sound that reaches my ears is one of my hand loudly meeting his cheek. He looks at my shaky hand with disbelief and so many more emotions pouring from his brown orbs.

“I don’t know who I am married to anymore, you or this-“ He throws the bottle aggressively onto the floor. Glass shattering against the wood and the alcohol spreading all over it as he leaves me in the apartment. Alone.

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disorder: substance abuse disorder