◦ in memory of ‘them’

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in memory of ‘them’

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𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀: #curatorreview

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 1,834

🅦🅐🅡🅝🅘🅝🅖

hints of child death/fatal illness/suicide

Many believed that if they spent enough time in a certain place, they would eventually warm up to it, even if initially they disliked the location. I have to it, there is something to that theory, but it definitely didn’t work in my case. No matter how many times I’ve landed there, no matter for how long, I’ve always hated it. Honestly most people didn’t see anything unusual about this place, they didn’t react in any specific way once they heard a word “hospital”. It has become a part of their daily lives and they couldn’t care less about it unless they needed it.

Several walls, corridors, staircases, and people seeking medical assistance, and yet I hated it with all my heart. Those simple walls were soaked with emotions and their presence was unbearable for me. So many memories and feelings left behind in this building, both good and bad. I always found it overwhelming.

Right now however, I’m stepping inside this very hospital that I haven’t been to in decades, it doesn’t look the same now. Far from it, in fact it doesn’t look much like a hospital anymore. It reminds me of a garden of some kind. Everything is in grey-ish colour, a visible manifest of years that ed. There are various plants covering some parts of the walls and floors, the tiles on the floor cracked. There were definitely more doors here in the past than there are now, the windows don’t have much glass in them anymore. I can’t decide whether I hate it more now than before, but I still despise this place. Despite it all, I don’t have any other choice, there are memories left here that deserve to be ed just like in any other place I’ve been to so far. There’s no one else beside me to memorise them now, and soon I’ll be gone too.

I step inside and start walking down the corridor, at first I don’t feel anything. Some memories are stubborn, they don’t want to reveal themselves, their loss I suppose. But then something tingled me in my right arm, I turn right and walk into the first room. I can’t specify what room it is, I don’t think I can recognise any of the rooms here anymore, it doesn’t matter though. I see glowing, golden dust (or is it fog?) flying over the last bed. I approach it and nod my head in a signal that I’m ready.

The golden dusty fog forms into three human shapes, one of them is a man lying on the bed, holding hands with the second shape, definitely a woman. Next to the female there’s a little figure standing, must be a child. He wraps his other arm around a child to bring it closer and hug partly, while his right hand brings the woman’s palm to his lips. As he kisses her knuckles, she smiles widely and lets tears run down her cheeks. There are no words spoken, no words needed. As the child laughs and starts to jump, the scene fades away.

Those were happy tears, that’s a good way to start a day. I smile and turn around to see that another bed was occupied with light blue dust. I approach it and repeat the previous action of nodding.

The dust creates two shapes this time. One of the women is half-sitting on her bed, while the other is pacing next to her with her hands folded on her stomach. She’s visibly nervous, distressed, angry even, but also... undeniably sad.

”You’re not thinking clearly, just go sleep now and we will talk about it tomorrow.” The pacing woman says in a seemingly soft tone, but anyone could pick up on the nerves hidden beneath her chosen tone.

”No, Beth please just look at me?” When the other woman, Beth, didn’t turn to look at the female calling for her, she simply continued. “Look, I know this is hard for you too, but I don’t- I don’t want to spend the last weeks of my life in a hospital. I want to go home. I want to go home with you.” Unlike Beth’s voice, this one is genuinely soft. Delicate and, although sad, it holds hope. The pacing woman stops in her tracks and brings a hand to her lips in an attempt to mute her sob, but she fails and soon tears are running down her cheeks rapidly. Woman on a bed changes her position slightly so that there is more space now on her left side, she patted the spare room and looks at the crying female.

”Come in here.” Beth does as she is asked and sits on the vacant space. Immediately she falls into a hug that the other woman is offering her, never stopping the tears.

“Shhh don’t cry, look at me. Don’t cry.” She brings Beth’s face upwards so that they are on the same level now and looks right into her eyes, one of her hands caressing her cheek and wiping away the tears that escaped her orbs.

“I’m- I’m so sor- so sorry.” Beth mumbles between her sobs, but never breaks their eye .

“It’s alright, you have nothing to apologise for.” The other woman assures her and brings their lips together. The scene slowly fades away.

I look around the room once more, no more for me to do here. I leave the room and as I re-enter the corridor I see black dust flying over one of the chairs, or at lest the remains of it. I walk up to it and I know. I know this one is not going to be any more pleasant than the previous memory.

The black dust quickly forms, once again, two shapes. They are both sitting next to each other, hands clasped together. The man is whispering something to the woman, too quiet for me to hear, but by now I can as well guess what is being said. “It’s going to be alright”, “everything will work out”, “don’t worry”. It’s always the same.

After a short while, another figure appears, it must be a surgeon, it’s easy to judge by his clothing. He came straight from the operation room, didn’t he? The pair stands up and looks at him hopefully, but the hope in their eyes quickly disappears, the face of a surgeon saying it all.

”I’m really sorry, we did everything we could...” Sobs of a woman before him interrupt his explanation, she starts crying uncontrollably and eventually collapses to the tile floor beneath her, her whole body shaking.

The man nodded for the doctor to leave, they’ll have to talk again, but right then wasn’t a good moment. He kneels next to the woman, tears escaping his own eyes. He wraps arms around her and starts drawing shapes on her back with his hand.

”She was so young- so young-“ She tries to scream those words over and over again but the tears make it impossible. The sobbing increases and so does the trembling of her body. Soon enough, the scene disappears.

In the past, this would’ve been too much for me to handle. In the past.

I look around the corridor once more and once again see a memory that wasn’t there before. It‘s white dust flying next to an entrance, or an exit from this perspective, to the building. I approach it and without any hesitation nod, again.

Four white, glowing shapes form in front of me. One woman is approaching the door to open it for the other female who is sitting on a wheelchair, a little human wrapped in blankets resting in her arms. The fourth shape is pushing the chair, based on her clothes I’m pretty sure it’s one of the nurses.

”You do realise I’m not an invalid, right?” The woman says playfully from the chair, as the one opening the door reaches out with her hand to help her stand up.

”Oh I’m aware, but I told you I’m never going to be able to show you just how much I love you, and that is true, but I never said I’m not going to try.” She smiles warmly and helps the woman holding a baby stand up, stroking the little cheek with her thumb, and then moving to the woman’s lips.

”I love you so much.” Both women smiled genuinely, their hands and fingers interwinding.

”I love you too, and this little guy, he loves us both even more.” The scene starts to fade away as the happy, little family exits the building.

I can’t help the corners of my lips turning slowly upwards. I turn around and continue to walk down the corridor, finally I reach a new room where another memory is seeking attention. It looks like a staff room, purple mist flying over the chair next to a messy desk catches my attention. I approach it, prepared for a new dose of this place’s past.

Only one figure appears, it’s a man wearing doctor’s clothes, he’s sitting on the chair, his elbows on the desk, one hand on his forehead and the other holding tightly to a phone next to his ear. There is no one else in the room.

”I can’t do this Meg, I can’t.” His voice clearly on the edge of breaking. A minute of silence es, he must be talking to someone.

”I know I did, but- I know. God, I know! But what does it matter?! I can’t help them, I have to look into their faces as all their happiness is taken away! And don’t tell me it’s not my fault- No! I should be able to help them-“ He falls silent again, his hand falling to his cheek now.

”You don’t understand anyway- I know. Alright. I will- I will see you later.” Without waiting for a reply he hangs up and throws the phone violently to his right side where it hits the wall. He doesn’t seem to care though. Several more minutes es in silence, he just sits there on the chair, both hands gripping his head now. Eventually he lets out a desperate scream, either it is out of anger or sorrow, I can’t tell. Possibly both. Unexpectedly he stands up and the scene disappears abruptly.

I stumble backwards, taken aback by the sudden ending of this short piece of past. I approach the desk again and put my hand on it, seeking some balance.

The desk is messy, there are several documents of different kind tossed all over it, the text barely visible. I bring my hand away from the surface of the wooden furniture to see that it was resting on a note card. The text on it written in messy handwriting, it’s nearly unreadable, nearly.

”I love you Meg, I really do. And I’m sorry for what I did, but I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t. S-“ The rest of the note is covered in dark blood stains.

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Thank you so much for reading if you did, it would really mean the world to me if I got some on this piece but I mean, it’s very much possible that I won’t lol. Regardless, feel free to share your thoughts in comments, I would really use some advice. Have a good day/evening!