+ Only Lows + (Yellow)

+ Yellow- Abuse, Repeat Drug-Comparisons, Relationship Issues +

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“Baby? I love you. Don’t do this.”

My hands clam up as I go to grab Alex’s arm, but she pulls away.

“NO! DON’T TOUCH ME! YOU LIED!” her eyes flashed love and fear and pain and ion. A ion strong enough to pull me back into love and push me farther away all at the same time. It’s frustrating but I adore it. It’s like a drug you can’t quit. I get high on the pain she causes me. I know I shouldn’t. But I do.

Without trying, I corner her, to show her how important this is to me. I slam the walls and I scream. I scream out all the demons I kept inside for her. I can’t let her walk out on me, not like this. I’ll show her why she needs to stay. Why I need her so bad.

“Iris! Stop! Please you’re scaring me! Iris!!” her pleads bounce in my head, over and over. A deep urging inside tells me to stop, that what I’m doing is wrong, but I can’t stop. I’m on her high again and this time I’m not coming down.

Finally, she pulls me into her and kisses my lips. It instantly freezes me up and I stop. I stop everything. Seeing her look like that. I stop riding this feeling. I stop hurting her. I stop believing in her, in me, in US. I stop believing that we could change, that I could change. I slowly set her shaking body on the floor and kiss her head. I rub her cheek before I slip my braclet off and hand it back to her. My eyes darting everywhere but her face, tracing the memories that flood my head and overrun my emotions. Soon they’re spilling out in the form of tears and I’m a mess too.

“Alex.” the small energy left forces her head up to look at me, though I refuse to return the glance. “I’m done hurting us now.” The words fall out like a misplaced brick in a wall. The wall crumbles and she claws at my feet as I walk out the door. Every part of me tells me to turn around. To pick her up and hold her. Lay her in bed and care for her. Let her fall asleep in my arms. Yet, I don’t. I continue forward. Away from her. Down the emotional hill.

I close the door behind me and that’s it. No more Iris and Alex. No more fights. Sleepless nights. No more highs. Only lows.