My Candle

Hey there~

Thanks for participating in Critique Day!

I noticed that you have just a small bit of tense consistency, for example:

"A hand waves to me."

As you have been using past tense through the poem, I think you would use, "waved"

I also notice that through that point towards the end you use more of the present tense, try to keep up with the past tense as to not confuse the readers.

I also find the bluntness of the stanzas to be a change up of the way that poems are used. In different ways that it can be read, it could convey hurried feelings or even a feeling of nonchalantness.

Other than the tense, I really enjoyed this piece, I do hope you write more!

Hello!

🥀 Thank you for ing our Critique Day!

Things I Noticed:

:hibiscus: One thing I noticed while reading this was the large differentiation between the first and second half of the poem.

• In the first half you state things as:

”The room

Quiet, empty”

• However, in the second half you change things to:

”I open the door.”

• The large differentiation between these two halves is that one is a sentence cut in half while the other is a fully structured sentence.

• I would recommend simply stating the entire command in order for it not to seem as if the story is chopped or cut short.

-> The room is

Quiet, empty.

:hibiscus: Besides this, I love the message that you are trying to shoot across with the help of this poem!

:hibiscus: Those are all the suggestions I have, can’t wait to read more!

Hi there!

Thanks for participating in Critique Day!

Notes:

While I think your rhymes are amazing, the formatting feels slightly off. Some stanzas are two, three, or four lines, and it appears to be slightly inconsistent. This is free verse, though, so they don't have any rules. It's more of an observation/suggestion.

Your sentences also seem to be a bit choppy. Like, where it would usually say "A knock on the door", it is instead

"A knock

The door"

I feel as though one should continue to use complete thoughts even in poetic format, as it can be a little confusing to the reader to read fragments that aren't complete. This is also only a suggestion though.

This is a really interesting poem, nonetheless. You really set the mood when it comes to word choice and narration. Great work!

Hi there! Thank you for participating in this critique day!

Here is some of my :

• I noticed you sometimes do and sometimes don’t use punctuation. It made me wonder how some of the paragraphs should be read (for example the second paragraph). Try to be consistent with your punctuation. Either completely get rid of it, or not ;)

• I love the poem really XD Great use of the candle for imagery!

• Also awesome use of descriptive writing, even when you only use it little, it is really good!!

I hope this helped!