Kaiko's #30DaysOfShadow Day 4

Kaiko 10/18/18

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Hey yo Hatchlings.

We're already in day four of my 30 day Shadow Journey. We're going through these so fast, I can't believe how time flies.

Just kidding, it's taking me hours to do these and I wish I was just caught up with everyone else.

So. Today we're gonna be talking about masks and lies. The lies we tell eachother, but also ourselves - and the metaphorical mask we hide behind to protect ourselves. So please take a deep breath. We're diving right into this one.

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A lot of my current life is based in lies. I put up a mask for most people, if not all. Especially to my family. They have a completely different image from who I actually.

To start, for the longest time no one knew I was transgender. Most people still don't know, and for a while I even denied it to myself.

When asked how things are going in school it's always fine, even though it's really not. My father's side of the family (divorced parents) still doesn't know I dropped out and am studying something else now. I was in a major depression a year ago and forked up a lot of things for myself. They have no idea.

I always pretend to have no strong opinion whatsoever or to have one that aligns nicely with a family member. Still hardly anyone knows I'm into witchcraft and spiritual stuff, though I think my mum is starting to catch on.

To myself I also lie all the time. I make false promises to myself that I never keep. Mostly about bringing change into my life. On the other hand I'm telling myself all these stupid rules about how to do things that have no basis in reality, and that I'll die if I break them.

Really, my life is filled with lies.

For that reason I think my mask should cover my entire face. Really, almost nothing that is actually me ever comes through.

My mask would be white to hide away the darkness, but also all the vibrant colours I hold underneath.

As much as I'd like to make an elaborate design, I think it Would look rather bland. Cause that's how my personality turns out to the outside world. It has no mouth, cause I never speak my mind. The only real markings on it are the eyelashes and a single vertical line. I just couldn't contain myself, sorry.