#phanficclubsad - The struggles

Hey guys, it's Shameless. I'm in the phanfic club and our latest challenge was...

To write a sad/angst phanfic! The people who have read my early posts (not too early though those are just cringey) know that I love writing sadness, so here we go!

Trigger warning!! Contains mention of depression, drug abuse, self harm, homophobic slurs and mental/physical abuse!!

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Dan was a happy child. He always saw the bright side of things, always ready to try new things. He ed everything he had done in the past year, every dream, every word he spoke.

Until he turned five.

When he turned five, his nanna died. His idol. And only a few days after he turned five, too. His home life went horribly wrong after that. He forgot everything, gone forever. He could never anything.

His father became abusive and wasted all of the hard-earned money that his mother made. His mother worked six days a week for 8 hours every day. She was meant to be pulling in half a million pounds each year, but Dans father continued to spend it on alcohol, bets and even drugs every now and then.

Dan went through his whole primary school life drifting between different friends and groups, more often than not being the loner on the far side of the oval. He used to creep into his fathers room, and take some weed from his drug stash every week. He didn't know any better, after all.

He graduated primary school successfully, somehow pulling along with him, the Advanced Literature award. After this, he quit the drugs for a bit, thinking he was finally good at something, he finally had some worth.

Until the Christmas holidays when he had to spend 6 weeks in the house with his father.

His mother and younger brother had gone away for the 6 weeks, needing to visit Dans grandparents who had gotten into a fatal crash. Dan wasn't allowed to go, his father wouldn't let him.

He tried to stay in his room, tried to hide away from it. He was safe from whenever he woke up to midday. His father was never up before 11, and always started drinking at midday. So Dan would make the most of that time, going downstairs and making himself some breakfast.

After about half an hour of his father drinking, he would come up to Dans room and bash on his door, screaming at him to open it. Dan would have to, and he would always be hit for not opening it fast enough. Not only that, though, Dan would get hit for the pure joy of it. His father had no mercy, no morals.

Every morning when Dan woke up, he would be black and blue from head to toe, with a few cuts as well. The cuts came not only from his father smashing beer bottles, but also from the shards of glass left in his room that Dan used to his advantage.

His father yelled at him constantly, telling him how useless he was. He yelled about how he hated having a gay fag of a son and he yelled about how Dan couldn't ever get off his lazy ass and bring some money in for him to waste.

The start of year 7 was when Dan fell down a deep, dark hole. He dated a boy who used him, and then he dated a different boy who just wanted sex. Of course, Dan couldn't say no to anyone because of the scarring from his father, so he lost his virginity in year 7, before he even had his own opinions.

When he started dating the latter boy, he met that boys best friend, Phil Lester. Dan immediately clicked with the black haired boy, even if he didn't know why. He grew closer and closer, and stayed friends with him even after he ended things with the other boy.

After Dan had written down what he had done to him, Phil stopped talking to the boy. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. He couldn't pull Dan away from his father though, Dan wouldn't let him.

Dan started to grow feelings for Phil, but he knew that Phil wouldn't like him back. Phil was the most ive person Dan had ever been around, but Dan was still only 12. He couldn't go anywhere, couldn't do anything.

On Dans 13th birthday, his mother died. His little brother and him had no where to go, no way to escape their father. Dans little brother was fine, he never got abused, never got depressed. Dan just got it worse though.

Dan started to do drugs again, craving the sense of serenity he got from them. He craved the feeling of safety he got when he had no worries, mind overcome by the toxins.

Dan also started to cut more, and Phil didn't notice. Dan felt a little upset about that, but he was high most of the time anyway so it didn't affect him too much anyway.

Six months after his mother died, he had cuts scattered all over his body and had stolen hundreds of pounds for his drugs. Phil started to realise something was wrong when Dan started to wag classes, skipping majority of school. The only classes Dan ever showed up to were music and first session.

If his father found out he had been wagging school, Dan would be killed. He knew that, thus why he always went to school for the roll call in first session. After that he asked to go to the toilet and never came back.

Phil followed him one day when he wondered what Dan was doing with all this free time. He didn't get his name marked off in first session, but that's fine because he told his mother his motives.

When Dan exited that classroom, Phil followed at a distance far enough for Dan not to notice him. He followed Dan through a detour of the school, Dan constantly glancing around him to make sure he wasn't going to get caught.

He followed Dan to the back of the school, behind block 19 and the main oval, through the farm out to the abandoned water tank. He watched as Dan jumped into the water tank. Phil sighed, having no choice but to follow Dan into the water tank.

Phil cringed at the clanging he was causing as he scaled the tank, finally reaching the top and falling in. Dan looked at him with wide eyes as Phil looked around the tank. There were lighters and needles everywhere, and he even thought he saw a couple crushed beer cans.

He asked Dan if he was okay, comforting him all the way. Once Dan had explained everything to Phil yet again, he also confessed his feelings. Phil took him into his arms, letting him cry on his shoulder.

Phil helped Dan that day. He helped him quit drugs, he helped him get out of his abusive past. Dan and his brother got their father thrown in jail, and Phils parents let the two boys stay with them.

Dan successfully graduated high school, moving through to college without touching alcohol or drugs. He had ambitions to become a therapist to help children that were in situations like his overcome it.

He was halfway through his degree when he went to a party with Phil. It was Phils friends 21st birthday, and he was throwing a huge party. When Dan and Phil got there, Dan was enveloped with 2 smells he knew far too well. 2 smells he could never escape.

Drugs and alcohol.

He started having a panic attack, blocking out the music and everything around him. Not even Phils desperate calling could bring him out of this one.

He woke up several minutes later, to see Phil standing with his back to him, talking to his friend. Dan sat up, running out of the room and house. Phil quickly took chase, but he was too late.

In his mad dash, Dan had run straight onto the highway and had been hit by a truck, going straight through the windscreen.

Phil knew that he was gone. He had been too late. He couldn't save him. It wasn't confirmed, but he had that feeling in his gut.

The truck had stopped about 20m away, and Phil rushed up to it. He neared the front and heard frantic sobs. The sobs were not familiar though, and that is when Phil lost all hope.

Dan was dead.