Why Are The Pirates Bad?

Let’s talk about the Pittsburgh Pirates — the most stubbornly, persistently, embarrassingly bad franchise in Major League Baseball. This isn't just incompetence. It's a generational curse, a masterclass in futility, and living proof that baseball karma is real.

The Pittsburgh Pirates: A Legacy of Losing.

Since 1993, the Pirates have had just four winning seasons. That’s four winning seasons in over 30 years. In that same span, the Marlins — who have never won a division title — have won two World Series. And the Pirates? Not even a sniff.

2013 Wild Card game

Yeah, 2013 was electric. Cueto drops the ball, the stadium shakes, and for a moment, it felt like things were turning around. But like everything with this franchise, it peaked there. They lost the next round to the Cardinals, then back-to-back Wild Card heartbreakers in 2014 and 2015.

They’ve never won a division since 1992 — the last time Barry Bonds was wearing black and gold.

Pirates last playoff series win

That’s right. They haven’t won a playoff series since 1979. Jimmy Carter was still president. The Walkman wasn’t even a thing yet. You know who has won playoff series since then? The Mariners.

The Padres. The Rockies. Hell, the Marlins have won seven.

2018 trade deadline disaster.

when they traded Tyler Glasnow, Austin Meadows, AND Shane Baz for Chris Archer? That’s three All-Star caliber players for a guy with a 5+ ERA and a fastball that aged like milk. That one trade alone set them back half a decade. Fireable offense? Not in Pittsburgh, baby.

2021

And then there’s this. It’s the bottom of the second, two outs. Javier Báez hits a routine grounder to third. All the Pirates have to do is throw to first — inning over. Instead, they get confused by Báez running backwards toward home, try to tag the runner coming home, don’t get him, miss every throw, and somehow let a run score and Báez reach second base.

That’s not just bad baseball. That’s Looney Tunes.

That’s peewee league. That’s something you see in a glitchy video game and go “nah, that ain’t real.” But it happened. On national TV. And it perfectly sums up the Pirates: a team allergic to doing literally anything right.

Pirates payroll 2023

This is a team that routinely rolls out payrolls lower than half of Bryce Harper’s contract. In 2023, they were spending less money on their entire roster than the Mets were paying two starting pitchers.

And it shows! You get what you pay for: a lineup full of Triple-A call-ups and guys hitting .213 like it’s an achievement.

Bob Nutting

Bob Nutting. This guy. This man has turned the Pirates into a money laundering front for mediocrity. He’s made a fortune by doing the absolute bare minimum to field a roster and raking in revenue sharing checks while selling fans “the rebuild.”

Oh don’t worry guys, we got a new No. 1 prospect. He’ll fix everything! Just wait six years for him to make it past Double-A and hope we don’t trade him to Tampa for a 32-year-old reliever with shoulder issues.

2022

In 2022, they lost a game 21-0 to the Cubs.

Twenty-one. Zero. That’s not a baseball score.

That’s an Alabama vs. UTEP football halftime score. But no — that was real. And the worst part?

It barely made headlines. Because this kind of ass-whooping is normal in Pittsburgh.

PNC Park

And look — PNC Park is a cathedral. A baseball Mecca. One of the most beautiful stadiums in the entire world. And it’s wasted on a team that has no intention of winning, no direction, no leadership, and no shame.

Pirates fans, I don’t say this to clown you. Im a Philly fan, I’ll clown on Pittsburgh if I wanted to; but this is more sad than anything. I say this because you deserve so much better. You deserve an owner who gives a damn, a front office with a plan, and a team that can at least play basic fundamental baseball.

Pirates winning percentage since 1993

Since 1993, only the Tigers have a worse winning percentage. You know how hard that is? Just random luck should’ve given them one 90-win season somewhere in the 2000s. But no — they are actively allergic to success.

At this point, I genuinely believe the ghost of Honus Wagner cursed this franchise the second they moved on from black-and-white television.