Ahhh, the NFL changing rules again for “player safety.” Yeah, right. We all know it's about one thing—money. Let’s break these changes down, no sugarcoating.
Banning the Tush Push
“For player safety,” says the league that wants to add an 18th game. Let’s be real—nobody got hurt from the Tush Push in the 2024 season. The only issue is that one team (the Eagles, obviously) mastered the play while the rest of the league cried about it. “It’s unfair!” No, your team just sucks at it. The NFL hates when something works too well for one team. Mark my words—it’s getting banned because league execs can’t stand that they can’t do it.
More Kickoff Changes (Touchbacks moved to the 35)
Uh… sure? I guess? People hate the new kickoff rules, but let’s be honest—injuries went way down because of them. It’s not the most exciting rule, but I don’t really care that much.
Overtime Possessions
So now both teams automatically get a possession in OT, and apparently, everyone loves this change. Except me. Listen, if you couldn’t win in regulation, that’s on you. And if both teams are getting the ball, why is OT still 10 minutes? That’s just gonna lead to more ties or teams like the Eagles eating 9 minutes of clock and leaving the other team screwed anyway. If you don’t like sudden death, maybe play better in the first 60 minutes.
Christmas Games
Three Christmas games? THREE?! We get it, NFL—you really hate the NBA. And honestly? I respect the pettiness. But let’s be real, this is just a cash grab. I swear, in five years, they’ll be running games on every holiday. “Happy Arbor Day! The Bears take on the Lions!”
Thursday Night Football Flexing
TNF is already one of the worst things the league does—players get three days of rest, the games are on Prime Video, and they usually suck. So what’s the NFL’s solution? Let’s flex games in and out of TNF with three weeks’ notice. That’s right, teams and fans, keep your travel plans flexible. Give it time, and they’ll start throwing Friday night international games into the mix too.
First Down Measurements
Goodbye, chain gang. Hello, electronic first downs. And why? Because the Bills whined about a first-down spot last year—even though the ball was clearly short. First of all, why are two of these rule changes happening just because Buffalo can’t take an L? That said… yeah, this change makes sense. The league had to evolve at some point.
Replay Assistance
Now you can challenge penalties. In theory, this sounds great. In reality? We already saw what happened when they tried this with PI calls—it was a disaster. And somehow, the UFL is doing replay better than the NFL. No Sky Judge? No automatic reviews? Just vibes? Yeah, this is gonna go great.
Taunting Penalties
Oh no! A player pointed after making a big play! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!! Meanwhile, here’s a nonstop stream of beer and gambling ads. Seriously, the league said CeeDee Lamb wiping his nose was a gang symbol. Are we serious right now? No Fun League indeed.
Pre-Free Agency Period
Now teams can meet with up to five players before free agency starts. You know what? For once, a legitimately good rule change.
So there you have it—some decent changes, a lot of nonsense, and another year of the NFL pretending to care about “player safety” while chasing every last dollar. See you next time when they inevitably announce Wednesday morning games in Saudi Arabia.
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