Ayy, baseball is back! Well… it technically started last week because MLB loves that sweet, sweet Tokyo money, but now that every team is actually playing, it’s time to break down the American League. No sugarcoating, no fluff—just straight-up truth. Let’s get into it.
AL East
5. Tampa Bay Rays
The Rays are basically a garage sale at this point. The team is playing in the Yankees’ spring training stadium because the Trop’s roof got wrecked by a hurricane, which is almost poetic for a franchise constantly on the brink of disaster. Their ownership doesn’t spend, the lineup is mid, and their pitching—once their saving grace—looks like a group project where everyone forgot to do their part. This is shaping up to be a long, painful year in exile.
4. Toronto Blue Jays
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. might as well have one foot out the door already. The Jays had a golden window and slammed it shut on their own fingers. Alek Manoah fell off a cliff, Bo Bichette is good but not that guy, and their pitching staff is full of question marks. If things go sideways early, they might end up selling at the deadline, and by next year, Vladdy could be wearing a different jersey.
3. Boston Red Sox (2nd Wild Card)
The front office finally pulled its head out of its ass and convinced Rafael Devers to move off third base, which is great because he was playing defense like he was blindfolded. The offense has promise, but the rotation still feels like it was put together using duct tape and hope. That being said, if they can scrape together some halfway decent pitching, this team can make noise in the Wild Card race.
2. New York Yankees (1st Wild Card)
Hal Steinbrenner cries about payroll more than Yankees fans cry about Aaron Boone. Yes, they spend a ton of money, but somehow, they still have massive holes in their roster every year. With Gerrit Cole out for at least the first half, this rotation is a house of cards waiting for a stiff breeze. Anthony Volpe could be a game-changer, but if they don’t fix their injury-prone rotation, they’ll be another Wild Card flameout.
1. Baltimore Orioles
This is their division to lose. The lineup is young, stacked, and hungry. If the rotation holds up—big if—they can take over the AL. The one thing that might ruin them? Their ownership, because David Rubenstein needs to run this team like he’s allergic to failure. If they actually spend at the deadline, they’re a legit World Series threat. If they don’t… well, they’ll be another fun-but-frustrating Orioles team.
AL Central
5. Chicago White Sox
The White Sox are a dumpster fire inside of a nuclear explosion. Their biggest storyline isn’t winning—it’s how much they can get for Luis Robert Jr. before he eventually begs to be traded. This team is irrelevant until they prove otherwise.
4. Detroit Tigers
Tarik Skubal is one of the nastiest pitchers in baseball, and if he keeps it up, he might bring home some hardware. But outside of him? Eh. They have pieces, but the offense still feels like it’s missing something. They need Riley Greene and Spencer Torkelson to really break out if they want to be taken seriously.
3. Cleveland Guardians
José Ramírez is still that dude, but his ing cast is… questionable. They always find a way to be annoying to play against, but unless someone unexpected steps up, this looks like another year of “almost but not quite” for Cleveland.
2. Minnesota Twins
It all comes down to health. Byron Buxton, Carlos Correa, and Royce Lewis need to stay on the field, or this team is cooked. When healthy, they have the talent to win the division. When not? Well… we’ve seen that movie before.
1. Kansas City Royals
Bobby Witt Jr. is him. The dude is going to be an MVP candidate sooner rather than later. The rest of the team? Sneaky solid. If their pitching holds up, they could surprise people. If not, at least Royals fans can enjoy watching Witt make everyone else look foolish.
AL West
5. Los Angeles Angels
Mike Trout deserves better. The Angels are just kind of there at this point. No Ohtani, no real direction, no hope. The only real question is whether Trout finally asks out or if he just accepts his fate like a man stranded on a deserted island.
4. Houston Astros
For the first time in nearly a decade, it feels like the Astros’ reign is crumbling. The pitching isn’t what it used to be, the offense isn’t as terrifying, and the farm system is depleted. Maybe they have one last run in them, but this doesn’t feel like the same Houston team that used to steamroll the AL.
3. The Athletics
First off, it’s ridiculous that this team is playing in West Sacramento. The move to Vegas is a disaster, their ownership is a joke, and their fans deserve better. That being said… their young talent is legit. Give it a couple of years, and this could be an exciting team—just not this year.
2. Seattle Mariners (3rd Wild Card)
The pitching is fantastic, but will the offense show up? If Julio Rodríguez has an MVP-level season and they get some actual production from their lineup outside of him, they could be a legit threat. If not, they’re a fun but flawed Wild Card team.
1. Texas Rangers
The 2023 champs are FINALLY the team to beat once again. The offense is loaded, the rotation is solid if Jacob deGrom stays healthy (big if), and they have the swagger of a team that knows how to win. If deGrom is even 80% of what he used to be, the Rangers are a serious problem.
That’s the American League, no BS, no sugarcoating. Stay tuned for my NL predictions, where I’ll break down the real league—because let’s be honest, the AL is just the appetizer for the main course. Play ball, motherfuckers!
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