How many supernovas would open up their voids, burning with emotion, and say, "whoever you are, you're stardust. I'll take you." So many.

:cloud:

"Look," says the night. "Soon it will be a new day, and maybe tomorrow will bring brighter sunshine. But right now it is night and we rest. Let me take your worries for you."

:cloud:

Brain

1. I hate closets and elevators and and small spaces.

2. In New York City there's a hotel with a more than 16 glass elevators and I went in one that was packed with people so I could use the bathroom in this hotel even though I wasn't staying there

3. I scrunch my face up when I'm uncomfortable

4. My words get scrunched up along with my face and when the discomfort leaks all the words out onto my pillow at night, they stay there, with the sleep dust and the forgotten dreams

5. I always groan when I wake up and sometimes I wonder if it's because I need more sleep or because I need less stress

6. My alarm clock only sounds an alarm every other day but my body doesn't even work at that efficiency; my brain wants to sound an alarm every day but it gets lost somewhere between my reflexes and whatever part of me is afraid of asking for help

7. My internal alarm clock is always ticking and the weirdest things set it off, like strange textures and loud noises and small spaces and that look that lady just gave me oh my god she hates me so much what is happening right now where am I I'm supposed to be paying attention and God, I wish I knew how to shut it off, and

8. I don't know what this is a list of. It's a list of things I've started talking about but never finished, it's a list of mental ticks, a useful list of useless behaviors, a disorganized ode to my conscience, an attempt to organize the unorganized. It took humans a long time to realize that we are not the only thing on this planet so I can only assume that it took us a while to figure out that our brains are not only one thing.

10. I skipped a number just to confuse myself. Because I'm full of confusing aspects and not only does the world need to get used to it, but I need to get used to it. I start here and must go somewhere with the vessels I am given, the broken, confusing, incomprehensible thing I am to call my brain.

:star:

Dance

My mom won't let me dance in pointe shoes because it's bad for my feet.

My brain psyches me out every time I go to ballet class.

So I dance at midnight when I should be sleeping.

I have a pair of pointe shoes in my imagination.

I need sleep and I shouldn't wear pointe shoes.

It's not good for me but sometimes the bad does me better.

:star:

Muscles

I learned to ride a bike round the streets of a neighborhood I didn't know completely yet.

Walking limited how far I could go; a block is a simple square in a whole neighborhood worth exploring.

And my legs were just waiting to take a spin.

Legs are have better memories than brains sometimes. They can paths. And that's why certain things are as easy as riding a bike, they don't take mental memory but muscle memory.

So what do our muscles before we learn to ride bikes? Before we learn the way around the neighborhood?

:star:

Complaining

Sometimes I turn lights on the house so I feel less alone, and I turn all of the lights on because I'm an all or nothing kind of person, you have to be otherwise you end up with something in between and have to be okay with just a little bit but too much to complain over.

I don't like how complaining is considered rude because when you don't get to do anything about your situation everyone expects you to just sit there and not say anything and how was I supposed to tell the weather not to be rainy maybe it just felt like being rainy that day and I just felt like complaining.

:star:

Priorities

The future sucks but so does the past why do we want the present to last and send ourselves into a deeper now on a rocket blast we’re cast off on a space rock and all we care about are ourselves we’re bred that way to survive but now that we can do more than that surviving is all we doing and we fly toward light stupidly like moths in summer thinking after our lives are over they don’t matter anymore. Mind over matter it’s about the possibility of things that could matter, in fact matter is anything that takes up space so everything that takes up space in my brain matters what are priorities