⋆── On love

I was never taught how to love,

I never received the kind of love that was soft and gentle,

I never knew how to be kind in love,

So when I met love

I never recognised it

because it was the most unfamiliar feeling to me.

And when love poured its soul to me,

when love held onto me like it's life were in my hands,

and when love went against all odds to be in my favour,

and the way love remained constant

in hopes that I would accept and return it,

I turned away.

I took love and returned it with pain,

memories scarred into its skin,

trauma carved into where hope once lived,

hurt filling the cracks where softness once dripped,

fear flowing through the veins where dreams once flowed,

I took the innocence of love

and let it seep in all the cruelty on my sleeves

until it was drowning in the poison

between my fears and feelings.

Oh dear, love

please forgive me

for shattering you into pieces,

for leaving you stranded in the abyss,

for abandoning you when you needed me the most,

for pricking your sweetness with venomous needles,

for throwing your kindness into a fire

and for leaving you with burns that you can never heal from.

Oh dear, love

please forgive me

for torturing and testing you

for mistreating and neglecting you,

for the immense pain I repaid you with

when all you did was love me.

All you did was love me.

Oh dear, love

please forgive me.

Dear love,

your love was gentle,

kind, soft, sweet,

filled with hope and dreams,

made of loyalty and respect,

covered in faith and trust.

It was everything I ever searched for,

everything needed to repair my heart,

everything required to heal my soul,

everything needed to teach me love.

Dear love,

please forgive me

for not realising sooner

for not catching you when you fell,

for not dressing your wounds when you bled,

for not answering your thousands of calls,

for ignoring the sorrow when you call my name,

for making you beg to be loved a little in return,

for bringing you to your knees,

for sucking dry your self-worth,

for the harsh storms that raged off my tongue,

for the slander that was never meant for you.

Dear love,

please forgive me

for burdening you with the pain that you never caused,

expecting you to fix what you never broke,

and even when you were ready for all that

for never showing what I wanted,

for mean words that melted into your skin

that you can not forget,

for the blood that you bled at the edge of your life,

with only a few breaths left in you.

This ugly, bitter, emotionless, cruel

love that I had harboured in my heart

was all I was taught,

I wanted to love you so softly,

to return your love in a manner

beautiful and bright like the moon,

or sparkling like the summer seas,

decorated with your favourite flowers,

and made of all the words you needed to hear

to heal your heart and spare your soul.

I wanted to love you

like you deserved,

truthfully, unconditionally.

image used does not belong to me. found on pinterest.