Obsessive and compulsive

It started out small.

Frustration here and there as my words spilled outside the perceived barrier

And so I would erase, erase, erase until the word was no longer there but the word still stained the page

I would double check my work as my teachers had taught

Until 2 checks turned to 3 turned to 4 and continued increasing in number to the point where I had no time

I began checking the other things in my life making sure doors were closed in case of a fire that the oven was off in case of a fire that my phone was ready and poised in case of a fire

My mind began to think what if I needed that box for a project and so I started collecting boxes for all the future projects I would have

I began collecting small things random things everything in case I needed it because someday my grandmother's place from her wedding dress would be needed

And then the cracks in the sidewalk became thorns that would prick my feet if it touched them

It was uneven and my mind would tell me that it wasn't right wasn't natural and so I spend my days jumping contorting my feet to avoid the thorns

My bedroom may not be neat but everything has a place do not move do not move do not move that pencil or piece of paper

Symmetry does not make the OCD

It is the frustration

The anxiety

The thing that makes me count everything

What makes me avoid certain roads because they have so many cracks it's impossible to traverse

The thing that makes me want to erase and start over and check check check to perfection

The repetitive thoughts going in and out in and out of my head

It is not just the symmetry

-Niev