i will not cry at your funeral

warnings

child death mention (not literal but treated as such?)

school is kicking my ass rn, here take a poem about transgenderism.

ik it doesn't seem like it but this is entirely a love letter to that little girl. it's her life that fostered mine anyway. i'm still that girl, but also she's still dead. it's kind of a shrödinger's cat kind of situation

also i really really adore that title, it's been on my mind all day + i revisited a bunch of nostalgia today so i guess i kinda squashed those things together

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silly young girl:

dead and buried;

mean but not too much,

toughened up little tomboy

wear mismatch just to bother the others;

doodle oodles of

sunflowers and eyes and creatures

in the corner of your notebook;

a smartie and a pushover

so you're "mature for your age"

but nobody can spell your name;

a weirdo and a freak and a silly goose

but you embrace it,

call all your peers kiddo;

yell at your friends

because you're supposed to be

the responsible one;

do a fun little idle dance,

pick up phrases for a week

then forget all about them.

you are dead

and i killed you.

from your grave

there grew a flower

and his name is mine.

[september 8 2023]

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image is by pawel czerwinski on unsplash - this guy seriously has a monopoly on my cover images rn. i adore his work