You weren't there

TW: mentions of suicide attempts and self harm

I watch as you slowly grow distant

Said you don't want to be associated with someone like myself

That I'm deranged and fucked in the head

I can't even argue because I know you're right

It's still so unfair in my eyes

I always went out of my way for you

I went to war with myself for you

I saved you when you were drowning in your own blood

I got a ride and drove for hours in the middle of the night speeding down I75 for you

Yet despite it all I'm the bad guy in your story

Maybe now that you're without me you'll see everything I've done for you

Who's going to chase you through the woods when you're upset?

Who's going to run to your house in the middle of the night to stop you from doing something stupid to yourself

Who's going to bail you out after you've been driving under the influence

Who's going to carry you back home from some random bar downtown smack in the middle of the week on a Wednesday night

Not me

Because when you look at me you don't see any of that, you only ever see my flaws

That's okay with me really

You were never there for me anyways

You weren't there when I tried to drown myself in the lake

You weren't there when I was drunk and needed someone to pick me up in a city hours away

You weren't there when I overdosed on pain killers in the school bathroom

You weren't there when I was running from the red and blue flashing lights in the middle of the night

You weren't ever there now that I think of it

At my worst you just run and hide away from me

Gossiping about me with all your fake friends as if I'm a stupid joke

Everything I've ever told you just gets broadcasted like TV

From my biggest secrets to my biggest fears

It doesn't really matter to you

Nothing ever really mattered to you

I never mattered to you