Lost :ocean: (story based on true events)

:warning: (TW)

I lost myself years ago. A journey of endless battles took place inside of me and until this day it hasn't stopped. That's the reason for what took place during on of my vacations. I almost lost everything.

My mind was tired, my body felt weak, covered in scars and shame, my heart was gone and the emptiness inside my chest was heavy. I walked through the sand and standing in the water, staring at the sea, walking towards the depth within the waves I thought...

"It would be so quiet, so peaceful, to simply take my last breath while staring at the immensity of the sea...to stop existing".

So I let myself be embraced by the water and letting my breath bubble away,

I closed my eyes.

Suddenly I became self-aware and in that moment I saw my little brother and my parents crying compulsively... my mom screaming in front of all those shocked faces in the gathering crowd as they took my lifeless body out of the water. I saw my parent's lives destroyed and I could almost hear them telling my little boy that his big sister would never be coming home again... I could see my brother becoming a dark, sad kid...

I saw him become ME.

And how my family, my dear, sweet, caring family would never be able to look at the ocean, to feel the sand beneath their feet, to visit that place, to enjoy a sunny day, without ing my death, our last exchanged words, my last smile... Without shedding a tear, without collapsing on the ground wondering...

"Where did we go wrong? How could we let it happen?"

With those horrifying thoughts screaming inside my head I came back to the surface and gasped for air.

I just stood there for awhile... feeling the sun and the waves against my skin.

I got out of the water, laid down on my black towel and fell asleep... I woke up in shock, it all felt like a nightmare.

So I opened my notebook and I writing:

"I'm thinking about what I almost did and what I believe I'll never be able to do, because these thoughts of guilt haunt me and I'm glad they do".

XxCaroline (story based on true life events - one of my suicide attempts)

:hearts:

#CuratorReview