Feb 13th. Call for Advice!

It's kind of a lot to read, sorry..

🌧Some background info🌧

I'm pan and have discovered that I am very very gay. This has been the most eventful school year of my life. I got depression! Isn’t that cool?! I never thought that would happen to ol’ sunshiny me.. but it did, and that’s okay ‘cause I can live with that. Turns out, I have two crushes, one has to do with the cause of my depression, but surprisingly, neither of them are the focus of this blog.

Throughout the school year, I kept seeing this glorious human being, super aesthetic and pretty, and in my brain she was just Attractive Person :tm: ( :cherry_blossom: AP :cherry_blossom: ). She’s good friends with one of my friends, I’ll call this friend California. One time we were all being crackheads on Halloween trying to find my sister and my crush (Lets call her uhh “Maya”) me and AP :tm: were yelling “SEBASTIAN” and “YOUNG LORD” at the tops of our lungs. And yeah, that ends background info. Also, Maya knows I like her very very much. AP :tm: and Maya are not the same person.

:hibiscus: Yesterday :hibiscus:

(Sorry if it’s hard to follow ;))

So, yesterday I came to school with candy for Valentine’s: Ring pops and Jolly Rancher Lolly Pops, since there’s no school tomorrow. I also made three flower crowns, one for my sister, one for me, and one for, well, “Maya”. I handed out my candies to some of my friends in the morning. And as we are goofing around, I spot Attractive Person :tm: with her friends a little ways from us and I tell Lali (A real close friend of mine) and she doesn’t pay attention to me like always. And I get a sudden burst of confidence and go over there.

She’s standing in a tiny circle with two or three of her friends, and they must’ve been talking about something Valentine’s related, cause when I tapped her shoulder and presented her with a ring pop, one of her friends said, “Look, someone loves you.” I smiled and walked back to the rest of my friends and proceeded to have a panic attack because Maya wasn’t showing up and I had a super delicate flower crown in my backpack that I was looking forward to placing on her head.

My school’s teaching periods are very odd, because on Thursdays it goes Fifth, Sixth, Seventh period, Lunch, then First and Second. So Fifth ed pretty easy, and I knew that Maya’s Sixth period is right next to mine so I wait until she es and I give it to her and it’s super cute, unimportant to the story but very important to me...

Lunch comes and long story short, I see AP :tm: sitting where she normally sits and I’m walking to my lunch circle with stinky head, uh, “Ethan”. At this point I’m holding a box of waxed flowers I made at home, and my instincts go “pretty flower go look nice in pretty girl hair” and I tell Ethan with my back turned to AP :tm: , “ᴴᴱᴸᴾ, ᴳᴬᵞ ᴾᴬᴺᴵᶜ” and he replies with OwO “who??” And he tries to guess and doesn’t fail (sadly) and I tell him what my brain said. We stand in her general direction and I make eye (on accident) with her several times. He’s like “doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit” and my limbs are like “No! We’re going in this direction! ;)” As I’m walking away, stupid idiot boy Ethan goes over to her and says, “ I know someone who likes you,” (which is an over statement).

Time es and after about two small panic attacks, AP :tm: frickeN WALKS OVER TO MY GROUP, FAR AWAY FROM WHER SHE USUALLY SITS AND T H A N K S ME FOR THE RING POP, CALLS ME COOL FOR DOING THAT, AND TELLS ME SHE FEELS LIKE NO ONE LOVES HER AND I SAY “YOU’RE WELCOME” AND THEN TELL HER THERE’S SOMETHING ELSE, WALK OVER TO MY SPOT, PULL OUT A FLOWER, AND ASK IF I CAN PUT IT IN HER HAIR.

She’s really, 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 pretty..

And.. And so I sit back down in my spot. AP :tm: ’s off in the vicinity of my friend group talking to people. (At one point she’s talking and following Maya around and I want to know what that was about) so then I had a triple Panic Attack and was actually shaking because Maya was sitting with AP :tm: and I realized that I didn’t even know AP :tm: ’s name! And I also wanted to get a picture of Maya in her flower crown (I did and I would show but that’s discrimination of her privacy (look at my pfp)). So, two of my problems in the same place. Fun. I eventually do go over there but nothing important happens. I catch both Maya and AP :tm: ’s eyes a couple times (AP :tm: looking away real fast :>).

The whole group including Maya, my sister, and AP yell about some hot Anime guy from Ouron Highschool Host Club and then the bell rings. Then I go and ask Maya if I could take her picture and she says yeah so I do. She’s super camera shy and it’s adorable. Everyone thinks she‘s supposed to be this tall scary “I will end your bloodline” lesbian but she’s camera shy and has social anxiety. So! There’s my day.

I could /not/ concentrate in first period today. All I kept thinking about was AP :tm: . Her golden brown freckles and the round glasses. Her smol accent and her lil smile. Her big green and purple jacket, gah, I need to stop.

Her name is Ana.

Ana.

California told me after I got home.

The only real name in this post... Ana

I want to date her and I think I have a chance. I’ve never dated anyone so this is huge. But I don’t want to date someone just because I think they’re attractive. What should I do? I have until Tuesday to decide :> I would appreciate any advice and if someone were to pm me for the whole story, that’d be nice. Also I spent like three hours on this. Might repost when I wake up ._.