＊Breaking Point ~ Journal Entry VI＊

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╔    - ˏˋ𖧧∘𖥸∘𖧧ˊˎ -     ╗

Journal Entry VI

╚    - ˏˋ𖧧∘𖥸∘𖧧ˊˎ -     ╝

How are you today? I hope you're doing alright, and it not, I hope the pain eases soon. I have another messy, raw journal entry. This entry was actually written in my paper journal first, and I copied it over to Amino.

The events of this entry happened shortly before getting let out for Christmas break. I decided to play around with my style in this entry to try something new. So feel free to leave a comment giving your opinion on this writing style.

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『Trigger Warning: The following content has mentions of depression and anxiety. Proceed with caution.』

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Breaking Point

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She was already so fragile. She couldn't handle much more. Teachers not being pleased with her was already building up especially after English.

Band is usually nerve-wracking enough, but all eyes being drawn back to look at her shattered her remaining health and little confidence she actually had.

The first comment was about her playing with her friends hair, and then the snap of fingers tears were tripping off her cheeks. A room of sixty some kids, and all eyes pierced her through the heart.

Panic set in as spirals asked what people would think of her and her friend. Yet she's silent; attempting to have some sort of glue to keep her together.

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Her friend recognizes the agony she's going through. He's gentle and tells her it's okay. He can see how desperate she is for some sort of comfort.

And so she leans on his shoulder as she searches for the composure it seems she's lost. However, it was a mistake.

A second comment is made, this time about PDA and the people are spinning to look again. She cracks under the pressure. What was once silent tears is now gasping for breath.

The teacher headed to her office so the girl saw her chance to leave.

She needed out. She couldn't be here anymore.

She rose, frantic and vulnerable. But she collapsed. She clung to the back of her chair sobbing before dashing towards the doors.

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She was still clutching her phone and earbuds that couldn't seem to drown out the world the way she wanted them to today.

But then the doors behind her opened again, with the band director following behind.

"Where are you going?"

The girl couldn't fight it any longer. She sunk against the wall in the hallway while violently shaking breaking down of public front of a teacher.

Another low point to add to the list.

The director tried to explain that it was nothing personal; it was only a matter of maintaining order and it wasn't meant to upset the girl. Even though the girl knew the director meant well, she dare not say that she was dating the boy. She was far too anxious and scared to fight back. She was curled up in a ball on the ground frightened.

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Empathy was written on the director's face. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

It broke the poor girl's heart to explain: it's severe depression.

"Has it been building up, or is it just a bad day?"

"Some of both."

The teacher offered to let her walk the halls a little bit and the girl took the opportunity. She was shaking so bad she could hardly type. She pressed play on "Home" by Cavetown.

Depressed her likes that song a lot.

She sent a message to her significant other and waited for her heart rate to reach closer to normal. Eventually, though, she had to return to class.

She wasn't yet stable, but she was no longer gasping for air between sobs.

When she got back, she sat back in her seat, but moved it away from the boy a little further. The rest of the hour she sat, feeling isolated and dazed, fighting the quiver in her lip. Sometimes she would cry again, silently.

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The director gave her a little red envelope with her name on it. She dared not open it until her off hour. She finally stopped shaking around the end of her off hour. But still, the rest of the day she felt anxious. She was living in total fear. Her heart kept malfunctioning every time she thought about it. Her nerves refused to settle.

Her heart only felt normal after waking up from a nap later that evening at her significant other's house.

But even now she's anxious for her private lesson Friday for band. She's scared to touch people in school -- horrified of the idea really. Maybe she'll feel better in the morning. Maybe she'll hide in her sweatshirt and hope for the best. She's on the countdown for Christmas break.

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End Entry

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Thanks for sticking around to the end through that long entry if you did! Although that day was absolutely miserable and bad things followed, I survived. And no matter what you're going through, you can survive as well.

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I have faith in you. Thanks for reading. Love you all. Bye!

-ᴀᴄᴇ

#curatorreview

ᴘᴏsᴛ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ʙʏ ᴅᴀʀᴋ_sɴᴏᴡғᴀʟʟ

12/28/19