Anyone else not looking forward to Thanksgiving?

Trigger Warning for mention of eating disorder/disordered eating behaviors

As someone that's gone back into poor eating habits sometime back in May or June, I'm not at all looking forward to all the food I'm gonna be surrounded by, come Thanksgiving. As of right now I'm currently on a not eating phase, sustaining myself with nothing but coffee, tea, water flavored with those mio drops, and the occasional broth from canned soups. Basically solids are an absolute no for me. The last time I had any actual food was on Monday(11/8), and I purged what I ate. Also before my current not eating phase, I was going through a purging phase, and I was purging everyday 2-5 times a day. Also despite not eating, I don't feel hungry at all. Like I could eat, but I also know I'd only be eating just to purge. I don't eat unless I have a way to purge. Which is probably why I've gone so long without eating, since I'll be eating Thanksgiving dinner with my mom and brother, I won't be able to purge after eating. So my brain is telling me that if I don't eat until Thanksgiving, then it'll make up for not being able to purge that day.

Which I know is by no means safe nor healthy, especially since I'm a lifeguard. A job that requires me to be alert and able to act quickly in case of an emergency. Which is easier said than done, when you're busy trying not to out.

Anyway yeah, not at all looking forward to Thanksgiving.