Trigger Warning : Heavy themes. Blood. Violence. Murder. Abuse
(Damn. That's a long list. Might be my worst. Let's get to this)
Do not read if you cannot stand anything close to GOT. The battle, injury scenes, I mean. Proceed with caution!
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Blood boiling, he thrust the knife through the man's neck pushing him over to the glass table. The mat which was a hue of blue now looked purple with the red of blood soaked into it; Interestingly, it was only the body that remain unbruised.
He waltzed into the house without any trouble; the key unchanged even after all these years. His heart, throbbing in anticipation of the moment that he had so long waited for. He navigated his way through the house despite the pitch black darkness; he had every corner of the rooms smouldered into his mind. After all, his entire childhood was spent here. With a wicked smile, he grabbed his target by the neck.
He drove through the road which was the only sign of human habitation, otherwise snuggled into the arms of the dense forest. The forest with its wind rustling leaves had stored his cries within themselves, and today as he zoomed past the very woodland that he had so often run through, tripping over, trying to escape but failing to, it reverberated with his sorrow; as if reminding him of the pains he bore till now. At last, he reached his destination.
The lake was situated at the end of the city. He often sat there observing its silent waters, mulling over his rage for that one individual. Today, right at this moment; that tattoo flashed perennialy in front of his eyes, clouding his vision, pushing him to, for some reason to wail uncontrollably. Memories of his childhood more like the worst horror movie that he had ever seen. One that he never intends to re-watch.
He was young, his parents succumbed to a car crash and his custody was given to his uncle; who accepted him in his house but not his heart. Every night, he would return drunk and beat him till his alcohol filled body allowed him to. He was left-handed but never utilized that trait when he was abusing him, but instead used his weaker right hand so that it could serve as an alibi to his favour. The bruises were seen but ed off as results of petty fights with other guys which he was too scared to accept. Seven days a week, he faced the wrath of this man with concealed horns, his eyes fixated on a tattoo on the demon's left hand. He would never forget that mark. He finally succeeded on a fateful day, to find his way out of the woods and disappearing without the man in his mid 30s catching up to him and returned today after so many years. The first place that he went to was the lake - the only solace of his childhood.
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Wait. Don't exit the blog yet if you've read this far.
Let's rewind and write the story again. The 5th paragraph is now the 1st. The 4th is now the 2nd. The 3rd remains the 3rd. The 2nd paragraph is now the 4th and the 1st paragraph is now the 5th.
![Going Back-[B]Trigger Warning : Heavy themes. Blood. Violence. Murder. Abuse
[B](Damn. That's a long list. Might be my worst](https://image.staticox.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpa1.aminoapps.vertvonline.info%2F7579%2Fbce7e54617e3d9ae92845b0585b679608fd20a83r1-480-269_hq.gif)
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He was young, his parents succumbed to a car crash and his custody was given to his uncle; who accepted him in his house but not his heart. Every night, he would return drunk and beat him till his alcohol filled body allowed him to. He was left-handed but never utilized that trait when he was abusing him but instead used his weaker right hand so that it could provide an alibi to his favour. The bruises were seen but ed off as results of petty fights with other guys which he was too scared to accept. Seven days a week, he faced the wrath of this man with concealed horns, his eyes fixated on a tattoo on the demon's left hand. He would never forget that mark. He finally succeeded on a fateful day, to find his way out of the woods and disappearing without the man in his mid 30s catching up to him and returned today after so many years. The first place that he went to was the lake - the only solace of his childhood.
The lake was situated at the end of the city. He often sat there observing its silent waters, mulling over his rage for that one individual. Today, right at this moment; that tattoo flashed perennialy in front of his eyes, clouding his vision, pushing him to, for some reason to wail uncontrollably. Memories of his childhood more like the worst horror movie that he had ever seen. One that he never intends to re-watch.
He drove through the road which was the only sign of human habitation, otherwise snuggled into the arms of the dense forest. The forest with its wind rustling leaves had stored his cries within themselves, and today as he zoomed past the very woodland that he had so often run through, tripping over, trying to escape but failing to, it reverberated with his sorrow; as if reminding him of the pains he bore till now. At last, he reached his destination.
He waltzed into the house without any trouble; the key unchanged even after all these years. His heart, throbbing in anticipation of the moment that he had so long waited for. He navigated his way through the house despite the pitch black darkness; he had every corner of the rooms smouldered into his mind. After all, his entire childhood was spent here. With a wicked smile, he grabbed his target by the neck.
Blood boiling, he thrust the knife through the man's neck pushing him over to the glass table. The mat which was a hue of blue now looked purple with the red of blood soaked into it; Interestingly, it was only the body that remain unbruised.
-The End
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#review maybe? xD
![Going Back-[B]Trigger Warning : Heavy themes. Blood. Violence. Murder. Abuse
[B](Damn. That's a long list. Might be my worst](https://image.staticox.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpm1.aminoapps.vertvonline.info%2F7579%2Ffc990a847fa46fa506fe21ae712bb0f6c1b0e4e3r1-400-400v2_hq.jpg)
Comments (25)
I'm speechless
Thank you :sparkles: :heart:
When the wind blows your body shivers for it knows the raven is near! Behold the magnanimous glory of the Federation!
I want to start off this one with some negatives. You did something gutsy and artistic with the opening setup. In many ways it successfully told a good story, but it was also disconnected and jarring because it lacked the appropriate transitions from paragraph to paragraph. The opening was stronger this way, but once the jarring started it weakened the rest of the story. By the time I got to the rewrite I was already so annoyed with what I saw coming that I had to pull myself away and calm down. Which was worth it because reading it through the proper way was so satisfying.
This negative worked out incredibly well because the frustration lowers the brain's threshold for what feels pleasurable which makes the second read through feel better than it would have on its own. You did an excellent job at turning a negative into a positive. I love how you did that but hate how well you manipulated my emotions. That skill instills a sense of trust in me about your writing. You've earned that with this trick. I can't emphasize that enough. But man, that was a mean way to go about doing it.
Moving on from that there were a few other errors that need to be cleaned up. I saw at least one tense error, and the use of smouldered threw me off. None of that was too jarring. I almost didn't bring them up.
You do a fantastic job of at first establishing a question that hooks the reader, then frustrating them, and then establishing the motive of the character. Each core story telling element falls into place in time, but you risked a lot by not establishing motive and conflict earlier. The gamble paid off but I wouldn't make a habit of it.
Overall this was a five star story with a few potential areas of trouble if you spanned this out into longer prose. I'd like to see a longer story from you before I address those potential issues. I don't want to detract from something this good by extrapolating things that aren't here.
Keep up the amazing work. I look forward to reading more from you well into the future
Reply to: Para Phrased
All the negatives aside this was as much a rollercoaster to read as it was to review. I absolutely loved it but hated it with the same ion. You're an incredibly talented writer and I ire your spirit of experimentation. This is what it takes to become a next level writer. You definitely have what it takes to make it big.
Reply to: John the Fireraven
Oh my God. Thank you so much :sob: :sob: :revolving_hearts: :revolving_hearts:
Reply to: John the Fireraven
You're one of the most incredible writers in the community too and this review proved that
I love it! I've never seen a mirror story before!
Andrew posts a lot of Palindrome poetry. I just wanted to bring it to the story section. But word for word was too much. So I stuck with paragraph for paragraph.
Reply to: Para Phrased
Cool rendition!
WOW THIS IS BREATHTAKINGLY AMAZING. \(◎o◎)/ totally loved this though this is different from what you usually write
Thank you so much Yathaw :revolving_hearts: and yes. I wanted to diversify xD.
Reply to: Para Phrased
(゚ο゚人))
Bravo. I haven't seen too many palindrome stories around and this was excellent Para. I love the mood, the descriptions, the bloodcurdling images. In both versions, it felt really tense and I appreciated that.
My favourite line has to be 'otherwise snuggled into the arms of the dense forest'. Just the use of the word 'snuggled' is so incongruous with the rest of the piece, I loved that so much!
Talented, talented writer. I just hope you don't get in trouble for writing this :skull: :revolving_hearts: :revolving_hearts: :revolving_hearts: :revolving_hearts:
Referring to that last part of the comment. I really hope so too :skull: :heart:
And thank you for taking your time to read, I wanted to try something new. :heart: