Warning: Minor mentions of physical intimacy
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The only place where the deserts and oceans come together to make love is your eyes. You see, it is difficult to run out of air and still continue to breathe. Me looking at your eyes while you are whispering “breathe, breathe, breathe” in my ears has become a routine now. How do i not fall for a girl who has a sky for a heart and an ocean for mind?
The first time i saw you was the first time i looked at the sky knowing its vulnerability is running in my own veins. You were standing in the footpath looking at a dried out tree. You’d explain me why you really loved a dead tree amidst a garden. It reminded you of a friend who had a body but no love in it, so that you can water it and grow it from its roots again. You said you liked to look at the sky broken in pieces and that someday you would love to hold each of the pieces and give them the love they never had. All the words that made their way out of your mouth looked like they took things which were broken and made them whole again.
The first time we kissed, i told you that your tongue tastes like ashes and you turned my mouth into a cemetery overnight. Our kisses smelled like intoxicated cigarette butts still whispering the stories of the other like they knew each other since ages. They make our love a political conspiracy and our holding hands makes the city turn the rioters’ anger into faith.
It is difficult to make people fall in love with someone as pathetic as me and every time someone tells me my eyes look different, i say it’s because of a girl who turned my poems into lullabies and the city’s riots into peaceful marches. She narrowed down my mouth into a thin bridge between crying and smiling and every time I write a poem now, there are a thousand people inside me shooting metaphors waiting for me to catch them and write a love poem for her.
She said she’d liked to hold all of the the sky’s/my heart’s broken pieces. She did.
Comments (43)
breathtaking :sparkling_heart:
Thank you Dreamer. Miss you :") :revolving_hearts:
Hi Para-Phrased.I'm Black Raven from the committee here to review your poem today.
I liked the prosaic style of the poem. The metaphor about oceans and deserts in the opening line was thought Pacing throughout the poem had a beautiful flow. Stanza one had a stunning amount of crescendo moments especially with the last line.
I'm guessing the final question in the first stanza, "How do I not fall for a girl who has a sky for a heart and an ocean for a mind?" was trying to weave an image of how conflicted the actions of the character the narrator is talking about are.
The poem is strongly structured around contradictions. Eg: the lines about the desert and ocean coming together, girl with the sky for a heart and ocean for a mind.
I think the poem is trying to emphasize the unconditionality of the love between the speaker and their lover. I noticed a typo in stanza two sky's is written as sky.
Thank you for using the review hashtag.
Thank you so much for the detailed review and pointing out the typo. This is extremely appreciated :heart: :revolving_hearts:
All of you are doing a good job. Thank you for making the Community a better place :revolving_hearts:
Reply to: Han
Don't worry Han. I've already hacked your . I've taken all the props I need.
You're welcome Para-Phrased.
Reply to: Rei's Stalker (Black ℜaven)
No wonder I never have any props whenever I need them. You meanie T-T :heartpulse: :punch: :punch: :punch:
Today I realized I'm your fan. I saw your profile picture, which meant a new poem, and if I hadn't had control I would've screamed.
Lovely poem, as lovely as the others. I like all the tints of feelings you placed among the verses. Well written verses. There sure were many bits I liked a lot, more than the others since they stood out a lot. Doesn't mean the rest wasn't as great though! I just liked them more.
Reply to: Para Phrased
xD If that's the focus then I feel less guilty for liking some more still, for you to include metaphors on purpose and make them stand out without standing out too much. You really did do an amazing job on this piece!
Reply to: Bennet
Thank you so much Bennet :") :revolving_hearts:
Reply to: Para Phrased
No problem!
'The first time we kissed, I told you your tongue tastes like ashes and you turned my mouth into a cemetery overnight.'
I've never heard anybody describe a first kiss like that, this description is phenomenal. Amazing job again, Para!
Thank you so much Lem. I'm glad I could leave an impression. :heart: :revolving_hearts:
Reply to: Para Phrased
Yw! (^-^)
I-
*Faints*
This was so beauty do,
I love the title, the way you describe kisses, the way you portrayed the relationship, the way you somehow turn Love into something more than just an emotion.
Stunning, amazing, —
(I’m running out of adjectives to describe your work, maybe it’s because words can’t even describe how good
they are.)
I really can't with all this love and appreciation. Thank you so much Pie. I--
Thank you :") :heart:
Reply to: Para Phrased
Get used to it :sob: :sob: