QPR Advice? (asking friend to be in a QPR with me)

:purple_heart: :honeybee: 𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪/ℂ𝕙𝕝𝕠𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℂ𝕒𝕥 :feet: :sparkling_heart: 05/10/22

First, Definition of a QPR

I highlighted the important parts… yes, I am that girl who highlights the entire study guide instead of small parts, why do you ask?

***important stuff and question(s) after the photos***

QPR Advice? (asking friend to be in a QPR with me)-[BCU]First, Definition of a QPR

[BC]I highlighted the important parts…

I want to ask my friend to be in a QPR with me!!!

It would be around July 4th-ish. We’d have about 2 or 3(?) days to hang out, including sleepovers. They can drive us places, we’ll sleep at my grandma’s (one room and one bed to ourselves).

{side note: oh how happy I am to have a community who isn’t going to assume or push the idea of… inappropriate stuff happening in one shared bed}

We’ve planed so far to…

•go to Wendy’s and “our park” to eat (our tradition from when I lived there still)

•maybe go to 5 Below (store)

•buy matching t-shirts (tradition)

•dye my hair

•idk what else rn, but I partly want to keep things open cause idk how much time we’ll actually have sadly

•go to the festival? (rides, roller coasters, fair food, and fireworks on 4th of July, basically)

During our time together, I want to ask them… well, first, I guess questions? Before asking them to be in a QPR with me.

Here are some problems and posible solutions (ideas) either from me or comments (if I get comments).

First big ol’ problem…

~Idk if they’d want to be in a QPR~

Ideas:

•ask them if they’d ever considered it

Second big ol’ problem…

~They currently have a (romantic) partner/boyfriend~

As defined before, having a QPR is not mutually exclusive to having a romantic relationship. I *want* the two of us to have romantic relationships. But idk how they’d feel about it or their romantic partner.

I don’t want to be rude or disrespectful, don’t want to harm someone else’s relationship, ya know?

Ideas:

•ask them what they think of having one of both relationships

•ask them if they’d think their partner would be ok with it

Third big ol’ problem…

~They don’t think [either me or themself?] can do a long distance relationship~

We currently live 2,020-ish miles away. After that vacation, we both will move, then we’ll be 2,870-ish miles away from each other.

I can’t what they said, but they either said they didn’t think I’d do ok with a long distance relationship or if they wouldn’t.

… but at the same time, we are literally having a long distance friendship that we’ve maintained for about 6-ish years? So I don’t think it’d be a problem. Being in a QPR might, in fact, help us stay together through the long distance.

Ideas:

•when I pitch the idea of being in a QPR with them, I could mention how we’re already in a long distance relationship rn

Fourth big ol’ problem…

~I don’t want to ask them, they say no, and it harm our friendship~

I have no ideas rn on how to fix that…. I’m terrified.

I just wanted to know if y’all have any other ideas or solutions? Or, if no idas or solutions, maybe wish me good luck?

I’ve literally never asked someone out before, romantically or otherwise. Idk what I’m doing.

I feel like Rapunzel in Tangeled when she’s like “yay, I’m out!” then “oh no, what have I done!” Except for me, it’s more like “yay, I’m confident and I can do this!” then “oh no, what if they don’t like me back or this hurts our relationship!?!”

This scene:

Linked Wiki Entries

My QPR Journey

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Comments (4)

fulcrum

THIS IS SO CUTE. I think you should think about what you want from a QPR, and maybe just ask them for those things instead of asking them if they want to be in a QPR? Also, are they queer? Because it seems like a cishet person would be kind of scared of the label. Good luck!!!

3 Reply 05/10/22

:purple_heart: :honeybee: 𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪/ℂ𝕙𝕝𝕠𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℂ𝕒𝕥 :feet: :sparkling_heart: Author

Thank you for commenting!

I’ve talked to them a bit about it before.

They’re bi and nonbinary. I’ve come out to them as aspec and nonbinary girl. I told them I had a qplatonic crush on someone already, but not who.

I don’t think I’d want our relationship to slowly become a QPR without calling it a QPR. The stuff I want could 100% be a relationship that’s “just friends”, but it means more to me then being friends. Which is why I want to be in a QPR with them.

I feel like, for the most part, we are sorta where I want to be. I want to be emotionally intimate and physically intimate (not sexual-physical stuff, and probably not kissing). I want to cuddle more. I want to be their significant other, their life partner… but not romantically or platonically. And I want both of us to also have romantic relationships since a romantic relationship is a thing we both want.

So I know what I want in a QPR with them.

I just am a bit worried to tell them for a similar reason you said. A cishet person is less likely to be comfortable in a QPR. But my friend is *very* allo (very opposite of aroace) so I feel like they wouldn’t understand. Almost like how cishet would be confused how nonbinary is neither girl nor boy, doesn’t fit the boxes. But, in this case, an allo person who doesn’t fully understand something not being platonic nor romantic, not fitting the boxes.

Top two reasons I’m worried:

•they have a romantic boyfriend/partner

•idk if they’d want a QPR since idk if it’s something they’d be looking for as an allo person

Reasons I’m hopeful:

•we both have talked about how the other is very important to us (I’m important to them; they’re important to me)

•how much time we wish we could spend together, and how much time we do spend together when we have the chance

2 Reply 05/11/22

:purple_heart: :honeybee: 𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪/ℂ𝕙𝕝𝕠𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℂ𝕒𝕥 :feet: :sparkling_heart: Author

Reply to: :tada: :feet: Story/Chloe the Cat :feet: :sparkling_heart:

Tl;dr.:

•they are LGBT+ and know I am too

•I do know what i want in a QPR

•I don’t want our friendship to become what I want the relationship ship to be; because it’s different calling each other a friend and calling each other qplatonic partners which I can’t explain better then saying : I want to be their significant other, but not not romantically nor platonically

•though they aren’t cishet, they are allo; so I’m worried that they’ll be able to respect that I experience qplatonic attraction, but won’t be able to apply to themself nor being able to fit a relationship into the platonic box or romantic box (I hope that makes sense?)

Mainly I’m worried because:

•they’re currently in a romantic relationship

•idk if they’d want a QPR

•I don’t want them to say no *and* it ruin our friendship (I’m at peace with the option “no” even if I’ll be sad, but terrified of hurting the friendship we have)

Reasons I’m Hopeful:

•we both wish we could’ve with each other more often, and when we are together we try to make it last as long as possible

•they’ve told me that I’m important to them, and vise versa

1 Reply 05/11/22

fulcrum

Reply to: :tada: :feet: Story/Chloe the Cat :feet: :sparkling_heart:

I see. I don’t know too much about QPRs so I don’t feel like I can give very helpful advice but I hope you figure it out! Sounds like you guys care a lot about each other and so no matter what you still will. Good luck!

0 Reply 05/12/22