coming to with my sexuality

Am I straight?

ace?

pan?

bi maybe?

I’ve been questioning my sexuality for as long as I can throughout my teenage years. It wasn’t until I was around 17 where I actually questioned whether or not I experienced sexual attraction.

Today, I’m going to tell you my story.

Or rather, share a conscious stream of thoughts with you.

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I clearly times growing up during which my crushes would frequently come and go. Middle school crushes fleeting quickly, only to be replaced with someone new... I’ve always found most people attractive. But I never quite understood why someone would want to make out...or do anything more.

I being at parties and sleepovers, class, etc. playing games and talking about crushes. I feeling like some sort of alien hearing my peers discuss celebrities they would kiss, marry, makeout with and wondering why they would even consider it.

My friends irl gawking over shirtless guys while I would ire the characters I found in books and anime’s I liked. I never understood why my friends obsessed over celebrities several years older than them...

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Going into high school, I only ever had two true crushes that I’d maintained since junior high. These being two of my male best friends. One of them faded over time, while the other blossomed into something more. Today, I’ve been dating my significant other for almost two years.

So, what does this mean to me? I’ve been toying with so many labels over the years. I went from straight to bi to ace...to something in between.

And now I’d like to share my thoughts and feelings on where I’m at today with you.

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Where am I at today? I’m not entirely sure. While my romantic attraction is rather strong towards others, my sexual attraction is often low or fleeting... it only seems to occur when I form strong emotional bonds...

As of now, I identify somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I’m not sex repulsed, and open to intimacy in the future with whoever I end up with. Romantically, I’ve fallen for many of my friends...developing fleeting crushes and daydreaming of possible dates.

I’m still trying to work out labels for myself. The term “demisexual” seems fitting for me, but I suppose “grey-asexual” or “asexual” would seem fitting as well.

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I hope my ramblings helped! These are just a few thoughts/stories and memories I recall as I’ve been navigating my sexuality.

Stay safe!! I’ll see y’all in the next post!

All photos found on WeHeartIt.

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