Waddles and the "Thing"

Summary: Waddles finds a very unusual, "thing" in the forest while on a walk with Mabel. Everyone is confused why Waddles is attracted to this odd "thing". Little do they know just how big of a discovery Waddles has made.

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STORY

Mabel was out for a walk one morning with Waddles. Finally, for once Stan had given her the day off. She enjoyed strolling through the forest looking at the birds fly in the sky and worms inch across the ground. Waddles just enjoyed trying to chase any squirrel he saw. Good thing she brought a leash for him. It was a perfect day for walking your pet pig in the forest.

After a nice snack of wild berries that Dipper had told her a while back were safe to eat, the two were back strolling through the forest. Suddenly Mabel felt the leash give restraint as she walked foreword. She turned around to see Waddles standing still as if he saw something. ‘Is everything alright Waddles” Mabel says. Suddenly Waddles starts to run in the completely opposite direction of where they were heading. Mabel holding on to the leash struggles to keep up as Waddles pulls her from behind. Soon he comes to a stop near a small depression in the soil. Waddles then begins trying to dig the depression up. “What’s wrong buddy” asks Mabel. She decides whatever is bugging Waddles is buried beneath them so she grabs a stick and starts to dig the ground up.

Eventually after half an hour of digging, Mabel unearths what Waddles was so hyped up about. A giant, round and white, thing. It must have been at least a foot wide. “Waddles why were you after this, thing” Mabel says. “It looks pretty ugly, and smells weird too”. She had absolutely no idea what this thing was. “I know, ill show this to Dipper, he did just borrow that book from the library on weird things that grow in the forest” she says. She picks up the thing and carries it back to the shack all the while Waddles tries to knock it out of her hands.

Back at the shack, Dipper had a look at the thing. “By my guess, it’s a mushroom” he says. “How is this a mushroom Dipper” says Mabel. “It does not look like an umbrella.” “Its not that type of mushroom. Other then that I have no idea what it is.” He says. The two look at the “mushroom”. All that they knew was that Waddles clearly was obsessed with it. He kept trying to jump onto the counter to get to it.

Grunkle Stan then walked into the gift shop. “What the heck is that” he says staring at the “mushroom” on the counter. “It’s a mushroom” says Mabel. “Man, that’s the biggest and ugliest looking mushroom I’ve ever seen” Stan said. Suddenly an idea popped into his head. “Say you guys happen to be needing this mushroom for anything”. The two of them shake their heads. Stan grabs the mushroom and starts taking it. “Let me guess” says Dipper. “your planning on making a new attraction with this.” “What, no way you think I’m that desperate for a new attraction” says Stan. He then walks back into the exhibits area.

The next morning, signs up to a mile down the highway were advertising a new attraction at the Mystery Shack. “Ladies and gentlemen” says Stan while giving a tour. “In this shack of mine are many oddities the likes of which no human eye has ever seen like the six pack a lope or the only known photo of a Pony head without a body and now, behold our newest discovery.” He lifts up a cover from a table. “Behold, the hideous, mushroom of smelliness.” “You can give it a sniff for two no five no twenty-five dollars”. All the tourist start throwing money at Stan to sniff the mushroom. Dipper and Mabel peak in from the entrance. “Told you he would turn it into an attraction” he says. “Fine you win” Mabel says frowning as she hands him a $5 bill. The two then go get a Pitt cola from the fridge.

Business starts booming. People from all across flock to the Mystery Shack just to see this weird mushroom. But one thing keeps causing an issue for Stan. Waddles keeps running downstairs and starts jumping up and down near the mushroom to try and grab it. “Mabel keep your pig away from the exhibits” says Stan. “He’s already eaten my cornacorn I don’t want him eating that mushroom”.

4 days later, Stan has had enough. Today he walked into Waddles almost knocking down the mushroom. “Mabel either lock your pig in your room or I’m throwing him outside”. “Come on Grunkle Stan it’s not my fault he wants that mushroom and you what happened the last time you kicked him out” says Mabel. “Uhh excuse me” says a man behind them. “WHAT” the two of them yell. “I mean pardon me sir, anything I can get you” says Stan. “Uhh yes actually” he says. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Frank Smith from the American Fungi Association, AFA for short. I’m here about that mushroom of yours”.

“Well sorry its not for sale pal” Stan said. “I understand you might be confused but let me explain” Frank said. “What you have here is a Tuber Oregonense otherwise known as an Oregon White Truffle.” “Truffles, I love truffles. Is it fudge flavored” said Mabel. “No its not that kind of truffle my dear. A truffle is a type of mushroom, and a rare one at that” Frank said. Suddenly dollar signs went through Stan’s head. “So your saying this is rare huh. What are we talking, seven hundred, a thousand, A HUNDERED THOUSAND DOLLARS!!”

Frank started to laugh. “Well I will say your enthusiasm is quite high but I’m afraid that you are quite off, very off”. Stan and Mabel looked confused. “While I must say this is a far larger size then we normally see, the most I can see this being sold for is $450, $800 if I find the right buyer”. “What, then forget it. I made that much showing tourist this thing yesterday. I could make way more keeping it that way then selling it to some rich guy with a weird taste in foods” yelled Stan.

“Well I was expecting that” said Frank sighing. “Not everyone is willing to give up big truffles like this without a huge profit in return. I will say that you won’t have much longer with that truffle given it will start to rot 10 days after being unearthed, 3 weeks if kept refrigerated” he added. “Ya thanks I’ll take my chances” says Stan. “Wait Mr. Smith before you go I have a question” Mabel said. “Why is Waddles here so attracted to the truffle?” “Well that’s simple. Some pigs, I am guessing yours too have a natural sense when it comes to finding truffles. Waddles here must have picked up the scent and has been after getting a bit of it ever since” he said. “Oh Waddles, you silly little pig you” Mabel said laughing. After that knowing Stan did not want him there any longer, Frank got back into his car and left. Off to find some other nut head who has no clue they just discovered a truffle that is worth hundreds of dollars. He may have conned other folks, but Stan was too good for him. And you can’t con a con like Stan easily.

“Well now what am I going to do” said Stan. “Hey guys what’s going on here” said Dipper as he walked in. “This guy came and told us that the mushroom Waddles found was actually a Tuber Oregon something and its worth a lot of money” says Mabel. Dipper facepalms. “Of course, a truffle, should have known. Mom did not make me take that garden class for nothing anyways.” Stan looked down at him. “Long story” said Dipper a bit embarrassed.

“Well long story short for me too, the guys price was far too low, now I’m stuck with a truffle that’s going to rot away in a few days if I don’t do something” said Stan. Dipper looked at the situation. A truffle that was days away from being inedible, Stan wanting to maximize his profits off of it and Waddles really wanting a bit of it. “I think I have an idea that might make everyone happy” said Dipper.

And so the following day Dipper put his plan into effect. He had Stan cut the truffle up into little pieces which he then sold in the gift shop. “Step right up ladies and gentleman, buy a piece of the large mushroom thing for five no fifteen no thirty-five dollars per pound” Stan said. They sold out by the end of the day and Stan had made more money then he ever would have selling it to the AFA. And thanks to putting the fun in no refunds, no one could comeback with the truffle if it spoiled. “Take That Frank what’s your face” said Stan.

So the issue of maximizing Stan’s revenue and dealing with the truffle before it rotted had been dealt with. But one issue remained. Waddles. There was one little piece left. And eventually, they all decided to give it to Waddles. He immediately ate it up.

“Aw he looks so cute eating that” said Mabel. “Ya as much as a pig would perhaps” said Stan. “There’s still a bit left, why don’t we try it” says Dipper. “Great idea bro” says Mabel. The three cut a little slice of the last piece of truffle for each other and give it a taste. “Ehh, its not bad” said Stan. “It tastes like garlic” says Dipper. “Why is it so mushy” said Mabel. They all eventually swallow it down then look at each other.

“I think we can all agree that truffles are not as good as the chocolate types” says Mabel. “I can agree rich people have a horrible taste in food. First fish eggs now this, I’ll stick to eggs and bacon thank you very much” says Stan. “Wanna never eat that again and go see what’s on TV instead” says Dipper. They all nod their heads and leave.

Back in the kitchen Waddles grabs the last piece of truffle the three of them left and eats it up too. Guess at the end of the day, Waddles had the best treat of his life.

But then I’m an author writing fanfics for a TV show, so what do I know other then this story has reached….

The End.

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