Dog-Nut

Edit: I'm embarrassed at the sorry state of this melty, kinda obscene-looking Dog-Nut, so I tried again and now there's a new post with a better Dog-Nut.

THE DOG-NUT.

Infamous within Steven Universe culinary circles, the DOG-NUT is a Big Donut monstrosity that NO ONE EVER SEEMS TO ORDER until finally we hear Steven ask for one as part of the band's group order in the episode "Sadie Killer."

HOWEVER.

The Dog-Nut has been with us all along, lurking in the background on a poster in the store, tempting us with its weird mixture of donut and hot dog: one part sweet, one part salty, all junk food.

Steven evidently has made his own Dog-Nuts at home if the tutorials on his TubeTube channel are to be believed.

And going even farther back, the Dog-Nut has been with us since BEFORE the beginning. You see Lars try to tempt Steven with one in the pilot.

Whoa! Surely such an iconic confection deserves reproduction!

I had some leftover donuts from making Fire Salt Donuts for the Steven Universe party I went to yesterday, so I figured it was time. I gathered my ingredients.

You need:

🌭 Three plain or glazed donuts

🌭 Powdered sugar (1/2 cup per dog-nut)

🌭 Butter (2 tablespoons per dog-nut)

🌭 Vanilla extract (1/4 teaspoon per dog-nut)

🌭 Food coloring (red)

🌭 Milk (in my case, almond milk)

🌭 1 hot dog (in my case, veggie dog)

🌭 Chocolate chips

🌭 Butterscotch chips

🌭 Dessert decorations

Now, first of all, if you look at all those Dog-Nut pics up there, ALL FOUR IMAGES ARE DIFFERENT. The images do not agree on the style of icing or the toppings. Therefore, there IS NO CANON DOG-NUT.

Do what you want, man.

Two pink-frosted donuts sandwiching a chocolate with sprinkles donut seemed in the appropriate spirit, so I decided to go with that.

First, to make yummy pink icing:

Sift half a cup of powdered sugar into a bowl.

Don't skip sifting, people! You'll get lumpy frosting.

Then, MELT the butter and pour in.

Stir it together into soft lumps and add 1/4 teaspoon of vanilla extract and a few drops of red food coloring.

Stir that up. Does it look like frosting??

No! It doesn't!

Add a splash of milk and stir it in. The amount of milk you'll need is almost certainly LESS than you think if you've never done this before, so underestimate. You can always add more later if it's still lumpy!

It should be about this consistency.

Dunk your donuts for a nice even glazing.

Add sprinkles!

Now for the chocolate donut. Melt a small handful of chocolate chips.

If you want it to be more than chocolate sauce, you COULD add a splash of milk and vanilla, but it's fine as just chocolate. Now dip!

Yup!

Sprinkle!

Yup!

Now cook your hot dog. I just microwaved a frozen veggie dog for like 25 seconds.

Then, get a plate the Dog-Nut will look nice on and thread your donuts on! One:

Two:

Three!

Now microwave some butterscotch chips in a baggie.

I'm sorry. I could NOT bring myself to squirt mustard on this. I don't LIKE mustard, and I didn't have any anyway. If you would rather use something besides butterscotch chips or you can't find that, you could just use white chocolate chips with yellow food coloring, or reserve some of your icing before you turn it pink and use it for this.

Cut a wide hole in the baggie and squeeze in a classic mustard wiggle.

Well. I've made an abomination.

HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR??!

I apologize. I have no pictures of me eating this. It was overwhelmingly large for my tiny mouth and I had to take it apart to consume it. Fail.

But now, you can Dog-Nut.

One day, I shall Nut-Dog.