✦ 𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐚 𔓕࣪ ‧

6:35

"Oh, wherefore do I search for your blinding smile that used to enchant my days? I search among the blades of grass, among the swaying ferns, among the juicy glide of apples and still nothing! Not even a perishing piece of sunlight. Oh beloved, how you elude me! The bluebells press their moist kisses to the fleeing breezes. The roses delight in the ephemeral golden rays of the sun. The almond trees shed their autumn foliage after a turn of the season. Everywhere, the crushed hopes and a sense of desertion linger! The sky tears open its heart and weeps."

4:48

"Even for a short while, our tears commingled into a great romantic poem, discernable only by us. For a short while, I sliced the sunset sky and tasted plum cake on my tongue. For a short while, I dug up the earth and munched into red velvet cake. For a short while, I plucked the evergreen leaves and the flavour of peppermint nipped my mouth. For a short while, I thought I would have devoured the whole world, with all its Gods and bodies, for you. I would have vandalized every Greek statue to uncover the true violence of love. I would have torn down all the Renaissance paintings to unravel the horror of love. I would have drained every Gothic novel to unspool the illusion of love. All for you and then you slipped from the staircase like every dark promise of a mad heart. Slinked into the silver light of the moon and blew away with the vapours of incense. Poor rotting heart of mine!"

4:22

"So go lay your cherries on your lovers and creams on coffees. This heart that knew hope once now harbours countless cruelties, rotting and splintering, entrenched deep into my irredeemable soul. This heart is but a vale of darkness and blood. What blossoms are you rummaging for in its soils? There's not a flower here! Only the veil of gloom wedded to grief."

11:10

"It is a cruel kind of sadness and grief to be idolized, and glorified but never loved! Never touched! Never intimate! Only distantly praising and gratifying. Get up! Talk to me. Look me in the eye. I am not your doll. I am not your God. I am not your statue of divinity. I am human. I long to be a lover, a loved one, an executioner, and an executed. These flames of fanatism that you've meshed around me- I'll tear it down for one ounce of your ion. Raw, consuming, relentless and unrestricted ion. A flawed, greedy human-like ion. No, don't your hands together! Rather, sink your fingers into my flesh and push me off the brink of my sanity as lovers do. Please, someone, look at my honesty. My desperation. Have you ever heard of a deity wanting to be humanized? To renounce eternity to beg for love on bent knees and pleading eyes? Yes, you have. I am one of them. It is brutally severe of you to nail my hands and mouth into a perpetual, face-cracking smile. Release me! I want to be a human! Release me! I want to weep and bury my face in the humid earth! I am not God, I am only a lover. Take away my lyres and silks! Only don't take away my heart! Don't take away my ability to nurture! I'd rather be worshipped in the cottage of a human heart than in the palace of idolatry. Yes, I'd rather be nicked with the blade of human fickleness than be garlanded with chrysanthemums of glorification. Tear off those flowers from me! Let my flowers be the specks of blood dotting my cheek- the violence that comes with a human heart!"

5:03

"The vast, endless stretch of the inky horizon- usually makes me feel hopeful of possibilities but today it just makes me feel so utterly, excruciatingly alone. Not a star in sight. Not even a lighted window. Whom do I call out for help? The listless trees, the indifferent sky, or perhaps the malevolent scarlet roses? What I need is an idealistic saviour to pluck my fingers from the keyboard and caress them. To quell the dusk breezes in order to hear my soft heartbeats. To swoop me off to a magical island of endless blues and shimmering rainbows. There will be a price to pay but I will shut my eyes to it presently. I will plunge into the oasis of illusion and reap the consequences when I've had my fill. Till then, let me delight in this beautiful guise. Let me laugh and lock eyes with my fictitious lover. How heartbreakingly stunning they look tonight! If I could just die this instant, my eyes filled with sunshine and love! My heart ballooning into a false hope- but lord, how sweet it tastes! A heavenly nectar!"