Horrible Memories | :wolf:

Horrible Memories

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Its hard to let go of the past, even if the conditioning is gone.

                   ❐: Time taken: 4 minutes

                   ❐: Genre(s): bit of angst #POTW27

                   ❐: Art Credit: N/A

                   ❐: World count: 357

                   ❐: Character count: 2,017

                   ❐: Warning(s): Mention of torture and testing

                   ❐: A/N: I feel bad for bucky, least man has a normal life now

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It wasn't something he often wanted to — Hydras tests and experiments. It had been painful, far more than he would have liked back then if he had been in the right mindset.

Bucky hated that he ed everything. The torture, the tests…the mind control. How could a loyal military soldier be turned into something so horrible so damn easily?

Even he couldn't tell you the answer to that question. Hell, he'd give anyone a million bucks– (Tony's money, of course) if they could even explain to him why he deserved such actions towards him.

Steve said it wasn't his fault, so did the group of friends he had that called themselves the ‘Avengers’. What an original name.

Of course, with Steve being his best friend he believed him. It wasn't his fault, it hadn't ever been his fault. So why did it feel like it was?

Maybe it was the mind control still having its effects. Hydra's words were powerful, afterall. And so was the mind control. A simple phrase, and James ‘Bucky’ Barnes was the winter soldier all over again.

T'Challa helped him get through that during his stay in Wakanda..and he was forever grateful to the black panther.

Still, it nagged his mind every time he thought about it or had nightmares. Why him? Why was he turned into a weapon? Why did Hydra take an interest in a nearly two hundred year old man?

Not even Tony's dumb AI, Jarvis, could answer Bucky's questions no matter how many times he decided to ask. Nor could Banner, or Tony. He didn't try to ask Thor, the god gave the usual weird heroic speeches and Bucky couldn't handle another of them....not even Steve could answer him— and his friend desperately tried.

Another question that usually circles his mind– taunting like a harsh whisper or an annoying bug in the back of his head— was why those words?

He still re them…how could he even forget? The trigger words. The words Zemo loved to speak so much whenever he needed an obedient pet.

Longing. Rusted. Furnace. Daybreak. Seventeen. Benign. Nine. Homecoming. One…..

Freight car….

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[OUTRO]

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