There's a monster inside me (An elegy poem)

WARNING: Mentions of aggression, death and suicide.

I could be doing my favorite hobbies.

Reading, drawing, Singing, acting, watching cartoons

But sometimes I get these feelings.

I feel like screaming for all the hard times I didn't.

My mind has aggressive thoughts.

I feel like punching my siblings as revenge I didn't get.

I feel like breaking things by smashing them.

There were times I felt like dying.

There were times I missed my old neighborhoods.

I feel like slicing chatty people's throats to shush them.

I always wished for people I hated to die.

I want to hurt them but I didn't no matter what

Because I was too scared to throw my hands.

The best I could do was hurt them verbally.

For all those things I kept it all in control.

For all the times I cry, I suppressed it all in,

For all the times I got mad, I didn't express it,

For all the times I had aggressive thoughts, I kept quiet,

For all the times I wanted to die, I ignored it,

For all the friends I left, I missed and grieve them,

I never once cried loudly,

I never expressed my anger,

I never hurt anyone I wanted to hurt,

I never attempted to kill myself,

And I always had friends no matter what.

I am a very calm person with a lot of self control.

I am great at hiding my true emotions.

I am a changed person from my past self

But just because I am now a changed person,

Doesn't mean I still have the same monster inside me.