At a day I wanted to be alone. My friend insisted on sleepover. I was burdened enough to smile, heavy enough to chuckle. The night came rushing as she talked about her fantasy that barely made sense to me, as I surfed elsewhere in my mind.
It was too late, and she could see me drowse. She moved to the side on my king bed and invited me to rest my knees and sleep. I shut the lights. nothing was visible.
"It's time for a game," she said.
I was too exhausted to reply, "which is?"
"I am 'The Night,' " she said, "open up to me, and at dawn, I will scatter away, like I've never existed."
"Sounds fun," I looked at her, but all I could see is black. The curtains blocked the light of the streets.
"Okay! Let me start!" She said, "how are you?"
"Okay," I nervously chuckled.
"You can't fool 'The Night'. I was there when you cried, laughed and raged," 'The Night' said.
"Everyone has something to hide."
"Not from me. Speak. I will thoroughly listen."
"Fair," I said. My chest felt the urge to unload, my throat jostled with words, and the burden was let loose.
"I know that we can't have everyone we love, that at times they ignore us and count us nothing, hell, they might hate us. But why does it happen to me every time? Like it's an inevitable outcome, a scenario fate repeats. I can't with this rejection anymore. Am I that ugly? Unwanted? Unworthy? Unlovable? What have I done to deserve this?" I paused, drying my tears, but there was silence, "what can I say? I am at times sick to the stomach looking to the mirror, 'who's going to be with you?' "
Silence ensued as my emotions kept spilling, "sometimes I wish to disappear, ride the waves and go, ascend the clouds where air is faint. Anywhere but this place, anything but this constant reminder of... lack," my eyes went blurry again, "all I wanted was a soulmate, and my heart had the worst picks," I chuckled sorrowfully, "my heart... the only thing it ought to do, it fails miserably at, and we both take the damage."
I continued my mumble, and my speech slurred as drowsiness got the best of me. 'The Night' didn't speak a word. Dead silence.
I woke up to rays, with my friend staring outside the window. I immediately shied. She heard it all. It might've been all she wanted from her visit.
"Good morning," She said when she noticed me staring into the blank. She smiled and came to give me a light kiss. "I'm glad we slept early yesterday, beautiful."
With a weird sense of relief, I smiled back genuinely for the first time in weeks.
"Yeah, me too."
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