Grandaddy 🧡

▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ ☆ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁

▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ ☆ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁

I never thought I would be writing about this, I wasn't really planning on telling people. But right now this is how I feel I can handle the grief and pain of losing someone close to me. So if you don't care to read this, that is fine.

-Lila

▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ ☆ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁

It was the day before Christmas, December 24th on a Tuesday. My Nana decided that me and my sister would come up to see you on your birthday to surprise you. 91 is what my Nana said how old you will be. When we came up there you were so happy to see us, and I was happy to see you too. You had a Christmas tree out with many Amazon boxes around it that had not been wrapped yet, that was because my Paw Paw's brother was up there as well. Actually both of them were there. Richard & Howel. It was great spending time with you as you told me funny jokes, some of which I didn't quite understand but laughed along to anyway. That day you gave me a 20 dollar bill and told me to split it between me and my sister, which I did later that day. Now thinking back, I wished I would have held onto it. Because now it reminds me of you.

About two days after our visit, you were now in the hospital. All I knew is that you were in the hospital because of a stroke, apparently because of a blood clot in the brain. They said that Richard found you in your chair unable to move anything but your eyes. That's all I knew, and the next week and a half flew by. That following Monday on January 6th I had a day out with my Nana, and we went to visit you in the hospital. When we came in my Paw Paw told us you had just come out of surgery, but surprisingly you were wide awake and happy to see us. The sad part was you couldn't really talk, only maybe a yes or a no. Everything else was gibberish, that was because you didn't have your dentures in. The hospital wouldn't let you, they were afraid of you swallowing them.

That day I saw you in the hospital I told you I loved you, and I hugged you while you patted my head. You gave me the biggest smile you could, and you seemed to be doing just fine. Everyone was so sure of you going to a nursing home with physical therapy to recover, so you could atleast be able to move more. I was so sure you would be better, I even told my Nana you still had a few more years left in you. Now that I think about that, I can't even write that without tearing up.

---------------------

On January 12th they pulled you off of life . I was there as Granny sat in front of me in her wheelchair in the lobby and said, "if Earl B dies I'm dying too. I can't live without him." Or something along those lines, I don't really anything else but crying. The hospital gave us stickers with Calla Lilys to put on our chest, it was supposed to mean only 3 people at a time in the hospital room. But I wasn't sure. Again, I don't really that day.

Everyone left the room as they unhooked all the machines from you, all you could do was sleep. You couldn't really stay awake for more than a few seconds. That day was really hard for all of us, especially on your wife. That day I crying so much in the hospital, crying so much for you and her. I was so sure you were going to be okay, but then that reassurance was taken away just like that.

January 16th 2020 you parted from the world, at first I had no emotion. My mom and I were just talking about you about 30 minutes before your ing. We were talking about how they were going to move you to hospice, because you refused to die. I was rooting for you, I knew you still had a lot of fight left in you. The next thing I knew was my mom telling me you had ed away, and I just feeling bad for my mom. But about an hour later I began to break down and cry the more I thought about it. It's different watching someone slowly wither away in a matter of weeks, it really takes a toll on you. I called my friend Marc I think a day before you ed, I bawled my eyes out on the phone. He was the only one who would listen at the time.

----------------------------

I still can't think about you without crying, it hurts to think about. It's weird how someone can be gone from your life so suddenly. There were so many things I'd wish I'd said to him. I wish I would have spent more time with him. I wish I would have done a lot of things. But now I can't. I wrote this to help myself heal, but I know it will take awhile before I do. Thank you to anyone who read this, it means a lot to me.

-Lila

▁ ▂ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ ☆ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▂ ▁

1-19-20 #SmokeysQuarters