Road to Recovery

Hey Everyone!

:warning: Trigger Warning :warning: - Yellow

Character is a little depressed. Slight indirect mentions of suicide.

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Post Race has officially begun!! Writing speed set to like 3x speed! :joy: :joy:

I apologize if these end up being pretty bad, I’m not amazing at writing under pressure. As I found out last night as I just couldn’t get to the word min for anything. I plan to hopefully make up for it with today’s posts though!

This piece ended up sorta being a sequel of sorts to You Chose Her, a piece I completed quite awhile back. I had been thinking about trying to write this out for awhile now. So when I tried to for post race, the words just flowed for some reason.

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Story Stats

Word Count: 708 words

For:

Post Race

#TeamSirens

Story Type

Original Story

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Road to Recovery

The road to recovery was never going to be easy. Not when you had hurt me so badly. I just wanted you to love me for me. But I guess you just weren’t the right person for the task. I didn’t know what I would say to you if I saw you again. In fact I prayed that I would never see you again. But fate is never kind to its beggars.

We were too connected to each other for that to be a feasible request. We had our mutual friend groups and the places we loved to go. These meetings made recovery harder. Having to see your face and uncomfortably it to myself that I still found you attractive.

These uncomfortable thoughts only grew the more times I ran into you. It seemed like I was the only one who was still hurting. You had completely moved on. It was clear to see in your actions and how easily you talked to me. I wanted to scream at you. Yell at you and ask you if anything that we had was real. The darker side of me wanted to make you squirm. Make you feel guilty for what you had done. Make you understand my pain and that even if it was easy for you, it wasn’t easy for me at all.

A few times, the perfect mask I was holding up slipped off. Big, wet tears poured from my eyes without stopping. Pity and guilt filled your eyes when you saw me bawl my eyes out about something you viewed as just a past event. Any flashes of guilt that you felt made me feel better, at least for a little while. As if I got some revenge for all the pain I had been feeling. But as quick as it appeared, the flash of guilt was gone. Replacing it was a stoic face and consoling words that just sounded so fake and so empty.

“There will be somebody else.” You told me with your hands folded behind your back. You stood tall as you told me this. You’re the one who broke my heart and you’re trying to console me. The bitter side of me wanted so badly to yell back in your face ‘But that somebody else wouldn’t be you!’

Under no circumstances will I ever it that to your face. It just sounds petty and is a line a crazy ex would say. It sounds bad to even be thinking such thoughts but that’s how much you meant to me. You were such a major part of my life and you held a big piece of heart. You took that piece in your fingers and dropped it to the floor.

I won’t say that those few times in front of you were the only times that I lost control of my emotions. If I did say that, then I would be lying. Some days my mask held up and I was able to interact with you normally. But it would all come crashing down the moment I was alone. These times were the darkest. I would cry and cry until there were no tears left and I was left sniffling. I curled inwards on myself, hoping that if I curled tightly enough then maybe I could disappear from this world. I could disappear and never have to deal with seeing you again.

The most popular thought during those dark times was if anyone would care if I actually disappeared. Would I at least give you a major blow if you discovered you were at fault? As quickly as those thoughts came to the surface of my mind, I shoved them back down. I scolded myself. To even consider that just over some stupid heartbreak. You would just be controlling me if I did that. I refused to let that happen. No matter what, I would get myself back on track.

Out of everything, I want to see your face. I want to see your expression when I finally figure myself out. I want you to see me doing well and possibly finding that somebody else that you mentioned. That would be my greatest accomplishment and the final step on the road to recovery.

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Conclusions

Whew that was a doozy. It ended up being like one hundred words longer than it needed to be but oh well. Hope you guys enjoyed

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