IT SHALL BE MINE
───── ༺☆༻ ─────
It shall be mine.
Oh, this sight.
Trees, landscapes, rivers.
But also cities, towns, villages.
It shall be mine.
They say I cannot do it.
That I am too weak, out of control.
Not worthy, nor meant to be.
Can I do it?
It is only a small piece of determination.
An army.
Weapons.
Control.
Elimination.
They say I cannot do it.
But can I?
Oh, that sight.
My eyes.
My greatest weapon.
Or will they cause my own destruction?
They say it is greed.
I don't take what I need.
I see, I claim, without thinking.
Greed.
Or power?
Is it about what I need?
Is it about what I want?
Was it all mine?
Was it my desire?
What do they know?
They say I am not a worthy emperor.
Oh how shall they know,
that it was always mine?
It is just the mind of creativity.
Sensitivity.
Destructivity.
Captivity.
Worthy or not, strong or not,
Intelligent or not.
It shall be mine.
───── ༺☆༻ ─────
So this was my first attempt to poetry! What do you guys think?
Note: Thank you all for the and I appreciate it so much! I promise to and use your advice in my next tries on poetry. Thank you all so much!
![It Shall Be Mine-[BC]IT SHALL BE MINE
[C]───── ༺☆༻ ─────
[IC]It shall be mine.
[C]Oh, this sight.
[C]Trees, landscapes, riv](https://image.staticox.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpa1.aminoapps.vertvonline.info%2F6705%2F39fea8430b486cff39cec64f0af3e00e310bc05e_hq.gif)
Comments (16)
This is really good and detailed.
Notes;
★ On the second stanza you present:
Trees, landscapes, rivers.
But also cities, towns, villages.
You should change it to;
But also; cities, towns, villages.
I would also like to bring in the word 'and' but that might ruin the flow, it is up to you.
Trees, landscapes, and rivers.
But also; cities, towns, and villages.
★ You did a good job with only using the repetition of one sentence, it helps the audience know what your aiming for.
★Also, this should be an entry for embodied sins even if you wouldn't win. Good job, :sparkles: :star2:
If this is just the first attempt then I can't wait to read more - I felt like I could understand the message this poem sent, I don't see anything that needs improvement, I find the pace slightly strange - slightly slow but overall it's amazing, smoothen the poem and it'll all be fixed (:
First attempt?? Dang, you really killed it XD
I notice quite the flow and rythym to this, and the concept was very interesting. I don't have any suggestions other than to keep writing!
The poem is really good, and reminds us all you're the emperor!
There aren't many things I can think of that need improvement, it's almost perfect. But it might be useful to change a few little details, that make it more smooth to read. There are a few spots in the poem that just makes the reading slow down, which isn't neccesarily bad. But it's also not good either.
But the poem is really good!!