What's up

Tw: depression, anxiety, eating disorders, negative thoughts

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ok, hello. quite a few of you guys (who are regularly active) know me. some of you don't, and that's OK. I just wanted to make a post about why I haven't been super active recently.

I know I make a lot of jokes about this, but I'm genuinely going through a really bad depression and it is affecting my ability to be social. my anxiety constantly reminds me of the fact that I am a nobody who works a shitty job that they hate, lives paycheck by paycheck, and will be absolutely nothing. I get constantly reminded, by my anxiety, how I will never be good enough for anyone, and how I will always fuck everything up in the end. I'm spiraling into my depression pretty bad. and thus it is bringing back my eating disorder and my very negative thoughts. I might show up in vcs every once in a while, but I am genuinely struggling to socialize without worrying that I'm killing the mood. I don't want to be a bummer while everyone else has fun, so I'll probably just lurk.

I always tell people "don't worry, I'll bounce back" but I genuinely don't know how long it will take to feel normal again. I have so much stress on me right now. for example, I have been working since the 15th, and I don't get a day off until the 26th. holiday season always made the place I work super chaotic and busy, and it causes my anxiety to spike. I feel so emotionally and physically drained right bow, but not enough for me to be able to jsut go home, eat, shower, and immediately go to bed. I struggle being able to fall asleep, so I may get about 5ish hours of sleep a night, just to repeat it the next day. their is also a lot happening outside of work, but I really don't want to get into that. it's a lot, unfortunately

I know I don't have to make a post explaining why I haven't been active, but I have made some amazing friends on here, and I feel like they deserve to know what's up. I also don't want to just privately message them all because I don't want them to feel pressured to respond

genuinely, thank you to everyone here who at least pretends to be my friend. makes me feel a little less lonely in this fucked up life I'm living

I'll bounce back eventually. thank you

-13 (sodo)