My bestie texted me last night and asked if I had enough emotional space for her to vent to me.
I didn’t know I needed people to ask me if I have the emotional capacity to take on their emotional burdens before. I didn’t know I needed people to ask for permission to vent to me before unloading.
It was so…refreshing and unexpected. And this is why I love her so much. Such an amazing friend, I’m so lucky.
This is a reminder to everyone, including myself, ask if it’s alright to vent/unload on someone before just doing it. I didn’t know how important that was until last night. Everyone has their own emotional baggage, and a limit to how much emotional onslaught they can take. Throwing your own on them so you can feel better can potentially make them feel worse. So ask permission beforehand, out of consideration. If they’re in a position to handle your venting, they’ll let you know.
And don’t take it personally if they decline. They probably have enough going on personally, and can’t handle taking on your burdens. Simply sympathize and thank them for their honesty. They’ll really appreciate you not forcing your worries on them for your own benefit without any regard for their emotional well-being.
Comments (2)
Even if I didn't have the capacity to be vented to, I'd still say yes because I'd feel bad if I said no.
I used to be like that, but this really changed my perspective and I might be more inclined to decline if I’m feeling too stressed or anxious myself. As my friend, they should respect that and understand. However, I would still probably feel bad and tell them to text me later in the day, or call me the next day after I’ve had time to clear my head/collect myself a bit. I pride myself on being the reliable friend that they can always come to when needed, but I’m not much good at helping comfort or give advice if I’m all cluttered up with my own worries. I’d like to be as clear headed as possible to help my friends.
Idk, it just kinda changed my perspective of things and now I’m more thoughtful about it. I can’t explain how deeply it truly affected me, which might seem silly.