Dealing with rejection

No, it’s not rejection in a relationship sense or family sense of friendship sense, it’s dealing with being rejected from work, from schools etc. I find it tough to deal with because I feel as if life is running away from me, slipping between my fingers like fine sand. I feel too old for everything, have to specific interests or things I want to work with, and it’s just awful, because I feel like everyone is disappointed in me. They’re just dealing with it because they have to, and I hate being a burden, but I also hate feeling forced to do things I really don’t want to. I wish I had just… wanted something very clearly when I was younger, so that I knew what path to go. So many people seemed to know what to do, where to go and how to get there, and yet I had no idea and never knew even how much I thought about it. I’m not saying everyone else had it easy, that’s not what this is about because that’s obviously not the case. I just wish I saw a future for myself as a child and could imagine what I would want or do as an adult other than just ‘create’. Why couldn’t I want to be idk something else, something that’s easier to get a job in. Why couldn’t I just be smarter and more interested in other things as well. But instead I feel like following my dream also mean disappointing everyone and throwing away my life. It’s sad, seeing everyone move on and pretend like it’s fine and that you’re okay. I’m not quite alright, but I can’t let myself feel defeated because I know it’ll be the end of me…