Sleep with the nightlight on because the monsters and demons come at night. Pull your feet inside the covers. The blanket covering you entirely except for your nose and eyes always darting around the room...waiting. I have nightmares anyway, I have terrors, I'm haunted by figures I see clearly...and I know who they are. I suffer from PTSD.
I wasn't always like this. But who is right? I was that happy go lucky kid in school, making friends easily. Played sports in High School and was popular with the girls. Already having been a military brat and been around the world, nothing would prepare me for when I finally ed. It's like a whole other world opened up and I was seeing it for the first time...again. I went to places people only dream of, see in TV or read in books. And I loved every second of it.!
I even drove and shot a tank that I used to play with as a kid.
Bosnia came first as the start of why I have many sleepless nights. 9/11 was around the corner little did I know. The screams, the blood, explosions, being fired at, watching close friends slowly leave you pernantly, the helplessness and despair wondering if I could've done more, anything, to save just one.
I smile everyday because I can tell my story till this day. Inside however, I cry in remembrance to those I called brothers. I know those demons at night because it's the faces of my friends reaching for me to save them and I know I can't. No matter how strong you are, everyone has a breaking point. I was fortunate to have close friends and family stand by my side as I leaned into them for , my own coping mechanism if you will. I have depression and many scars which you'll never see, but trust me, they are there. There's always someone willing to listen. Just look for the guy that's always smiling with that twinkle. I'll always be an ear for you.
This is me days before my world turned upside down.
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