13 Reasons Why Not Challenge

i decided to do this one, because i've been going through some rough patches lately. and while i don't want to you guys to worry about that, i feel like this could be somewhat helpful.

#ThirteenReasonsWhyNotChallenge

T A P E O N E , S I D E A

Dan Howell and Phil Lester

well, i was lucky enough to go to tatinof in boston on may 5th, 2016. it was one of the best days of my life, and holy fuck am i glad that i got to go. your refrences were funny and subtle, your acting was pretty good (although it could be improved on, ngl), and you made me smile until my face hurt. it was so amazing to see you two in person, and i still can't believe it happened. when the lights went out and the music turned off, i was screaming and almost started crying. and then you two walked onstage and it was in that moment that i realized you were real. you were alive and real and in front of me and not behind a screen. and it was so surreal to see the two people that had kept me alive for a good portion of that year standing in front of me. i went with my mom, who didn't understand all of the refrences, but laughed along anyway. we had an aisle seat pretty close to the stage, and as my mom was recording me singing "breaking free," we almost got kicked out by a security guard for recording. when dil came out to the stage, he was so close that if i reached out above the row in front of me, i would've been able to touch him.

oh, also, phil and i share a birthday. so that's cool.

T A P E O N E , S I D E B

Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun

okay, first of all, how dare you be so beautiful? like holy fuCK JOSH YOU KILL ME DAILY. i literally have tyler and josh as my phone background.

anyway, i was again really lucky to go to the first concert of emotioal roadshow 2017 in providence, rhode island on january 17th, 2017. my mom got me 4 tickets for my birthday (which was 13 days after the concert). i brought my best friend and one of my other friends, and it was amazing. i screamed and cried so hard that i had breathing problems for the next three days and actually went to get an x-ray taken because they were afraid i had a collapsed lung. oops.

also the mario kart 64 thing was amazing.

that night was when i really realized how much i needed tyler, josh, and everyone else involved in twenty øne pilots. when i found out that i was getting tickets, i decided that i would at least try to stop cutting. i was 6 months clean by the time the concert rolled around. every time i felt like i wanted to end it all, i would just think to myself, "you'll be able to see tøp in a few months/weeks/days. it'll be fun, you'll have a good time, and it'll be worth it to stay alive." and it kept me going. and the fact that i may be able to one day meet tyler and josh, either as a fan or as a colleague, is what keeps me going.

T A P E T W O , S I D E A

My literal best friend

(i'm not including an image for this one because she isn't on amino and i don't want to ruin her privacy.)

amber, holy shit you make my life so much better. i know you're going through some stuff and i'm so glad that you're able to help me. honestly, if you weren't there for me, i would've killed myself in january of last year. i was going through a really hard time in my life, and you were there to help me. thank you.

T A P E T W O , S I D E B

Ethan Nestor (CrankGameplays)

you are so cute and funny and adorable and you make my day. i love watching your videos because they can always make me laugh. You grew up in maine, and when you had your meetup around christmas time, i almost got to go. but, it turns out that my friend and i were both busy that day, even though you were like an hour away. someday, i'll be able to meet you. and that would be amazing.

T A P E T H R E E , S I D E A

The Phanfic Club

all of you are so nice! we can all bounce ideas off of each other, and we can give each other . i love just chatting with all of you about anything and everything. when you guys say something nice about me or my work, i feel amazing. you're all so talented, and it really makes my day when i can talk to you all.

T A P E T H R E E , S I D E B

The Phandom Art Club

wow, there's a lot of people in this chat. it was actually the first club i ever ed on this amino. you were all super ive of my art and even of my writing. i was able to doodle with you and screech about how amazing dan and phil are. i got to introduce you to ethan, and you all loved him. (i love him too). we helped eah other through so much, and we still do, and i'm glad we can.

T A P E F O U R , S I D E A

Ethan (the ukulele), my Drum Kit and the Piano

(i don't have a picture of my drum kit right now, but that's ethan and he's great. also i don't own a piano currently :( )

this isn't really about the instruments themselves, but more about why i got them and what i hope to be able to do with them.

i started playing the drums 4 years ago. it started out as an after school thing where i learned the basics of how to play a snare drum. it then evolved into more complicated thigs, and soon i was learning how to play a timpani, crash cymbals, bass drum, suspended cymbal, concert toms, tambourine, and a triangle. i have always loved percussion, and i always loved to get my anger and emotions out through music. i started taking full drum kit lessons this year, and my instructor has been really helpful. he's taught me so much, and i now have my own drum kit set up in my basement. i absolutely love playing it, because it helps me deal with emotions and have fun in the process.

i got ethan for christmas 2016. i was so excited, because since i had started listening to tøp, i had wanted a ukulele. i had already wanted one before that, though, since my friend (who was originally from hawaii) had a uke and it sounded so pretty and nice. i have been teaching myswlf how to play since i got it, and i love it so much. it's fun and easy to play, it sounds beautiful, and it's also a way to deal with my emotions. sometimes, i'll play ethan so much that my fingers will start to bleed. oops.

i learned the basics of a xylophone 4 years ago when i started learning how to play the snare drum, but i was always terrible at notes and playing them. last year and this year, my band teacher had pushed me to play the xylophone for our concerts, because i was the only percussionist that he trusted enough to learn the notes and be able to play them correctly by the time of the concert. i soon realized that i wanted to play the piano, so i took a piano class in school. holy shit, i loved it. i love the way the piano sounds, i love skillfully moving my fingers across the keys, and i love seeing experts play the piano and excell at it. i learned how to play before you start your day by tøp, which was the one song that got me through the death of my uncle. i loveeee the piano.

i talk about these instruments because i someday want to be able to use these and create my own music. i want to be invited to the grammys. i want to be able to meet people i look up to. but i don't want to meet them as a fan. i want to meet them as colleagues, equals, and friends. i want to be able to inspire people like josh, tyler, brendon, and everyone else has inspired me. i want to make sure people know that they aren't alone in life. i want to see people making theories about my music. i want to make music videos. i want to make big theatrical concerts. i want to have fans that care. i want to have a fanbase that cares for each other. and my want and need for that is what keeps me going.

T A P E F O U R , S I D E B

Musicals/Theatre/Acting

:clap: I :clap: LOVE :clap: ACTING :clap:

i have always had a thing for acting and singing and dancing and choreography and cinematography and theatre and being onstage and being backstage and costuming and set-building and aLl oF iT. i've been involved at my middle school's drama program as long as i've been able to (3 years, i'm in my 9th play there). both of my older brothers were in theatre in their high school. they both did lighting and set-building, but i always love being out in front. when i first started, i did a summer camp at my middle school. it was so fun. when i did the winter play (alice in wonderland), i noticed that the kids in the important roles got microphones. i looked up to those kids, and it was always my dream to get a microphone. now, those kids are excitedly waiting for me to go into high school, we're close friends, and i was the lead in my last play (elf). theatre has done so much for me, and i love it. it has pushed me through tough times. when the cast was waiting to go on stage for elf, i was having a panic attack. my good friend in crew made sure i had a water bottle on both sides of the backstage area because she knew that i needed water while having an anxiety attack. i had one throughout the entire two nights of the show, but i made it through. i still have little kids and adults come up to me and compliment me on how good i was in elf. every time it happens, it makes my day.

(that's me in my buddy costume screeching as another crew member friend of mine took a selfie of me without me knowing. notice the mic ;) )

i've also always wanted to be an actor. whether it was in a musical or movie or tv show, i always wanted to be an actor. and maybe someday i will get that chance.

T A P E F I V E , S I D E A

Writing

holy fuCk writing. it has gotten me through so much. it has helped me make new friends, it has helped me discover my ion, and it even helped me through a lot of my depression. i loved writing K I D N A P P E D. i loved to sit down and write a chapter and be proud of it. while i didn't like plant boy as much, i still wrote it. i loved adding plot twists and cliffhangers and everything. and i'm hoping the boy at camp will be good too.

T A P E F I V E , S I D E B

Commenters

EVERYONE WHO HAS COMMENTED ON ANYTHING OF MINE, THANK YOU.

i love reading comments. i love writing a cliffhanger and waiting for all the replies. i love reading every single comment. i love seeing how emotional and angry and happy and sad people get over my writing. it makes me happy every time. :) you keep me going. you keep me writing.

T A P E S I X , S I D E A

Orange Is The New Black

(this is sofia, who is a trans black woman played by laverne cox, an amazing actress and person.)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I LOVE THIS SHOW

its so well-written and there's always a problem and there's different cliques throughout the prison and there's a backstory (or part of a backstory) in every episode and every character is different and well-written and the cast is so diverse.

each backstory is different, just like each character is different. every person in the prison has a story. some of them are murderers. some of them are drug dealers. some of them are kidnappers. some of them are theives. some of them came from priviledged families. some of them have bad influences throughout their entire lives. some of them are in prison for doing what they thought was right. some of them are in prison because they were manipulated. some of them are in prison because they fucked up. but each of them is different.

season 4 was such a cliffhanger. season 5 comes back on june 9th, and holy shit i can't wait. i watched the whole series with my mom, which waspretty awkward, but also fun. it was great to talk to someone about what was happening, and the drama and the cliffhangers were insane.

i definitely recommend this show. it's a netflix original. 4 seasons, about 13 episodes per season, about 45 minutes per episode. it's not a very appropriate show (it involves sex and uncensored-ness), but it is still nonetheless my favorite show.

T A P E S I X , S I D E B

Softball

i've been playing softball since rookie leagues, which was about 8 years ago. i have been hurt, emotionally and physically, by this sport, but i love it so much. i met some of my best friends through this sport, and i've become very competitive because of it. i have learned that it's okay to lose, and i have learned that winning feels amazing. i'm an okay pitcher, a great outfielder, a pretty good infielder, and a great batter. i'm proud of how much i've improved over the years. i'm glad that i've found new teams that don't involve coaches that never give me a chance to show my true skills and always beat me down. i'm glad that i've learned so much from this sport.

T A P E S E V E N , S I D E A

Dogs

dogs are great. i love dogs. give me a dog, and i will be happy forever. i absolutely love dogs, and i'm getting a dog soon. and when i get that dog, i need to stay alive so i can bring it on walks and take care of it.

OKAY! THIS TOOK ME OVER AN HOUR!

IF YOU READ THROUGH ALL OF THIS, CONGRATS! THANK YOU!

J OUT