I woke up an hour ago with a raging headache, 2 knock off Extra Strength Excedrins later, and too many thoughts fueled by lack of sleep and copious quantities of the dew, this is what you get.
I think I'm on the verge of a total nervous breakdown. My life is a near complete wreck. Hanging on to my job by a thread, very nearly homeless, but was taken in by a relative who has to remind me every day of how much she does for me, how much I owe her, and how much of a fuck up I am. My personal possessions are mostly gone or destroyed, I'm going to have to move to a hovel rented out by a couple that I'm pretty sure are serial killers. Recently, I was seriously contemplating the big sleep, but an online friend got me through it. No one irl cares that much, so I talk to strangers on the Internet. I'm angry and sad and sick of everything, I hate my life. I'm cursed, born under a bad sign, deeply tired of the misery, the constant travails, the never ending loss. My health is not good, and now on top of everything else, I'm losing my sight.
I have very little reason to continue this wretched existence, yet I'm still here. Why? Why must people suffer so? I can't even cry, there's always someone around, and I won't cry in front of anyone.
So I sit here while everyone else is asleep, and try to find the schizophrenic boy I used to talk to, because he had a beautiful mind, and it didn't matter what you said, nothing fazed him, but ended up with an Iraqi war veteran with PTSD. My childhood trauma follows me wherever I go, and damaged people are sometimes the most beautiful, creative souls. I am drawn to that somehow, even if it's to my own detriment.
I guess that's all, if you actually read all of this, you've got a lot of stamina.
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