I'm sorry I was away, I needed to clear my head.
This is a post on abuse and learning how to survive, cope and reclaiming your life back.
Writing this not only helps others but helps me as well putting this into words.
Things can be tough and it's ok to hurt inside, you just can't let it control you.
It hurts when you have parents who hit you, scream at you, been touched the wrong way, or have your body taken sexually and hurt you.
You don't have to forgive the people who hit you or molested you, you don't have to feel ashamed what happened to you. It's 2019 we see on the news pedos being busted on Tumblr or teachers in inappropriate relationships, but when it's at home there is a circle of silence. I know, I survived it and I understand how it feels to have that done to you. You are not alone :hearts:
It will always be part of you, the hard part is not letting it control your life, I still have that problem sometimes. You don't have to forgive the person who hurt you, you do have to make peace with yourself or it will destroy you.
You have 3 paths, the first is the easiest, to live in the past but in the end it will destroy you. The second is just surviving, going day to day without purpose or hope and just existing. The third is the hardest, going beyond existing, it's scary because you don't know the future. But this path is worth it you can make your own future. I'm not going to be a hypocrite, I do bounce between path 2 and path 3 sometimes.
Never let someone tell you "just forget it, it's the past" they are blowing off your feelings and that person is not worth your time.
I made this mistake once, I used what happened to me as a shield to protect myself from being hurt and my deepest regret was using it as a sword stabbing the heart of a guy who deeply loved me out of fear and I crushed him.
If you have a therapist who says what happened to you "made you LGBT" that therapist is wrong and you should go elsewhere and also report that therapist. Being harmed doesn't make someone LGBT, it can however make you fearful if certain types of people or situations, I do have that problem.
I've been to "faith-based therapy" aka conversion therapy and I felt even more horrible about myself, I felt so bad I did something to myself and ended up giving myself heart failure literally.
I got told "girls who are molested become lesbian, because of a fear and hate of men, boys who are molested who become gay identify with their ab, trans guys who are molested have a hate of being a woman because of that or identifying with their ab, and trans girls have a hate of being a guy due to their abuse or identifying with their ab"
I got told I didn't have gender dysphoria or 10 years ago they called it gender identity disorder they said I had "gender hatred"
The one that really messed up my head the most was "gay men cannot reproduce naturally, instead they molest little boys to make new gay men, do you want to be that?"
Think of being told that when you're 13 and how you feel inside by your pastor.
You can make it, I know you can. I made it and I know you have the strength inside to make it. Just you're not alone and you are loved :hearts:
If you want to talk about it, my inbox is open I'll be more and more active.
Zoey :hearts:
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