Transcendence

CW; Death. Grief. Depression.

I can't put into words how I feel. How much I miss him. How much it hurts. How much it affects me all day every day. A huge piece of me is gone. It's not okay. I'm not okay. It's so bizarre that you can be talking to someone making plans one moment then the next moment theyre gone. You text them twice having no idea. You didn't want to call because they were supposed to be going to bed for work. But he was gone probably as soon as I left. Why didn't I stay? Why didn't I sit down and eat with him? How could I be so selfish.. Truth is we were going through a rough patch and I hate that. I hate that I didn't take the few minutes to sit down and eat the food he made me with him. But i had no way of knowing that would be the last time. Last meal cooked for me Last time seeing him. Last time Talking to him. Should have suggested a game of canasta. Maybe I could have done something. Seen something. Or just reminded him I'm there. Or maybe it was inevitable and would have happened later whether I stayed or not. There's no way to know. I can sit and think the maybes and what ifs but there's no going back. What's done is done. I know he loved me. He knows I loved him. We had an unbreakable bond even we couldn't break. We had our fights. We overcame them always.

Ijust hold onto the hope that there's something after life. After death. This can't be it. That can't be it. There has to be something. We exist for something other than destruction, hatred and greed. There's something better out there. Unity.

Transcendence.

-Lucid.